Pathway to Japanese Literature

Keiko Mieko was beautiful in appearance, graceful in demeanor, and intelligent as well, and was well-liked by many people. Having lost her husband—a naval captain—in the war, there had been several proposals for remarriage afterward, but she paid them no heed and continued to live as a widow. With one live-in student, one maid for inner tasks, and one lower-ranking maid—that was the extent of the household—she was also caring for a middle school student from a distant relative. Her reputation in the neighborhood was also good.

However, lately, rumors whispered among acquaintances had begun to spread. It was rumored that Mieko had a lover. "Well, of all people... That woman." "That's exactly it." "I wonder if it's true." "It does appear to be true. But they say it's a bit odd because apparently no one has any idea who the man in question is."

Even scrutinizing the men within Mieko’s social circle yielded no clues, and the origin of the rumors remained unclear. As matters reached this state, even the truth of the rumors themselves came under suspicion. Before long, the rumors began to take on a new form. It was rumored that Mieko was pregnant. “My, how they’re becoming more concrete by the day.” “That’s right. But apparently, they still don’t know who the man in question is.” “Hohoho, like the Virgin Mary….” “Though of course, that woman isn’t a virgin.”

“If Lord Christ himself were to be born now, it would cause quite the uproar, wouldn’t it?” “Well, who can say?” “She might have taken care of it before giving birth.” “I wonder if such a thing can be done so easily.” “Sooner or later, it would be something like hospitalization or travel, I suppose.”

However, Mieko’s daily routine showed not the slightest change. There was neither hospitalization nor travel, nor even any signs of fatigue on her face; her social engagements—plays, movies, tea gatherings—continued as usual. Even when subjected to acquaintances’ curious gazes upon her abdomen, she seemed not to care in the slightest. Even among close friends, while the rumors remained confined to the matter of a lover, things were still manageable; but once it came to pregnancy, they found themselves hesitant to broach the subject directly to her, a widow. However, while the shift in rumors from lover to pregnancy was indeed too rapid temporally, paying attention to such matters would have been impossible in mere social interactions; moreover, it was entirely possible for both to occur simultaneously.

Mieko’s abdomen did not swell in the least. However, as autumn deepened, she seemed to gain some weight. And she began handling cigarettes more often. Moreover, she had never been much of a smoker to begin with, and only occasionally took a few puffs.

“I seem to have put on some weight lately—I can’t stand it,” she said. “On the contrary, it’s not a bad thing at all. If anything, you’ve always been on the slender side.” “That may be true, but just imagining myself becoming all bloated... It’s unbearable. At my age, it would still be rather pathetic, don’t you think?” “Nonsense—you haven’t gained nearly as much as you imagine. When you talk like that, it sounds like a veiled jab at someone like me.”

“But I’m a single woman,” she said. “It’s better to stay slim. That’s why I’ve taken to smoking cigarettes like this, you see. They say smoking keeps you from gaining weight.”

She laughed brightly.

Such things seemed to have absolutely no relation to her abdomen. Because her abdomen showed no sign of swelling, the acquaintances felt somewhat let down. Though they were called acquaintances, given that her social circle—being that of a woman who was already thirty-five—included a considerable number of men. And to the men, the secret rumors about her left an even worse impression than they did among the women. “Whether that person’s making up a lover or whatever, that’s none of our business.”

That was the initial opinion. Mieko was beautiful, she was a widow—not someone one could disregard indifferently—but so long as this rumor of a lover remained vague, its anonymity merely lent her a touch of allure. Had they known precisely who the man was, circumstances would naturally have taken a different turn. Yet when rumors abruptly pivoted to pregnancy, they now carried an undercurrent of revulsion. Far from alluring, it became something repulsive. And at this stage, men showed no mercy. Even her abdomen’s failure to swell drew ironic interpretations.

“The truth is, one can never let one’s guard down around women.” “To secretly take lovers, secretly get pregnant, secretly handle matters… In short, women possess the ability to conduct everything in secrecy.” “Compared to that, men might as well be infants.” “No matter how hard they try to keep things hidden, they always end up showing their tails.”

