Pathway to Japanese Literature

Character: General Banaanan.

Special Duty Sergeant Major,

Sergeant Major,

Soldiers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Though unspecified, the location was referred to as Marlton Plain in the play.

Time: Unspecified.

The curtain opens.

Inside an old granary damaged by artillery shells, the Banaanan Army that narrowly escaped annihilation—their temporary encampment on Marlton Plain.

From stage right, the Sergeant Major led Soldiers 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 in entering; they marched in single file along the four walls.

“It’s 1:30 AM… What could be keeping him?”

“General Banaanan still hasn’t arrived… Even though the stomach clock already says ten o’clock… General Banaanan isn’t coming back.”

Along the front wall, they marched in place facing left.

(Gong)

From stage left entered Special Duty Sergeant Major and Soldiers Six through Ten—five men—marching single-file along walls; right unit saluted while marking time; left unit returned salute.

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “It’s already 2:00 AM… What could be keeping him?”

“General Banaanan still hasn’t arrived.
Even though the stomach watch already says ten o'clock,
General Banaanan isn’t coming back.”
The left unit marches in place along the right wall (Gong).

Sergeant Major and Special Duty Sergeant Major (advance toward each other while marching in place and chant)

“No provisions. April’s cold.”

“The Stomach Watch has gone completely haywire too.”

Chorus: “What’s happening, General Banaanan? Let’s go check one last time.”

They exit separately.

(Gong)

The right unit enters; everything as at the beginning.
They are considerably exhausted.

“It’s already four o’clock… What could be keeping him?

General Banaanan hasn't come yet.

It's already four o'clock... What could be keeping him?

"General Banaanan isn't coming back."

The left unit enters.

“It’s already 4:30 AM… What could be keeping him?”

General Banaanan still hadn't arrived.
It was already five o'clock... What could be keeping him?

“General Banaanan isn’t coming back.”

(Gong)

Sergeant Major and Special Duty Sergeant Major:
“The General might be off alone somewhere knocking apples from an avenue of trees… Right now he’s probably in some field crunching carrots!”

(Gong)

The right unit entered; they were extremely exhausted and barely managed to walk.

“It’s already 7:30 AM… What could be keeping him?”

General Banaanan still had not arrived.

It was already 7:30 AM—what could be keeping him?

“General Banaanan isn’t coming back.”

The left unit entered. They were utterly exhausted.

Sergeant Major and Special Duty Sergeant Major

“It’s already eight o’clock… What could be keeping him?

General Banaanan still hasn’t arrived.

It’s already eight o’clock—what could be keeping him?”

“General Banaanan isn’t coming back.”

(Gong)

Those still standing chorused (in fragments).

“If we die in battle, we might resign ourselves—
but starving to death now? We won’t accept that.”

“Ah... Just one last scrap as our final memento of this world—”
“We want...to eat...a banana...or something...”
(They collapse together.) (Gong)

General Banaanan entered.
Decorated with banana aiguillettes, his chest was laden with confectionery medals.
General Banaanan

“I’m exhausted, exhausted, utterly exhausted.”

His legs were utterly like two walking sticks.

"I did drink a bit too much after all... And I've eaten way too much horse meat."

(Shouts.) "What's this? It's pitch black! You still haven't lit the lamps even now?"

The soldiers managed to stand up and perform a hand salute.

“Light the lamps, you fools.”

The Sergeant Major lit the lamps.
The soldiers, upon seeing General Banaanan’s aiguillettes and medals, were overcome by an intense impulse to devour them.

“You fools—every last one of you might as well be clay dolls.”

He crossed his legs and sat in the chair.
He took out a newspaper and reading glasses from his pocket and, deliberately furrowing his brow, began to read.
He burped repeatedly.
Eventually, he fell asleep.

Sergeant Major (in a low voice): “The General’s medals look really sweet.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “That does look sweet.”

Sergeant Major: “Is it truly impossible for us to eat them?”

