Pathway to Japanese Literature

Mr. Nakano had a beautiful niece named Kiyoko.
She was the daughter of a certain Mr. Takei, who had married Nakano’s youngest sister.

Mr. Nakano and Kiyoko’s mother did not get along very well—partly because they had different mothers, partly because there was a considerable age difference between them. Moreover, Mr. Nakano was wealthy and influential, while the Takei family led an impoverished and destitute life, so the relationship between the two families remained extremely distant. Yet none of this prevented Kiyoko from remaining his beautiful niece.

Kiyoko would occasionally—though only about once every two months—come to Mr. Nakano’s house.

Mr. Nakano had many children—boys and girls.
And all of them, resembling Mr. Nakano, were unattractive.
When she mingled among them, Kiyoko appeared even more beautiful.

Mr. Nakano liked beautiful Kiyoko.
Eyebrows that looked as if they had never once met a razor since birth—smoothly drawn in a straight line; long cheek hairs emerging on her white cheeks; jet-black, luxuriant hair—carelessly gathered and coiled at the back of her head into a bundle too thick to grasp in both hands; each and every one of them was virgin eyebrows, virgin cheek hair, virgin hair.
And a gaze and countenance to match.
Whenever he saw her, Mr. Nakano would unthinkingly relax his large mouth beneath his coarse red beard and smile cheerfully to himself.

And strangely enough, Mr. Nakano had never once thought about Kiyoko’s marriage.
He had completely forgotten about such things as marrying Kiyoko off to one of his own children or finding her a good situation.
Kiyoko had already graduated from school and turned nineteen, but to Mr. Nakano she remained—and would forever remain—an innocent virgin.

One Sunday in early March, Kiyoko came bringing a great many rapeseed flowers.
And she tried to arrange them in the vase in the alcove of the sitting room.
But it didn’t seem to be going well at all, and in the end, she grew strangely flustered.

That was amusing to Mr. Nakano.
But Mr. Nakano adopted a plausible tone.

“Trying to arrange just rapeseed flowers is impossible.
You need something to serve as the core…”

“That’s fine,” Kiyoko replied irritably.
“I’m trying to express a rapeseed flower field.”

“The expression was good, I suppose.”

However, Mr. Nakano’s tone held not a trace of sarcasm and seemed genuinely cheerful.

“Well, I’m expressing it,” Kiyoko declared calmly.
“When it gets warm, I intend to go see a place where nothing but rapeseed flowers are blooming.”
“Is there even such a place near Tokyo…?”

After that, Kiyoko fell silent and somehow managed to arrange the rapeseed flowers.

While gazing at the faintly scented rapeseed flowers grown indoors, Mr. Nakano turned to his large rosewood desk and cheerfully resumed his research.

Kiyoko had been helping the youngest children with their elementary school exam preparations in the opposite room, but before long they all abandoned their studies and began frolicking boisterously.
Even the eldest daughter joined in.
Amidst the clamorous laughter, Kiyoko’s clear, buoyant voice rang out brightly.

Mr. Nakano could no longer focus on his research and went out to the sunny veranda, where he gazed absentmindedly at the garden.
The buds on the deciduous trees in the planting bed were swelling, and the ground was damp and dark.
There, Kiyoko suddenly appeared.

“Today is unusually lively.”
“It seems something joyful has occurred.”
“Yes…”

After trailing off her words, Kiyoko suddenly adopted a serious expression.
She seemed to have aged two or three years.

“I... I really wish Aunt were still alive...”
“Huh? Aunt...?”

Mr. Nakano was startled and stared at Kiyoko’s face.

“But it’s all right. Actually, there’s something I need to tell you. Please don’t scold me.”

“What are you talking about, so suddenly? I won’t scold you or anything—if you have something to say, go ahead and say it.”

“Not now. A little later…”

She suddenly raised her lowered face, and her eyes—staring intently—glowed from within like black crystal. Mr. Nakano started again and found himself momentarily unable to speak. In the meantime, Kiyoko silently went away.