“But you’ve gone a bit too far with that ‘getting pregnant in secret’ part.” “Hahaha, shall I correct it to ‘without men knowing’?” And thus it was met with another burst of laughter. The veracity of the rumors was never the issue. Contempt and indifference were separated by a paper-thin margin.

It was just around that time. Keiko Mieko found herself slightly troubled. With an inexplicable gloominess that even she couldn’t comprehend, there were moments when she would sit in a daze for an hour or even two. Still, she greeted every visitor with cheerful composure. It had become second nature.

On the evening Masami Asano came, Mieko had him ushered into the parlor. Since he was the man who tutored her middle schooler Tetsuo twice a week, and as Tetsuo was lying in bed with cold symptoms, she could have simply sent him home; however, there was something weighing on her mind. She looked in on Tetsuo’s condition, then went out to the parlor.

Asano stood stiffly, gazing at the Western-style landscape painting hanging on the wall. He hastily bowed and remained standing.

“Please.” Mieko pointed to the small table by the window and sat down on the sofa to the side. “How is Tetsuo doing?” “He has a slight cold, but I believe if he rests for a day or two, he should recover.” “I apologize for not informing you sooner.” “No, I don’t mind at all… Please take care of yourself.” Asano seemed to hesitate over whether to stay a little longer or take his leave immediately.

A faint smile floated onto Mieko’s cheek. She leaned one elbow on the tabletop, toying with a cigarette between her fingertips as she gazed at Asano. Asano had always maintained a timid, self-effacing manner toward her—or rather, an attitude of deliberate avoidance. Even when invited to the tearoom with offers of sushi after concluding Tetsuo’s lessons and preparing to leave, he would devise some excuse and slip swiftly away. Still, they were old acquaintances. Mieko’s late husband had extended him considerable support, and his graduation from vocational school had been achieved in no small part through the deceased man’s assistance. Since then, he had continued his regular visits. That Tetsuo had effectively become his pupil was owing to Mieko’s goodwill, for which he received ample compensation. Yet he appeared somehow reluctant to grow closer to Mieko herself.

And on the other hand, he spoke to Mieko without reserve. He spoke frankly and resolutely about everything. Just the other day, when they were alone, he had said to her: “Madam, please stay strong.” “Some rather unpleasant rumors have been circulating.” “Of course I don’t believe a word of it.” “I… I would do anything for you, Madam.” She tried to respond, but Tetsuo arrived there, and he hurriedly took his leave.

The men Mieko knew took overly familiar attitudes toward her while at the same time using roundabout, ambiguous language—nearly all of them, one might say. In that regard, Asano was completely opposite. His hair was stiff and unruly, but his slender, unbespectacled face was pale and even looked refined. “Mr. Asano,” Mieko called out. “There’s something I’d like to ask you.”

When Asano looked up in surprise, Mieko smiled faintly. “Regarding Tetsuo—I can’t help but feel he hasn’t been applying himself to his studies lately. What do you suppose is the matter?” “Generally speaking, middle school students these days all seem to be getting rather cheeky, don’t they?”

In truth, she wasn’t truly invested in that line of questioning. Into the black tea the maid had brought, she added a splash of whiskey, then added just a dash to her own tea as well. She would scoop a taste with her spoon, add another dash, then sample it again one spoonful at a time. Like a child playfully sampling treats, the silver spoon and her small fingernails sparkled in the light. “You needn’t worry about Tetsuo.” “He’s bright and quite diligent, isn’t he?” “If there’s anything you’re concerned about, shall I ask the homeroom teacher at that school?”

The school where Asano worked was different from the one Tetsuo attended.

“If you see it that way, then that’s already sufficient.” “Since I cannot properly look after him myself, I thought it might be best...” “After all, he’s a child I’ve taken in from the countryside…” “However, he’s grown quite attached to you, and you’ve been taking such good care of him—that alone is more than enough.” Mieko smiled fleetingly with her eyes. Her black eyes had a bluish tinge. “But if strange rumors start circulating about me, that wouldn’t do, would it?”