“That is absolutely unthinkable.”
“There exists no precedent of military personnel consuming honorable medals.”

Sergeant Major: “What would become of us if we ate them?”

“It would mean a court-martial.”
“Followed inevitably by execution by firing squad.”
Meanwhile, all the soldiers collapsed once again.

Sergeant Major (lifting his face): “Superior Officer.”
“I have reached my decision.”
“Within this Starving Camp, our fate has already been sealed.”
“We face annihilation not through warfare but through starvation.”
“We sixteen survivors of the once-mighty Banaanan Army too shall perish.”
“If at this critical hour I steal and consume the General’s medals and aiguillette, our deaths may yet be forestalled.”
“I shall bear full responsibility—submit myself to court-martial and face the firing squad.”

“Sergeant Major, you’ve spoken well for us.”
“You alone I will not kill.”
“I’ll definitely go with you.”
“Let us throw out two lives in place of ten.”
“Right.”
“Let’s begin.”
“Fall in!”
“Attention!”
“Right—face!”
“Front—face!”
“Number off!”

Soldiers: “One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! Eleven!”

“Good. His Excellency is still resting. Listen up.”
“Though it is somewhat irregular under military law, we will now begin our meal.”
The soldiers rejoiced.

The Sergeant Major took a step forward.

“No—stealing is out of the question.”
“We must carry this out with greater dignity.”
“Listen up.”
“I’ll do it.”

The Special Duty Sergeant Major advanced before General Banaanan and stood at attention.
The Sergeant Major and those below him followed suit and lined up in a row.

Special Duty Sergeant Major (raising his hand and shouting): “Your Excellency!”

General Banaanan (slowly opening his eyes): “What’s all this racket?”

“Your Excellency’s military exploits truly illuminate all corners of the world.”

“Hmph. That’s acceptable.”

“Your Excellency’s honor is our honor.”

“Hmm. That is acceptable.”

“Your Excellency’s medals are all truly splendid.”
“Each time we gaze upon Your Excellency’s medals, we are truly moved to tears and find our throats choking up.”

“Hmph, that may be so.”

“However, we have unfortunately not yet had the opportunity to obtain—and thus have not possessed the honor of fully and properly viewing Your Excellency’s medals.”

“That’s correct—until now we’ve been too occupied.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Your Excellency. Taking this opportunity, we all would very much like to receive Your Excellency’s thorough demonstration.”

General Banaanan: “That is acceptable. Which medal do you wish to see?”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Starting with the largest one.”

“This is the largest one.”
“The Rontenpunarule Medal.”
He removed the largest medal from his chest and handed it to the Special Duty Sergeant Major.
“Your Excellency, in which campaign were you awarded this one?”
“The India War.”

“Is this blue part in the center genuine rock sugar?”

“It is indeed genuine rock sugar.”

“It is truly splendid.” (He passed it to the Sergeant Major.
The Sergeant Major passed it to Soldier 1.
Soldier 1 immediately swallowed this.)

“What is the next one?”

General Banaanan: “This is the Fanteplaque Medal.”
He removed it.

“It shines so brilliantly that it seems to dazzle the eyes, sir.”

“That’s right. I received this one in the Nicotine Campaign of the Sino-Japanese War.”

“It is truly splendid.”

General Banaanan: “That’s right.”
(Soldier 2 swallowed it.)

“What do you think? This one’s from the Tibet War.”

“Ah yes, I see the mark of a Tibetan horse is present here.”
(Soldier 3 swallows the medal.)

General Banaanan: “This is the Franco-Prussian War.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Ah yes, I see the mark of Napoleon Ponapardo’s neck is present here.”
“However, did Your Excellency participate in the Franco-Prussian War?”

General Banaanan: “No, I bought it for sixty sen.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Ah, I see. It is truly splendid.”
“Sixty sen is too cheap.”

General Banaanan: “Hmm,” (Soldier 4 swallows it.)