The children were continuing to frolic noisily for another burst of time. That gradually subsided.

“What’s wrong, Miss Kiyoko? You’re so unpleasant—always lost in your thoughts.”

The one who was speaking was Shizuko, the older daughter.

That Shizuko later said this to Mr. Nakano:
“How strange Miss Kiyoko has been acting.”
“She would suddenly start making commotions or fall silent again—tears welling up in her eyes.”
“What do you suppose has happened?”

It didn’t make sense to Mr. Nakano either.
The glimmer of eyes like black crystal floated up in Mr. Nakano’s mind again and again.

From May to June, Mr. Nakano traveled to Manchuria on company business.

During that trip, an unexpected incident arose.

Kiyoko had received several marriage proposals.
Every time her parents consulted her about these matters, she would curtly reject them with a single word.
However, that spring there appeared one particularly promising candidate.
He was a medical graduate working as an assistant at Imperial University Hospital—from a good family, of high character, said to be a promising talent with a bright future, who was researching material for his doctoral dissertation.
Her parents grew quite enthusiastic.
Though Kiyoko was not yet at an age requiring urgent marriage decisions, she had a younger sister.
For these reasons, her parents eventually began frequently urging her to accept.
Yet Kiyoko always flatly refused.
Amidst this situation, she suddenly ran away from home and began cohabiting with a poet named Sasahe who wasn't particularly well-known.
It appeared Kiyoko had been romantically involved with this man for some time—upon later reflection, there had been frequent suspicious letters arriving for her, and she had often gone out under the pretense of visiting Mr. Nakano's house only to meet him elsewhere.

Kiyoko’s mother, who rarely ever showed her face, came to Mr. Nakano’s house herself and brought up her troubles, at a loss for what to do.

“We were careless.”
“Because she usually seemed so innocent, I never dreamed she would do such a thing.”

“Well, anyone would…” replied Mr. Nakano.

“It would be good if she would come back home once, but she says she’d rather die than return home, and that man apparently keeps saying things like ‘We’re risking our lives...’ so I’m also worried that if they push themselves too far and something terrible happens, and I’m at a loss about what to do.”
“And besides, we can’t just leave things as they are.”
“Society’s gossip is already harsh enough, and if this were to end up in the newspapers, it would truly expose our shame to the world… Don’t you have some clever solution?”

When Mr. Nakano first heard about this matter, he wasn’t particularly surprised.
Not only was he not surprised—he felt as though he were hearing some dreamlike fairy tale.
He himself found it somewhat strange.
And then, he recalled once more the glimmer of eyes like black crystal.

“Then she should just go ahead and be with that man,” Mr. Nakano said calmly.

“Well, we still don’t know anything about his lineage or background, and he’s merely someone who writes poetry—just idling about in a boarding house, they say.”

“If you investigate his lineage, it should become clear soon enough. Moreover, poets today might be lounging around in boarding houses, but tomorrow they could become famous throughout the world.”

“Hmm… Is that so?”

“Anyway, her being with that man is the best course of action, don’t you think?”

“I never would have dreamed you’d have such thoughts.”
“Truly, I was at such a loss that I ended up just spacing out…”

Mr. Nakano was actually spacing out.
Mr. Nakano would sometimes lapse into a vacant stare.
And at such times, there was one thing he often recalled.