As Asano hesitated in his reply, Mieko smiled with her eyes again.

“You mentioned the other day that strange rumors were circulating about me.” “What sort of rumors are they?” “So you don’t know anything about it?” “No.” This time, her cheeks bloomed into a genuine smile. “Of course, it’s ridiculous.” “Something about you having a lover, or…” Asano’s face flushed crimson. “Well, that’s all there is to it.” “And then…”

Asano looked down and remained silent. "That’s all there is to rumors." "Yes." Asano answered. "What silly rumors they are, aren’t they? Where did you hear that?" "At Ms. Tachibana’s residence. After you introduced me, I go once a week to look after your child’s studies as well. Apparently there was some sort of celebration with a large number of guests, and I was forcibly dragged into attending, but at that time, I overheard that rumor being whispered between two ladies who were on the veranda. Although your name wasn’t explicitly mentioned, it seemed certain they were talking about you."

“I see.” “In that case, the rumors weren’t limited to just that, would they?”

Asano furrowed his brows. “Actually, there’s something even worse.” “Something about you being pregnant….”

Mieko beamed and nodded. “Rather, it’s a congratulatory matter.” “Having lovers appear and babies being born… *giggles*.” With a knowing chuckle, she stood up, pressed the call button by the door, and ordered the maid to bring more tea. When the tea and apples arrived, she once again added whiskey to her tea and began savoring it spoonful by spoonful when suddenly she paused her hand. “Ah, that one might be preferable.” “It will be ready soon, so please wait.”

When she left and he was alone, Asano lowered his head onto the table and covered his forehead with both hands. A profound silence lingered where only the sound of insects could be heard outside.

On the silver tray were two gin fizz glasses and a small plate of cheese. Mieko pushed it over in front of Asano. “Consider this my thanks. After all, you’re the only one who’s been forthright enough to tell me about those rumors.”

Asano raised his face.

“Mrs. Mieko, please don’t misunderstand. “I don’t believe any of those rumors at all. “That’s why I could tell you everything truthfully. “It just makes me angry. “I have been—and still am—deeply indebted to your household for a long time. “And it pains me to hear things that tarnish your honor. “It makes me furious.” “So, what should be done?” Her gently smiling figure appeared dazzling to Asano.

“I don’t understand anything.” “I don’t understand anything about your society.” “Spreading such rumors—taking pleasure in spreading them—the very person laughing as she listens… I’ve become completely unable to comprehend any of it.” “And it’s heartbreaking.” He downed his glass of Gin Fizz in one gulp. Mieko gazed absently into space for a moment before standing up and taking two or three steps toward the mantelpiece. She retrieved a sandalwood fan—now unused and forgotten among jars and vases—and stared at it blankly as she spoke.

“Well then, shall I let you in on the secret? That rumor—I asked Auntie Tachibana to spread it for me.” “You’re lying. Don’t try to deceive me,” Asano said indignantly. “You people and your bad habits. The problem is, all of you have far too many vulnerabilities. That’s why trivial matters end up looking important, and important matters end up looking trivial. I’ve always thought that if only you would work a bit more. It could be cleaning rooms, wiping floors, weeding the garden, or doing needlework—in any case, just work. I don’t mind that you’re wealthy, and I don’t mind that you wear your fine silk kimonos as everyday attire. Just work a bit more. Don’t stay up late, and wake up early in the morning. As for someone like me, you probably can’t even imagine how much I work. Well, I’m poor and have no house, so my wife is back in the countryside—under such circumstances, working is only natural. But I know the joy of labor, and I find solace in it. The joy of labor—if you could come to know even a little of that, you would undoubtedly become much more splendid.”

