Pathway to Japanese Literature

1

It was a starry late-night hour; beneath the slumbering plane trees along the boulevard, a streetlamp now thoroughly drenched trickled beautiful droplets into its glass box—when Dr.Niji, his silk hat tilted back like a Buddhist statue’s halo and clinging to my arm as he staggered with a crab-like gait, suddenly made a terrifying face and shoved me away brutally.

“Go home already!”

“But Professor, you can’t even walk properly—”

“If you don’t leave, I’ll fail you!”

“That’s outrageous!”

“You—”

Dr.Niji suddenly thwacked and kicked my kneecap.
At that very moment—rather than me—it was Dr.Niji who tumbled backward into a handstand, knocking his silk hat onto the cobblestones. Yet even as he crouched on all fours to retrieve it, he peered sharply through his legs for an opening in my guard—and wham!
The instant he placed the hat on his head and stood up—wham!—he kicked my shin once more,
sending me flying.
“Oww! That hurts!”
“Hah! Serves you right!” With that dismissive remark, Dr.Niji gradually disappeared into the depths of darkness, his shadow figure staggering and lurching as he went.
There I too held my breath and began trailing him, weaving through shadows cast by dense plane tree thickets… but before he had walked even two blocks, at the intersection leading to the mansion district’s quiet streets, he suddenly ducked out of sight—stealthily thrusting only his head from behind a wall to peer back suspiciously—then instantly spotted me and began blindly hurling whatever stones lay at hand toward me.

“WAWAWAAAH! You truly are a detestable demon…”

Having thus discarded his anger-fueled muttering, Dr.Niji emerged from behind the wall, swinging his clenched fists with fighting spirit—when suddenly BRRN! With a dull insect-wing hum lingering in the night sky—drawing a single white vacuum line across the sleeping streets—he lunged at my collar before I could react. Being a remarkably small-statured man, Dr.Niji wrapped his left arm around my neck and entwined both legs about my thighs, assuming the exact posture of a cicada clinging to a tree trunk—then with his right hand seized the tip of my nose and began twisting and wrenching it with every ounce of his strength.

Wham! With a battle cry, Dr.Niji finally twisted me down onto the road, crunching me underfoot right there on the spot, then—in fine spirits—deeply readjusted his silk hat tilted back like a Buddhist statue’s halo and struck a pose with a “Hmph!”

“What a suspicious wretch you are!”
“What a loathsome creature you are, Ango Sakaguchi!”
“Taking all into account—are you some pale fairy wandering the subterranean depths? An imp’s incarnation perhaps?”
“Well now—what a troublesome monster you are!”

Thud! After kicking my potbelly with satisfying force, Dr.Niji tottered off to the other side of the plane trees and disappeared.
I collapsed flat on the utterly deserted tree-lined path and for a while gazed up at the chilly, beautiful starry sky, but once the pain had subsided and I could move again, I stubbornly steeled my resolve and staggered off toward Dr.Niji’s residence, weaving through the darkness of the plane trees—

It was because I had sensed there would be some interesting incident.
That he’d worked himself into such a violent rage was indeed suspicious.
...Lately, Dr.Niji had begun hating me in an odd manner.
The moment he caught sight of my face, he would suddenly roll his eyes wide, instantly assume a boxing stance brimming with combativeness, and growl, “You wretched villain!”
“You pale specter who shatters peaceful gatherings!”
“Or perhaps a botched Mephistopheles!”—The sheer ferocity of it made even me flinch slightly, and just as I tried to muster some form of protest—“You—” the professor suddenly went BRRN!
...carving a vacuum trail through the air before entwining around my chest and grindingly twisting my nose upward.
Moreover, nothing proved more miserable than attending Dr.Niji’s classes at school.
Being the sole student in this class meant I had no choice but to slump dejectedly in the front-row center—though Dr.Niji, despite his dwarfish frame that seemed perpetually on the verge of vanishing behind the lectern, would cross his arms with absurd haughtiness and glare at me with truly venomous intensity while sneering, “Only complete dullards attend school,” or “Clever students wander town to town without darkening classroom doors.”
All while employing every conceivable form of intimidation.