It was when Mr. Nakano was about ten years old. After his biological mother died and a young stepmother came into the household, he found himself feeling an entirely different kind of attachment toward this new mother compared to what he had felt for his real mother. Kiyoko’s mother—then an infant of about two—being cradled against someone’s chest and nursing filled him with strange envy and jealousy. Driven by these feelings, he once committed a terrible prank. The young stepmother always wore her hair in a traditional Japanese style and kept various hair ornaments adorned with tortoiseshell combs, coral pins, agate beads, and other beautiful accessories. He quietly stole them and hid them away. Mother began making a great fuss. Though the hair ornaments were eventually found in the cupboard, he kept an innocent face. The next day, he repeated the prank. This time they discovered it was his doing. With her hair still disheveled, Mother called him to a secluded spot where she scolded and lamented. Tears pooling in her eyes, she implored him—insisting she treated him no differently from her own child, that she truly cherished him, asking why he would torment her when she’d done nothing wrong. As he listened, an unbearable sadness overwhelmed him, and he clung to her lap weeping. Then when she lifted him onto her knees, he looked up through his tears to find her face appearing exquisitely gentle, beautiful, even divine. Burying his face in her chest once more, he trembled as he cried.

He couldn’t understand what connection this feeling of reminiscence had to Kiyoko.
No—it might have been more deeply related not to Kiyoko’s situation but to his own circumstances of having lost his wife and still not taking a new one despite being burdened with many children.
But in any case, as Nakano faced Kiyoko’s mother—who had been an infant at the time—he absently recalled such strange things while envisioning a radiant, beautiful vision… That beautiful virgin Kiyoko was staking her life on love.
The man in question was a beautiful person worthy of it.
They were now smoldering in a shabby boarding house room, but from their love would eventually…

News of Kiyoko rarely reached Mr. Nakano’s ears after that.
Of course Kiyoko did not come to visit, and Mr. Nakano did not go out to the Takei household either.

When summer reached its hottest point, as was his annual custom, Mr. Nakano went to the Hitachi coast with his family.
The eldest child, who was attending high school, had gone on a mountain-climbing trip with friends, so he took Shizuko, the second-year middle school child, two daughters who were going to elementary school, and two maids.

The good weather continued day after day.
The fishing yields were plentiful.
Though they came every year, the seaside still felt refreshing and novel.

Then one day, a pink envelope from Kiyoko arrived.

Uncle.

I hardly know how to express myself—I can only offer my deepest gratitude from the bottom of my heart.
I was more terrified of being scolded by you, Uncle, than by anyone or anything else.
And regarding this matter, I truly believed that you would be the one most furious of all, yet...
Ah, how can I possibly find the words?
When I later learned that you were the first to truly understand us and extend your sympathy before anyone else, I nearly burst into tears.
Through your influence alone, I was forgiven for everything.
Father and Mother also forgave me.
And now I can openly walk the path I believe in together with Sasahe.

Looking back now, I am horrified at how I could have done such a thing back then.
But I—my heart—had no other way but to do that, you see.
Believing and moving forward is indeed a great strength.
Uncle, please believe us.
Please believe that we are proceeding along the true path.

I now feel I can express my gratitude to you, Uncle, with a clear and resolute heart.
It was solely to convey this—this alone—that I have decided to send this letter.
When you have returned from the coast, would it be acceptable for us to come visit you together with Sasahe?
Sasahe, too, is ever so grateful.
Uncle is truly our strength.
I will explain in detail once I have the pleasure of meeting you in person.
As I cannot write anything more now, I will conclude here.

I humbly pray that you take good care of your health.

Dear Uncle,
Kiyoko

At first, Mr. Nakano didn’t fully comprehend the letter’s contents, but as he read through it a second time, an enraptured smile rose to his cheeks.

Then Mr. Nakano, holding the letter in one hand while twisting his thin red beard with the other, went to check on the room where Shizuko and the others were.
However, upon seeing Shizuko’s low, flat-featured face, he hid the letter behind his back as if suddenly regaining his senses.

“Instead of just lying around all the time, why don’t you go out to the sea or something?”

“But I just went a little while ago. …Oh, Father, is something the matter?”

“Hmm….”

Mr. Nakano tilted his head slightly with an air of reasonableness, then returned to his room.

The distant sound of waves echoed, and outside, the sunlight glared harshly.

Mr. Nakano read through the letter once more and considered writing a reply.
Yet no suitable phrases rose to mind.
When he suddenly realized and examined the letter, Kiyoko’s address was nowhere written.