“Oh, but I’m quite busy myself, you know. I have to give various orders to the maid, and even with Sugiyama the live-in student here—since he goes to the law office in the afternoons—I must handle all the household matters in the morning. Just managing everything is quite taxing enough.” “That—the orders are what’s wrong. You’re always just giving orders, aren’t you? No matter how trivial, wouldn’t you consider doing even one or two things yourself? Not socializing—something else entirely. Like planting flowers or watering them—even such things would be fine…”

“Or running around barefoot…” Mieko started to speak but stopped short. Asano was crying. Unable to stop the tears overflowing from his eyelids, he covered his face with a handkerchief.

Mieko’s shoulders twitched slightly. She gazed upward through lowered eyelids and sank into thought. After a moment, she walked over to Asano, sat down on the sofa, and said gently, “What you’re saying—I do understand it well.” “But there are things that simply can’t be helped, you know.” Asano still had not raised his face.

“Even so, you said something quite bold.” “That is why I too have a bold request to make.” “Will you listen?”

Asano blew his nose and raised his eyes. Mieko thrust the remaining glass of Gin Fizz in front of him. “Please drink this first…”

Asano, with a bewildered expression, did as he was told. “You know, I’ve always wanted to slap a man’s cheek—just once—with all my might.” “Please let me slap your cheek.” “In return, I will let you slap my cheek.” Her voice trembled slightly. Asano responded almost unconsciously. “Go ahead.”

He closed his eyes and offered his cheek. After a moment’s hesitation, Mieko struck Asano’s cheek sharply with her palm. A sharp, glass-like crack rang out.

“Thank you.” Her voice sounded tearful. “Now mine, please.”

She closed her eyes. Neatly defined thin eyebrows, slightly swollen eyelids, long eyelashes fluttered faintly. “Go ahead.” she urged.

Asano quietly knelt down and buried his face in her lap. A faint fragrance seeped not into his nose but into his heart. "I can't do it." He sobbed. "I can’t. Please forgive me." Mieko, still with eyes closed, extended both hands and gently stroked his stiff hair. “Madam, please forgive me. I have admired you from the bottom of my heart.” Mieko’s quiet body took one deep breath and leaned back against the chair. Asano raised his upper body and leaned forward toward her chest, toward her lips. Mieko blocked it with her hand and shook her head.

“Not now.” She whispered in his ear. “From now on, I’ll be starting my English studies, so please look after me.” “I’ve made the study area something like my living room.” “From now on, we’ll do it over there…”

She stood up as if slipping through space, glided to the door, and pressed the call button.

When November arrived, tea parties were held here and there under the pretext of chrysanthemum viewing. Before the war, there had been chrysanthemum-viewing banquets at Shinjuku Gyoen; these tea parties were modeled after those. That said, in this season, what they called chrysanthemum viewing was merely nominal—there were hardly any chrysanthemum pots to speak of, and it was entirely a tea gathering where the food consisted of little more than sandwiches and coffee. Though they might have oden or sushi stalls as diversions, it was in truth nothing more than a social event.

The Itakura residence also held such an event. It was a windless fine day, perfectly suited for basking in the sun and chatting in the spacious garden. Chrysanthemum pots were sparsely arranged, and small tables and benches had been placed here and there. Red and white curtains had been hung near the veranda, and following that, Japanese and Western liquor bottles were lined up at the stalls. However, the fact that these alcoholic beverages came at a charge was their quaint charm.

At a small table in the corner of the spacious garden, Tsuneko Tachibana and Keiko Mieko sat facing each other, drinking coffee in a manner that seemed to avoid others. Tsuneko was already approaching fifty, her ample build endowed with dignified presence.

“Hey, Auntie.” Mieko spoke in a coaxing tone. “Just as I had said, wasn’t it?”

“That’s right.” “But the medicine might have been a bit too potent.”

“The pregnancy part.” “That’s right. A lover is one thing, but pregnancy—that’s rather awkward to spread. I had quite the struggle with it.” “But Auntie, you’re quite skilled at spreading rumors.” “My goodness, what are you saying? After you made me spread them all over the place.” Tsuneko pretended to glare. “I’ve realized for the first time. “How detestable pregnancy makes one to others…”

“Especially among men.”