“Ango Sakaguchi is going to fail, I tell you!”
“I’ll stake my resignation on it and argue my case at the faculty meeting, I tell you!”
“I’ve definitely decided to fail you, I tell you! You’ll be a student for life, I say!”

“Th-that’s downright tyrannical!”

“You—”

Suddenly BRRRN!
With a whoosh ripping through the air, a desk came flying at my head!
A chair came falling from the right!
From the left came a shoe!
A book!
A bucket!
The electric light shattered into smithereens!
The blackboard—a fortunate turn for me, but being too heavy—finally pinned Dr.Niji beneath it as he flailed about, frothing at the mouth and growling, “If y-you don’t help... Ango... f-f-f-fail... I’ll fail you!” Amidst the chaos, I kicked through the window and fled at full speed.—Such scenes had become our daily routine.

This inexplicable hatred must conceal some hidden mystery.
I had mostly pieced it together—in short, Dr.Niji had recently gotten married.
It hadn’t even been half a year since the wedding—and given that his bride was a stunning twenty-year-old beauty—it seemed that every night he staggered home late and drunk, only to be harshly scolded by his wife…

Gentlemen, are you familiar with *The Murders in the Rue Morgue*?
That too was a night glittering with stars yet thick with dread when from an upstairs room—its window still aglow with light—in a wholly deserted section of Rue Morgue, a shrill scream suddenly erupted.
After a while came another scream from that room where silence had fallen—unidentifiable as any known language—but then it all hushed once more, reverting completely to nocturnal stillness.
An orangutan had brutally murdered two women with ferocious strength.
However—there was a suspicious-looking man who had climbed a gas lamp post and hidden among plane tree thickets to witness this cruel outcome through the window in its entirety.
That man was this orangutan’s owner—and moreover, even if that had been me, it would have made no difference at all.
For at Dr.Niji’s residence, *The Murders in the Rue Morgue* were being reenacted in every sense.

There were “screams of unidentifiable origin,” “sounds of furniture being violently scattered,” “the clashing of flesh against objects”—and these were unmistakably the sounds of one person overpowering another, or to phrase it more precisely, the sounds of one person being overpowered by another.
And yet—what an interminable, chaotic murder incident this was!
Even I had grown utterly bored, and when I averted my eyes from the brightly clamorous second-floor window—half stifling a yawn—the terrifyingly radiant star-eyes upon the roof glared piercingly at me.
Then—Bang!
Suddenly, the window exploded all at once—Whoosh!
With that whoosh, a black mass came flying out from inside the room.
Appearing as an utterly deflated, shapeless lump, it traced what seemed an ostentatiously nonchalant parabola through the air—only to stick fast with a thud upon hitting the desolate road, ceasing all movement.
I braced myself, expecting it to stir any moment, but only the plane tree branches overhead rustled faintly as they swayed.
Busily crossing my arms, I looked up at the glittering sky, pretending to count countless beautiful stars while desperately trying to marshal my whirling thoughts—but when I crept closer and peered down, it turned out to be Dr. Niji.

“P-P-Professor! Pull yourself together!”
“Pull yourself together!”

“Zzzz...”

“P-P-Professor! Pull yourself together!”

“Zzzz... Urgh, you bastard!”

When he opened his eyes wide and recognized my face, Dr.Niji immediately sprang to his feet with fists raised high in combative fervor—but staggering, he futilely kicked at the air, spun around three times in empty rotation, then stretched out rigidly once more.
However, even after collapsing, Dr.Niji maintained his boxing stance at the chest, displayed a surging fighting spirit, and noisily frothed at the mouth.

“Y-You pale specter who seduced me, I tell you!”
“A-Ango’s here, I tell you!”
“Beloved Mimiko—oo.”
“Kill this guy for me, oo—!”

“Raaah!”