“Ah, I see….”

Mr. Nakano twisted his mouth in an odd manner and fixed his smiling gaze on the sky.

A deep, rumbling roar, like the blowing wind—the sound of waves spread out far and wide across the expanse.

Late on a still sweltering Sunday afternoon at September’s end, Kiyoko and Sasahe arrived together at Mr. Nakano’s house without warning.
Though Mr. Nakano had been anticipating this moment, he started in surprise and half-rose from his seat.
But he lowered himself back down at once.

“Show them in here.”

After the maid had left, Mr. Nakano hurriedly adjusted his posture, straightened his collar, and smoothed down his unruly hair with a quick touch.

Kiyoko and Sasahe—like ghosts, Mr. Nakano felt—entered without making a sound and sat at the edge of the entrance threshold.

“This is my first time having the honor of meeting you,” Sasahe said in a low voice.

“Ah….”
“Come over here—all the way in.”

Even Kiyoko was fidgeting.
When they finally settled into their seats, Kiyoko spoke with her face still lowered.

“Today—I hope we’re not intruding.”

“Not at all, you’ve come at just the right time.”

But once they were seated face to face like that, there was nothing to talk about.
Mr. Nakano knew nothing about literary matters; he had only vaguely imagined literary people as if they were a different species and held little interest in them.
Sasahe had even less knowledge of business matters and similarly held no interest.
Every topic brought up between the two of them fizzled out after just a few words.
Even Kiyoko remained oddly composed and silent.

The mood was completely different now, Mr. Nakano thought.
And Mr. Nakano’s gaze, shifting from Kiyoko to Sasahe, gradually grew sharper within the gathering silence.

Mr. Nakano observed various things in a manner akin to appraising antiques.
On Kiyoko’s face, a few scattered freckles were visible here and there.
Those previously unnoticed freckles could deepen her expression into something profound or render it shallow depending on her state of mind.
She remained beautiful with her long hair at the nape, her neatly groomed eyebrows, and eyes that suited them perfectly.
At first glance, Sasahe had quite well-proportioned facial features.
Yet from those features—though his eyes, nose, and mouth were all ordinary yet neatly arranged—upon closer inspection, a kind of ugliness began to surface.
It was an ugliness that defied pinpointing—a featureless mediocrity one might call an ordinariness without distinction.
Moreover, his hands from the wrists onward appeared strangely large for his body proportions, his fingers seeming excessively long.
Or rather, his entire hands seemed too lengthy altogether.
He would occasionally raise those hands to brush back his soft long hair that felt delicate to the touch.

“A little adventure can be interesting when you’re young. Well, while you’re busy with various things, you’ll eventually settle down where you belong,” said Mr. Nakano.

“No, it’s not like that…” Sasahe began to say, then assumed an intensely serious expression. “I intend to pursue this path with utmost seriousness.”

“That’s fine too.”
And Mr. Nakano diverted the conversation.
“Kiyoko, I received a letter from you by the sea, and when I tried to send a reply, there was no address written, was there.”
“I thought to myself, ‘Ah, I see.’”

“What do you mean by ‘I see’… Why?”
“It’s not for any particular reason… Still, I suppose I see…”
At that point, Mr. Nakano reached an impasse.

A windless, quiet afternoon hung unusually sweltering.
Even the cicadas’ drone permeated the stillness.

“You may stay as long as you like today.”
“Let me offer you proper hospitality.”

“No, we’ll accept your kindness another time,” Kiyoko replied.

Even so, the two of them showed no sign of rising from their seats.
There were no common topics to discuss, and so Mr. Nakano reluctantly began talking about the sea.
Beach seine nets, fish, fishermen, children... But neither the speaker nor the listeners seemed particularly engaged.

"Something feels off…" Mr. Nakano thought, and suddenly stood up.
And, ordering the maids, he promptly had a meal prepared.

The two of them headed to the dining table without even declining.