“When you think about it, it really is a dreadful thing, isn’t it? Your abdomen swelling up like a balloon, your backside protruding… I’ve truly come to feel what a relief it was that I never became pregnant during my marriage.” “You can only say that because it’s now.” “I myself have borne three children.” “That was all in the past, I suppose.” “Well, isn’t that perfectly natural?”

“If it were in the past, I wouldn’t mind.” “Even I would be fine if it were in the past.” “The mere thought of it now, with this body… it sends shivers down my spine.”

“Ah, wait a moment.”

Tsuneko touched Mieko's arm. When she looked in the direction indicated, Hoshiyama—with that hulking frame of his, wearing baggy clothes—was walking away that way.

“It appears he looked our way and turned back.”

Mieko shrugged her shoulders and laughed. “So, Auntie, the pregnancy’s effect was instantaneous, wasn’t it?”

Tsuneko stared intently at Mieko’s face. “Just why on earth do you dislike Mr. Hoshiyama so much? You’ve even spread dangerous rumors… You didn’t have to go that far.”

“I detest him from the bottom of my heart.” “I couldn’t stand it any longer.” “It’s not about his business dealings or his demeanor or any of that.” “The way he won’t say a word to me directly—spouting sweet nothings through Mrs. Sugano, persistently pressing his suit—that method alone is detestable enough, but putting that aside for now, I can’t stand that ring of his.”

“The ring…” “The thick gold ring with intricate carvings—the one he always wears.” “Oh, that thing? It’s nothing significant, isn’t it?”

“Then, Auntie, do take it.” “He would surely give it to you, Auntie.”

“Hmm. Shall I take it then? Hohoho.” “Would you call that sort of thing American taste, I wonder?” “Well, who can say?” “Rather than that, it would be more fitting to call it a Japanese aesthetic from a bygone era, don’t you think?” “In any case, it’s hardly à la mode, don’t you think?” “That sort of thing is always ‘à la mode,’ no matter the era.” “He himself is just the same.” “What on earth is that ‘all’ something….”

Mieko’s mind was no longer there; remembering something, she chuckled softly. “You know, Auntie, I’ve started studying English.” “I’d completely forgotten about it, so even I was startled.” “You should try everything while you’re young.” “The teacher….” “Well, he isn’t particularly skilled, though…”

“Who?” “Is he a foreign person?”

“Since he isn’t skilled, of course he’s Japanese.” “Um… Mr. Asano.”

“Ah, I see.”

While replying nonchalantly, Tsuneko intently observed Mieko’s demeanor. Mieko diverted the conversation.

“And then, Auntie, I wonder about the stocks…”

“Oh, I completely forgot. “It’s okay, everything seems to be fine. “Just now, I happened to meet Mrs. Takagi—you know, the wife of that gentleman from the Prime Minister’s Office—and when I discreetly probed about it, the ship venture seems quite promising. “You’re also recklessly taking on too much, but well, for now, you’re managing to endure. “Since there seems to be hope, you shouldn’t let go of it.”

“What will you do now, Auntie?”

“I’ll wait for the right time too.” “And then, there’s someone I’d like to introduce you to—shall we go over there?” Tsuneko started to rise, then abruptly grabbed Mieko’s hand. “By the way—is it alright to leave that matter as it is?” “That matter…”

“What is it? You’re blushing…” Tsuneko smiled. “Is it really alright to let the rumors keep spreading without doing anything about them? Of course, since there’s absolutely no basis for who this supposed person is, and you’re out and about in public without a care like this, the rumors will likely die down soon enough—but given the nature of the issue itself…” “But it’s not as though we can retract them now, is it?”

“So I thought I might have to intervene again…”

Mieko lowered her eyes to her feet.

“I think it’s best to leave things be.” “I’ve had quite enough of these rumors.” “Besides, I’d already resolved myself for this eventuality anyway.”

Tsuneko still seemed uneasy and peered into Mieko’s face. Then, as if to change the mood, she stood up. “Please don’t make me worry so much.”

The two began walking in silence.

On the day the tea party was held at the Itakura residence—and in broad daylight at that—a strange incident occurred.