I was so startled that I leapt three meters into the air.—

From the shattered second-floor window emerged a young beauty—pistol in hand, half her body leaning out—and with the decisiveness of a hero transcending all thought, she aimed at me without a moment’s hesitation—
—because she took aim—

“H-help me!”
“Waah!—”

I suddenly leapt over a single plane tree with a burst and appeared at the center of the road, then fled in a straight line.
Bang!
Bang!
A shaft of air whooshed—
—rushed fiercely past my ear and streaked forward.
And then, biting my lip as though devouring it, as I raced down the drowsy street at full speed, far ahead along the tree-lined avenue, meteors like fireworks showered down incessantly.

2

Regarding the marriage between Mrs. Mimi—a woman of inherently combative disposition—and Dr. Niji, all responsibility lay with the Doctor; there was no reason for me to be hated.
As for being labeled “the pale specter who seduced the Doctor and shattered peaceful harmony”—while I couldn’t claim total ignorance of what might have prompted this—by impartial judgment, it all stemmed from my singularly rare “good intentions,” amounting to nothing more than standing in the position of a physician who had accidentally mixed poison.

To lament my wretched fate, I shall disclose the full details of the circumstances.

I was tormented at that time by a highly malignant neurasthenia accompanied by savage insomnia.
To make matters worse, various "misfortunes" came swarming toward me as if they had marked me alone as their victim.
Being hit by automobiles and smashing my head against cobblestones, or having river widths suddenly stretch by about a meter mid-leap to send me somersaulting into the water... These malicious "misfortunes" drifted about me like some sinister miasmic haze, watching for my weaknesses while gleefully dancing before my eyes or yawning ostentatiously—all rendered perfectly visible by tricks of the light.
To avoid giving them any opening to exploit, I strictly confined myself to a single room, stopped attending school altogether, and for about two months at that time, stubbornly refused to go out.

However, at my school—since my class had fewer than ten students, likely because of that—they had failed to account for diligent students in their numbers.
The class consisted entirely of fellows who obstinately detested attending school with uniform rigidity.
Thereupon one day, the dean summoned the class committee and sternly rebuked them: "If you all skip classes in such unified fashion, the teachers will make terribly ashamed expressions when receiving their monthly salaries.
Against such spiritual crimes, you—as educated university students—must remain acutely sensitive.
Ensure that one person from each lecture attends without exception from now on," he solemnly decreed.
We promptly held an emergency class meeting and resolved to assign each person's duties by drawing lots.
In the end, the lecture that saw its responsibility settled upon me was Dr. Niji's "Greek Philosophy History."

While I was tormented by my unfortunate illness, on one splendid afternoon, the class representative entered my room with a pale, fearsome expression, arms tightly crossed.
He remained silent for a long time, staring fixedly at me, and chewed noisily on sweets in an evidently resentful manner—

“This is the pinnacle of righteous indignation!” he suddenly cried out vehemently.

“W-W-Who was assassinated?!”
“And what young lady from where made you suffer such heartbreak this time?!”

“The office is furious over your recent absences!”
“They keep hounding me to take your place—it’s unbearable!”

“Ugh, I sympathize deeply, but given how utterly tormented I am right now, please grant me a little more mercy—”

“Don’t you know the story of Socrates?!
“Surely you wouldn’t claim ignorance of Lieutenant Colonel Hirose’s heroic tale either!”
“Did they not sacrifice their very lives for the sake of the nation?”
“That’s precisely why they’ve been immortalized as bronze statues.”
“There exists no law permitting your absence from class—”

“Mmmph…”

And so, being unfamiliar with lofty philosophy, I was always defeated in these debates.

The next day, I steeled myself with tragic resolve and staked my life to attend Dr. Niji’s lecture.
If that had not even been the communist standard, I would undoubtedly have marched with a red danger signal flag held aloft to make my presence known to the one-yen taxi drivers.