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Which medal comes next?”

“This one,”
“From where was this one presented?”
“That would be America.
“It was presented by New York’s American Flour Company.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Is that so? That is astonishing.”
(Soldier 5 swallowed it.)
Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Which one is next?”
General Banaanan: “This one,”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “It is truly extraordinary, sir.”
“Is this one also from the Sino-Japanese War, sir?”

General Banaanan: “No—”
“No— I exchanged five pigs for a Chinese general, ’twas.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “I see—a ham sandwich, sir.”
(Soldier 6 swallows it.)

“How about this one?”

“It is splendid. What medal is this one, sir?”
“I took this one back from my son, ’twas.”
(Soldier 7 swallows it.)

“And the next one?”

“This is one I received when I stood guard at Bakuchi in the Monaco Kingdom, ’twas.”

“Ah, truly awe-inspiring, sir.”
(Soldier 8 swallows it.)

General Banaanan: “How about this one?”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Where is this medal from, sir?”

General Banaanan: “Handmade! Handmade!”
“I crafted it myself, ’twas.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Ah, I see. It is a splendid creation of yours.”
“May I request to view the next one?”
(Soldier 9 swallows it.)

General Banaanan: “This one here—I won it in a marathon race in Afghanistan, ’twas.”
(Soldier 10 swallows it.)

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Ah, I see. Which one is next?”

General Banaanan: “There’s only two left now.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major (inspecting the soldiers): “Two more should be just right, sir.”

“What about them?”

Special Duty Sergeant Major (intensely bluffing): “That is correct, sir.”

General Banaanan: “Medals?”
“Very well.”
(Removes them.)

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “From where was this one presented, sir?”

General Banaanan: “It’s from the Italian Thugs Association.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Ah, I see. It says Jigoma.”
(To Sergeant Major) “Hey. Do it.”
(Sergeant Major swallows it.)

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Truly splendid, sir.”

General Banaanan: “This one is even more splendid!”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “From where did you receive this one, sir?”

General Banaanan: “I picked it up on the streets of Slenington during our minus fifteen-ri advance in the Belgian Campaign.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “I see.” (Swallows.) “There remains some horse dung adhered to it, but it is splendid.”

General Banaanan: “What say you? Are they not all magnificent?”

They all: “They were truly splendid.”

“Were they splendid? Unacceptable.”
“You cannot grasp proper speech.”
“You must declare ‘They are splendid’.”
“To say ‘were’ casts it into past tense.”

“They are splendid.”

“Yes, I actually intended that last one to be in the present perfect tense.”
“Now then, Your Excellency, taking advantage of this opportune moment, I humbly wish to view your resplendent aiguillette as well.”

“Hmph, I suppose that’s acceptable.”

(He hands over the aiguillette.)

“Truly magnificent beyond measure, sir.”

“Hmm.
“It’s pure gold through and through.
“Don’t you dare melt it down.”

“Understood, all is secure. You six at the rear—inspect it properly.”
(Passes it over.)
(The last six soldiers take it and promptly tear off one segment each.)

“Stop! Cease! You’ll ruin the aiguillette!”

“No need for concern—I’ll have it reassembled immediately.
“With your permission, I now humbly request to examine its counterpart as well.”

General Banaanan: “Hmph, if you fully reassemble it later, I suppose that’s acceptable.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Ah, pure gold indeed. I’ll reassemble it right away.”
(He tore off one piece and handed it to the Sergeant Major.)
The rest followed suit.
(They began peeling each layer.)

General Banaanan (startled): “Ah! No, no!
“You mustn’t peel it!”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Hurry up and swallow it down, you lot!”
(They all swallowed.)

General Banaanan (crying): “Ah, how pathetic.”
“You dogs! You beasts!”
“You mud dolls! You’ve gone and eaten all my medals.”
“You’ll see what happens!”
“Pathetic.”
“Waaah!”