Sasahe clumsily received the cup with his large hands. Placing the tip of his thumb on the rim and supporting the threaded base with four fingers, he gulped down cup after cup. No matter how much he drank, he seemed unfazed. But midway, he abruptly turned his cup facedown.

“I’ll have my meal now.”

He hurriedly shoved the meal into his mouth with chopstick tips he seemed to handle poorly, chewed perfunctorily for form’s sake, and immediately swallowed it down.

When compared to Kiyoko, who was eating properly, Sasahe’s poorly-mannered appearance stood out strikingly. At the same time, the ugly impression of his face and the largeness of his hands became even more noticeable. And his forehead area and the tip of his chin had an oddly overly symmetrical shape.

Mr. Nakano continued pouring himself drinks alone and brought up that sea topic again.
While inwardly considering that only Sasahe’s forehead and chin tip suited Kiyoko, he suddenly caught a shared scent between them—a vague atmospheric odor known only to those acquainted with carnal relationships.
It was an indistinct sort of smell, an ambiance understood solely by those versed in intimate affairs.
Mr. Nakano blinked his large eyes with sagging lids.

“You two get along well, I suppose.”

Kiyoko suddenly blushed.

“You’d better stay on good terms forever.”

It was ridiculous, but he felt strangely irritated.

The two of them left soon after finishing their meal. Sasahe made an awkward bow, and Kiyoko made an excessively polite bow.

At that moment, Mr. Nakano remembered how Kiyoko had kept herself composed, rarely speaking with the children.
Since it was Sasahe’s first visit, they did not join the children for meals; yet even toward Shizuko, who appeared two or three times, Kiyoko displayed an unnaturally composed demeanor and speech.

"So that’s how it is…" Mr. Nakano thought as he watched them leave.

Then he returned to the parlor and asked the elderly maid overseeing household matters.

“What do you think?”

“Huh?” The maid gave a puzzled look.

“That man, you know.”

“Isn’t he a fine gentleman?”

“Hmm, you think so?”
“So… those large hands are the jewel’s only flaw, you mean?”

“Huh? Hands…?”
“Hands…?”
The maid gave another puzzled look.

“Ha ha ha, well, never mind.”

But Mr. Nakano became extremely displeased.
He had gone beyond displeasure and reached an irritated state of mind.

“That brute having Kiyoko…”

While muttering to himself, he bit his lip with a terrifying expression.

December arrived and the cold came abruptly. From around the tenth onward, the oppressive snow-filled sky lingered daily, never quite managing to clear.

One day, a telephone call came to Mr. Nakano at his company.
Upon hearing the name Sasahe, Mr. Nakano couldn’t immediately recall who it was, but once he realized, he hurriedly pressed the receiver to his ear.
The caller was Kiyoko.
She said there was an urgent request and asked if she could come that evening.
When he answered “Fine,” the phone was immediately hung up.

Mr. Nakano furrowed his eyebrows.
He still couldn’t guess what the request was about at all.
From evening onward, sporadic cotton-like flurries mixed with rain began to fall.

Amidst this, Kiyoko arrived a bit late, around eight-thirty. Compared to September’s visit, her freckles appeared slightly more numerous, but where cold air touched her cheeks, the skin had clarified into translucence—rendering her beauty all the sharper. “Dear Uncle, I have come with an earnest request.” Both the phrase “earnest request” and the demeanor accompanying it caught Mr. Nakano’s attention.

“What is it? Let’s hear it.”

“To tell the truth, I shouldn’t be asking something like this of you, Dear Uncle…”

And the wish that Kiyoko haltingly began to voice was a request to borrow two hundred yen.
After cohabiting with Sasahe, we have been renting the second floor—the landlord family there will be returning to Osaka by around the 25th.
However, we had accumulated about two months’ worth of unpaid rent that absolutely needed to be settled; there were various expenses involved in moving elsewhere; and we also had to make some preparations for New Year’s. We were short by around two hundred yen no matter what, so Sasahe had rushed around everywhere trying to secure funds, but with it being the end of the year, things hadn’t gone as hoped.