The Itakura residence occupied an expansive plot enclosed by concrete walls. Stepping beyond those walls and walking a short distance revealed a five-meter drop to the left—a low cliff overlooking a small mud pool. Below the cliff stretched war-scorched earth where sparse cottages stood among overgrown wastelands interspersed with vegetable plots. Fed by a spring, the murky red pool now lay abandoned by children, its surface dotted with drifting wood fragments forgotten there. Above this desolate water grew several spindly pine trees clinging to the cliff's edge.

At that cluster of pine trees, two men suddenly began to struggle. Both were dressed in suits, quite well-dressed. One was an overweight man in his fifties, and the other was still young and lean. The older man was ambling along when the younger man chased after him, uttered a few words, and suddenly struck him. After tussling for a while, the older man—either pushed off or slipping—tumbled down the cliff like a child and plunged into the mud pool. The younger man stood there for a while, looking down at him from above, but after picking up his own hat, he briskly walked away.

The scene was witnessed by no more than two or three passersby. It happened so fast that they couldn’t make sense of it. When they rushed over, the man was sitting in the pool, looking dazed. He then clumsily clambered out. The onlookers descended along the path and helped him up to the cliff top. He didn’t seem to have any serious injuries.

“Isn’t there a car around here?” He asked in a tone so startlingly vigorous and arrogant it defied his bedraggled state. Told there were likely no cars nearby, he paused as if weighing options—then marched off toward the Itakura residence, hat forgotten and still dripping mud, slipping through its back entrance. The onlookers gaped like fish hauled onto dry land.

That man was Koji Hoshiyama. Hoshiyama entered the Itakura residence through the back door, called a servant, requested secrecy on account of the tea party, phoned his distant home to ask them to bring a change of clothes and send a car, and borrowed the servant’s quarters to wash up. He had only abrasions on his forehead and arm. He was still quite drunk. “Because I was drunk, even when I fell off the cliff, I got away without any injuries. Ha ha ha.” He laughed with apparent nonchalance.

That was all there was to it, but the secret couldn’t hold. The Itakura household learned of it immediately. There had been witnesses to the scuffle as well. Yet when an officer came to investigate, Hoshiyama brushed it off as nonsense—admitting he’d been attacked but claiming it was by someone he knew, not a thief—and asked to keep things quiet. The matter was provisionally settled.

That incident reached Tsuneko Tachibana's ears the following evening. She had left the tea party early, so she hadn't known about it at the time. Something having occurred to her, she phoned the Itakura residence to further confirm the details. After finishing dinner while deep in thought but finding herself unable to settle down, she drove to visit Keiko Mieko.

Until Mieko came out, Tsuneko paced around the reception room. She remained standing and grabbed Mieko by the arm. “Oh, you knew?” “What seems to be the matter, Auntie?” Mieko welcomed her cheerfully and invited her to the sofa in the corner. Tsuneko suddenly felt dejected and gazed intently at Mieko’s face. After much hesitation, she finally managed to speak. “Yesterday, on the day of Mr. Itakura’s tea party—did you know Mr. Hoshiyama was attacked by someone on his way there?”

“Oh, is that what you’re referring to, Auntie?” “I am aware.”

“In that case, you might have at least telephoned me.” “But it’s such an insignificant matter.” “No—my concern isn’t about Mr. Hoshiyama.” “What troubles me is who attacked him and why—that’s what compelled me to come here like this.” “Given our particular entanglement with Mr. Hoshiyama—” “If we should prove connected to his assailant too, what then?” “This won’t dissolve into mere rumors as before.” “They say someone from the police has already come inquiring.”

“You’re concerning yourself with such matters.” “In that case, Auntie, I have something to show you.” Mieko stood up, left, and shortly returned with an envelope.