(He cried.) (The soldiers stood despondent.)

(The soldiers, now that they had finally recovered from starvation, found themselves unable to withstand the pangs of conscience.)

Soldier 3: “Oh… We’ve done something terrible.”

Soldier 10: “I was so caught up I went and did it.”

Soldier 1: “Seemed like there were rubber threads attached to the medals and stomachs...”

Soldier 9: “How am I supposed to apologize to the General and the State…”

Soldier 7: “There’s no way to apologize.”

Soldier 5: “We’ve got no choice but to die.”

“Let’s all die. Let’s commit suicide.”

“No—it’s all my fault.
“I was the one who came up with this idea.”

“No—I’m the one responsible.
“I must die.”

“Superior Officer, let us two die as we initially agreed.”

“That’s right. Hey, everyone.
“You knew nothing about this incident.
“The ones at fault are the two of us.
“We’ll take responsibility and die, so don’t you dare do anything rash.
“From now on as well, keep strictly to military regulations and serve the nation diligently.”

“No, it won’t do.”
“It won’t do.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “No good!
“I command you fools!”
“You mustn’t move while the General’s address continues!”
“Attention!”
The soldiers stood rigid.

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “Sergeant Major, let’s get ready.”

(Produces pistol.) “Let us pray.
“Together.”

Special Duty Sergeant Major: “In the twilight of the Starving Camp,
the sins committed are exceedingly deep.
Ah, with the blue fire of the night sky,
cleanse our sins.”

Sergeant Major: “In the sorrow of Marlton Plain,
Light is not buried in earth.
Ah, send merciful rain down,
Grant forgiveness for our sins.”

Chorus: “Ah, send merciful rain down,
Grant forgiveness for our sins.”

(Special Duty Sergeant Major mimes a pistol, about to commit suicide.)

(General Banaanan, who had been meditating with closed eyes until this moment, suddenly stood up and shouted.)

“Halt! Stop!”

(The Special Duty Sergeant Major stood dazed, still miming the pistol.)
(The General seized the pistol.)

“Enough! I’ve seen through it all.
“I’ve witnessed what lies at your core.
“Set against your earnestness, my medals amount to less than dust.”

“Oh, let God be praised. Truly, if viewed through His divine eyes, medals and aiguillettes are no different from rubble.”

“General, I have committed an inexcusable act.”

“General, please grant me death.”

“No—I won’t allow it.”

“However, from now on, every time we pay respects to the General’s uniform each day, we must be severely tormented by our consciences.”

“No—now that I have received divine power through God’s grace alone—I have invented new gymnastics.”
“It shall be named Productive Gymnastics.”
“It shall inherently differ from conventional unproductive gymnastics.”

“Your Excellency, we humbly request to receive that training.”

“Hmph. That is naturally acceptable.”
“Listen well.”

“Gather round!”
(Everything proceeded as per commands.) Shon!
“Right stance—execute!”
“Recover!”
“Number off!”

Soldiers: “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve—”

The soldiers formed a squad.

“Front row—two steps forward!”
“Even numbers—one step forward!”

“Understood? We will now begin Productive Gymnastics. First Fruit Tree Pruning Method—do you understand? Number Three!”

“Understood. Fruit Tree Pruning Method, sir.”

“Very well.”
“Fruit Tree Pruning Method, Part One: Pyramid. Form this shape on the first command.”
“Return to position on two. Understood?”

General Banaanan raised both arms to form the pyramid shape of the pruning method.

“Understood?”
“Fruit Tree Pruning Method, Part One: Pyramid.”
“One, ready.”
“Two, ready. One, two, one, two, one. Halt!”

“Understood? Next: Base.”
“Base: form this shape on count one.”
“Return on two.”
“Understood?”
“Understood?”
“Number Five!”

“Yes sir! Understood.”
“Base.”
“Cup-shaped training, sir.”

“Very well.”
“Fruit Tree Pruning Method, Part Two: Base One.”