“At this point, I can’t bring myself to ask my own family for help either—and since Sasahe has become somewhat estranged from his family back home because of our situation—we’re truly at our wits’ end.”
“If you help me, Dear Uncle, I will owe you a lifelong debt.”
“It’s an impertinent request, but we’ve reached our absolute limit, you see.”

Mr. Nakano let out a puff of Shikishima smoke as he gazed at Kiyoko’s beautiful eyebrows and the skin on her cheeks.

“Well, well…”

Then suddenly, Kiyoko’s flashy kimono caught his eye.

“But… looking at your appearance, you don’t seem to be in such dire straits after all.”
“And yet… seeing you dressed so fashionably like this.”

“Oh!” Kiyoko gestured just as she had before cohabitation. “But... this is the last kimono I have. And besides, I’m always out and about.”

“You’re always out and about…”

“Yes, I’ve started studying—French, you know. I go to receive lessons three times a week, you know.”

“You’ve started studying French… What do you plan to do with something like that?”

“Since I had nothing to do each day, I tried it at Sasahe’s suggestion.”
“But… if you don’t know French, you can’t truly understand good poetry, you see.”

“If you don’t know French, you can’t understand good poetry… Is that how it works?”
“Well… It’s admirable all the same.”

“So… please listen.”
“Sasahe would be so very grateful.”

“Well, even if you’ve settled on me alone… I’ll have to give it some thought.”

“But there’s nothing to even consider… We’re truly in trouble, you see.”
“If that can’t be done, there’s simply no way we can manage.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. I haven’t hidden anything from you, Dear Uncle… nor told any lies.”

Kiyoko’s beautiful face tightened, and then, as it seemed about to twist into a tearful face, Mr. Nakano watched in surprise.

But that Sasahe... with those large hands....

Mr. Nakano suddenly said in a serious tone.

“Depending on the circumstances, I might take it on, but come with Mr. Sasahe once.”
“Let’s decide after properly hearing from Mr. Sasahe. Regarding you two, I do feel a certain sense of responsibility.”

“Coming with Sasahe… Such a thing….”

“There’s no need to hold back.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you, but I’d like to meet Mr. Sasahe as well.”

“But Dear Uncle insists I mustn’t come alone.”

“That’s not it.
I don’t want you to misunderstand.
Since you both hardly ever visit, I have to use even something like this as an excuse.”

“Then please listen.”

“Well, we’ll settle that later.”
“How about tomorrow evening?”

“Yes.”

Mr. Nakano relit the cigar and took a few quick puffs.

I must take my time to properly re-examine that fellow’s face… for Kiyoko’s sake.

While thinking in such a manner, Mr. Nakano remained seated at the dinner table for his evening drinks longer than usual.

The snow from the previous night had piled up, and it was a cold, hushed evening.

The children had burrowed into the kotatsu in that room across the way.

When Sasahe and Kiyoko arrived, Mr. Nakano was still having his evening drinks.
He ushered them to their seats.

“This time, I must apologize for making such an impertinent request…”

Without showing any sign of awkwardness, Sasahe calmly took his seat.

Mr. Nakano was beginning to feel the alcohol take a slightly stronger hold.
He ordered the maid to bring some snacks and immediately offered a sake cup to Sasahe.

“You’ve had quite the trouble coming out in this cold.”
“Well, why don’t you have a drink and warm yourselves up?”

Sasahe received the cup in the same manner as before and drank it down in one gulp.
Then, with clumsy chopsticks, he picked at the food on the small plate.

Those hands were still large.

And Mr. Nakano scrutinized his face. Though his features were well-proportioned, the overall impression remained one of ugliness. The beardless-looking skin had lost its luster.

As expected, there was no error in my eyes—that conviction began to gather in his gaze. At the same time, Sasahe—and even Kiyoko—began to stiffen unnaturally under that scrutiny.