On the envelope was written only, “Ms. Keiko Mieko, Must Be Opened by Addressee Personally.” “It was in our mailbox this afternoon.” “It seems the person themselves came and threw it in.” Tsuneko opened the envelope. On cheap paper, meticulous small characters were written in neat rows. I have come to the point where I must bid you farewell. I will withdraw to the countryside. In the name of love, please forgive everything. After hearing the detailed account, I came to hate H. Since I had known H from before regarding the school building expansion, my hatred for him only deepened all the more. You dismissed it with a laugh, but the tarnishing of your reputation in society through rumors and other means, as well as through Mrs. S’s mediation—all of it stems from H.

Where did your true intent lie when you struck my cheek? I take it as an opportunity for your own self-liberation. But that alone wasn't all—revenge against H, or rather revenge against men in general, must have been intertwined as well.

I knew that you would be attending the Itakura family’s chrysanthemum viewing party. It was nothing significant. However, I happened to learn that H would also be attending and became indignant. The presence of H near you is a defilement. Moreover, I cannot deny that feelings of jealousy and resentment also existed within me. I wandered near the Itakura residence almost unconsciously. I grew irritated with myself for being unable to go inside. At that moment, I saw H emerging from the Itakura residence. His drunken gait further enraged me.

I chased after him, stopped him at the cliff, carelessly let your name slip out, and struck his cheek. Mentioning your name was entirely careless, but I remained calm. There was also a feeling of revenge on your behalf. He resisted me, and we grappled. For a moment, a murderous intent arose within me. This is a serious matter. Fortunately, however, he fell from the cliff and plunged into the mud pool below. If he had not been drunk—given his large, obese frame and strength—I would have been strangled to death or thrown into the mud pool instead.

H knows me. This concerns the school building expansion. From H's perspective, he will not leave matters as they stand. He will undoubtedly exact some underhanded retaliation. Should that occur, your name might naturally surface as well. I fear nothing more than implicating you.

I have received no small debt of gratitude from your household. Yet with what have I repaid you? I even considered suicide. However, that might rather lead to worse consequences. I was always assailed by terror, sorrow, and exultation. I feared a love that was never meant to be. Even considering my status, position, and circumstances, I grieved that I would eventually have to bid you farewell. Yet beyond all those things, immersing myself in your affection was a heavenly joy. How I must have wept and screamed alone in the dead of night.

But now, everything has come to an end. Reality is harsh. I will withdraw. For those who love, their lover must be sacred and pure. To me, you are sacred and pure. If even a single stain were to attach to it because of me, I would be unable to endure it. Could you possibly believe that the sacred and pure you will remain forever in the depths of my heart? I am now filled with gratitude and love for you. At the same time, I am filled with hatred for the world.

I intend to return to my hometown and confess everything to my wife. My wife will understand. Tomorrow morning, I will submit my resignation letter to the school. Then I will place this letter in your residence's mailbox. I lack the courage to meet you directly. Please convey my respects to Master Tetsuo. The letter bore only the initials M·A.

Tsuneko let out a deep sigh.

“You know, Auntie, it reads almost like a legal or philosophical text.”

Tsuneko jumped up and grabbed Mieko’s hand.

“Is this true?” “Well, since he himself wrote it, probably…”

“You can’t possibly be serious,” “How can you stay so utterly unshaken?” “But there’s simply no alternative,” “And besides—it’s already been settled.” “Settled? This only happened yesterday!” “What if it gets misprinted in the papers? What then?” “If worst comes to worst, I could pull strings to smother it, but…”

“It’s alright, Auntie.” “Between yesterday and today, it’s already been settled, you know.” “And soon now, it will be tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow… do you plan to start something again?”

“No.” Mieko smiled faintly. “I won’t trouble you with any more worries, Auntie.” “Ah, I’ve grown utterly bewildered…” “I shall consider it more thoroughly.” “You must reflect on this too.” “Do come to my home tomorrow.” “I will visit as asked, Auntie—but truly, all is well.”

Tsuneko still seemed restless for some reason. She thrust the letter left on the table into Mieko’s bosom, took a sip of chilled tea, and immediately stood up.

Outside, a car was waiting.

“Good day.” After seeing off the car, Mieko entered the house wearing an ironic smile that floated across her cheeks. Following that, the maid closed the entrance door.