A soldier: “One,”

“Two, one, two, one, two, one, two—halt!”

“Next is Fruit Tree Pruning Method Part Three: Candelabra.”
“Here, form a two-branch Candelabra—a U-shape.”
“At this stage, the key lies in having both shoulders and arms form a U-shape. Making this part a right angle needlessly is unnecessary—both for blood circulation and sap flow.”
“The key lies in achieving this form.”
“Understood?”
“Number Six!”

“Understood.”
“Candelabra—a U-shape, sir.”

“Very well.”
“Fruit Tree Pruning Method, Part Three: Candelabra—begin! One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two—halt!”

“Very well.”
“Fruit Tree Pruning Method Part Four, Subpart One: Horizontal Cordon. Begin!”
“One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one. Halt!”

“Next is Part Four, Subpart Two: Vertical Cordon.”
“This is acceptable as it is.”
“Only the designated terminology is to be used.”
“One, two, one, two. Understood?”
“Number Eight!”

“Vertical Cordon, sir.”

“Very well.”
“Fruit Tree Pruning Method, Part Four, Subpart Two: Vertical Cordon—begin! One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one. Halt!”

“Next is Ebenheital—Fan-shaped Training. Form this shape.”
“The difference between Ebenheital’s base and this lies in your hands and body existing within a single plane.”
“Understood?”
“Number Nine!”

“Yes, sir!”
“Fruit Tree Pruning Method, Part Five: Ebenheital, sir.”

“Very well.”
“Fruit Tree Pruning Method, Part Five: Ebenheital—begin! One, two, one, two, one, two, one. Halt!”

“Next is Fruit Tree Pruning Method, Part Six: Trellis Training—performed in Japan when cultivating pears, grapes, and such.”
“Build the trellis. The trellis.”
“Understood?”
“Number Ten!”

“Fruit Tree Pruning Method, Part Six: Trellis Training, sir.”

“Very well.”
“Fruit Tree Pruning Method, Part Six: Trellis Training—begin!”
“One.”

(The soldiers linked their arms and formed a trellis.)
General Banaanan, holding a hand basket, passed beneath it and busily gathered fruits.

“Truly splendid. These fruits are all made of amber.”
“And yet they lack amber’s peculiar odor.”
“They’re filled with sweet, chilled juice.”
“They overflow with fresh esters.”
“Moreover, these jewels exist in abundance without burdening anyone.”
“They’ll bear fruit again next year.”
“Divine blessing.”
“Furthermore, these leaves shine with golden splendor!”
“When sunlight penetrates the chlorophyll, that very chlorophyll shall yield gold.”
“All praise be to God!”

(The general came out with a basket heaped with fruits.)
He took out a notebook, quickly wrote something down, and handed it to the Special Duty Sergeant Major; it passed through the ranks in turn as they marched while chanting.
(The soldiers followed this.)

**General Banaanan’s Marching Song**

Chorus: "Glorious Banaanan Army"

Though we assemble on Marlton Plain,

Barren mountains, rivers run dry—no recourse remains,

Day upon day drags in starvation's camp;

When night falls thick, warriors face

Dumdum rounds and grapeshot blasts,

Poison gas tanks hold no terror,

But hunger gnaws, exhaustion claims—how can we withstand?

The General's medals we reluctantly consumed—

Their radiant glory,

Blinding aiguillettes—

Those twisted sins shall not be inscribed.

Alas, the two warriors—

To atone through death they resolved—

At this time, from beyond the clouds—

God looks down from afar—

the divine grace bestowed—

New-style productive gymnastics!

Base Pyramid Candelabru

And Palmette Ebenheital

In matters too, two cordons—

To trellis training we have come,

Like light descended,
Heavenly fruits—how shall we tend them?

Glory be radiant—
Upon rain-drenched black soil—
Glory be radiant—
“Upon rain-drenched black soil—”

Curtain.