They found not a single topic of mutual interest. In the middle of the silence, Mr. Nakano suddenly asked as if he had remembered something.

“Exactly how much income do you have?”

"Almost none," Sasahe answered clearly.

Almost none....

"It's completely irregular."
"I write poetry and children's stories, but it doesn't amount to much."

“That’s troublesome then.”
“You ought to find work somewhere.”

“I don’t believe I’d manage regular employment well.”
“Therefore, I plan to attempt writing novels henceforth.”

“Hoh, novels should make money, right?”

“Even so, it’s nothing substantial.”
“Well, I’m prepared to live in poverty my whole life.”
“I’ve been ready for poverty from the start—it doesn’t faze me.”

“Even so, this can’t be sustainable… Kiyoko, are you truly unbothered by this?”

“Yes. If we really can’t manage to eat anymore, I intend to become a maid or an office worker or something.”

“That might be fine for now….”

He started to say, “If even a child were born...” but swallowed the words.
A serious intensity moved across Kiyoko’s face, and it seemed to suddenly shine beautifully.

Mr. Nakano grew strangely irritated.

“Well, but it’s all part of being young.”

And he glared piercingly with his sagging eyelids.

“You seem capable of drinking quite a lot, but the way you hold your cup isn’t like a drinker’s. You have to hold it like this, or it won’t do.”

With his index finger and thumb—accompanied by three other fingers—he lightly lifted the cup to demonstrate.

“Ah, is that so?”

Sasahe nonchalantly mimicked the demonstrated way of holding it. Those hands were still disproportionately large.

“I once studied a bit of physiognomy, and your features… seem at least average or better.”
“Well, make sure you study hard.”

After hurriedly adding the final phrase as if tacking it on, Mr. Nakano let out a “ha ha ha” laugh.

That abruptly transformed the atmosphere of the room.
Sasahe shot a sharp glance at Mr. Nakano, then let his persistent gaze fall to his knees.
Kiyoko’s cheeks flushed a soft red.
Her face was now that of a full-fledged woman.

“Uncle, about what I asked you yesterday…”

“Well, I’ll hear you out.”

Mr. Nakano stood up after uttering this dismissal.
His legs were slightly unsteady.
Stomping heavily to steady himself, he brought a bundle of banknotes from the inner room.

“Take this.”
“There should be enough for your needs.”

Kiyoko’s eyes, having taken it, seemed to shine like black crystal once more.

“I am deeply grateful,” Sasahe said, bowing his head low.

“Oh, no need for thanks… Just see that this doesn’t happen often.”

Mr. Nakano had become terribly displeased.
When Sasahe and Kiyoko were leaving, he did not even rise from his seat.

What a man. …And now even that Kiyoko has joined him….

Even so, suddenly… like a wind that dims the sun, the corners of his eyes grew hot.
Then he stood up to go to the restroom.

It was a bone-chillingly cold evening.

Mr. Nakano once again sat down before the hot sake flask.
As he drifted drowsily into drunkenness, he began—unconsciously, imperceptibly—to twist his large mouth this way and that with a feeling of *ugly, ugly…*, to stare blankly through his sagging eyelids, and to twitch his thick eyebrows into frowns.

Who or what he should love or hate had become all jumbled together.

At the faint rustle like falling snow, Mr. Nakano came back to his senses.
He went to the tearoom and questioned the older maid.

“What do you think of that man?”

“That may be so….”

The maid answered perfunctorily while once more giving Mr. Nakano a quizzical look.

“Still, those are some large hands he has.”

“But… isn’t it said that large hands are a good thing?”

“Hmm…”

While tilting his head with a superficial show of thoughtfulness, Mr. Nakano, deep in his mind, conjured the glint of Kiyoko’s black-crystal eyes and lamented why he hadn’t flung the banknotes in Sasahe’s face.
And he grew terribly displeased and angry.