After waiting utterly alone in the desolately empty, stiffly formal classroom, once the commencement bell had finished ringing and the surroundings fell dead silent, suddenly clamorous footsteps came barreling down the corridor toward the classroom door.
Just as I thought he’d charged at the door, he abruptly began frantically turning the handle with a clank—I expected someone to come bursting in like a gust of wind—but no—before even half his face could appear in the classroom, he suddenly slammed the door shut again and started racing back down the corridor he’d just come from at full speed.
After retreating a good distance down the corridor, he seemed to realize—“Ah, someone might be in the classroom after all—” for the clatter of footsteps halted abruptly, and then this time, there was a sense of him creeping back with catlike stealth, muffling his footfalls.
Before long, the handle turned with a quiet click, and twitching eyes began peering timidly inside—but upon clearly recognizing me, he made a puzzled face and, while pondering, began inching his body through the door’s gap until finally he stood fully revealed within the classroom.
Needless to say, he was Dr.Niji.
Dr.Niji pondered with a puzzled expression while shaking his head repeatedly, somehow managed to reach the lectern’s chair and sat down there, but kept observing me from various angles and let out a troubled sigh.
Then, just as he seemed to gradually regain his senses, this time he suddenly puffed out his chest with absurd grandeur and—grr!—
—grr!— and glared at me.

“Why have you taken such a prolonged absence!”

“The truth is, I was tormented by an overwhelming case of neurasthenia and driven to despair, so I…”

When I let out a pained sigh, Dr. Niji seemed to begin scrutinizing my haggard, pallid face anew from the perspective of neurasthenia—after a moment, he emitted a groan like that of a strangled chicken.

“Tsk tsk tsk, that ain’t good at all!”

Dr. Niji fixed his ashen face toward me and made an intimate expression, so full of sympathy that tears seemed about to spill forth.
And had Dr. Niji’s words been uttered even ten seconds later, I would have mistaken him for having gone mad and, out of terror, suddenly kicked through the window to flee at full speed without a doubt.

“I’ve been suffering from neurasthenia for a long time now, I tell ya!”

“Ah… Ah…”
“S-So that’s how it was—”

“Can you even get any sleep, eh?”

“No good!
“Ah, no good! No good!”
“It’s absolutely wretched.”
“Every single night is nothing but these sodden white nights!”
“Ah!”

“I-I-I’m miserable too—uuh, sh-sh-shivering—I-I-I’m having white nights too, I tell ya!”

Dr. Niji was nearly on the verge of fainting from overwhelming grief.
As he began coughing violently, pounding his chest and writhing in agony, I rushed to tend to him—whereupon Dr. Niji developed convulsions in his chest and stomped grotesquely, yet through the movements of his eyeballs and gestures of his hands, he began spinning busily once more to subtly express his gratitude toward me. Thus, Dr. Niji and I seemed to have abruptly reached the pinnacle of friendship.
We exchanged frank opinions about our respective dispositions, lamented sorrowfully together, and consoled one another.
And when I recounted in detail the origins of my hardships concerning the sinister miasma that had settled around my person, Dr. Niji, in turn, stated that he had recently married an admirable beauty—but since this young woman remained very much a girl who knew only how to fervently caress him yet lacked any understanding of neurasthenia, his own condition would likely never heal, he lamented with a troubled sigh—yet then suddenly let slip a deeply satisfied smile, nodding repeatedly with smug comprehension all the while.
And then, at that moment—I gasped!
And from the bottom of my heart, I thought the professor was a pitiful man—having realized that to make this person happy, I would not even mind deepening my own neurasthenia further—I began earnestly devising a plan, gnawing intently on one finger while heaving a thick sigh.
And then—

It was then that I suddenly recalled—vividly—that forest tavern—

At the entrance to that vast and nearly boundless forest stood a solitary tavern.
The forest entrance itself was an expansive, gently sloping grassland where no trace of human habitation could be seen in any direction. Yet when the great setting sun sank into the forest depths and vast night crept up from the eastern plains, peculiar figures would suddenly appear as if drifting in from nowhere, converging upon the forest tavern.
No sooner would you spy a third-rate poet pretentiously puffing cigarettes while deep in thought than—before your very eyes—white smoke would come billowing from both his ears as he plunged into storm-like, violent contemplation!
Among all the regulars, not a single soul could be considered ordinary in form or bearing.
I too had once been an established patron of this tavern, but since falling prey to neurasthenia—likely from exposure to the miasma these characters brewed within those walls—I’d sworn off drink entirely and stopped venturing into the forest. Upon reflection, I’d carelessly forgotten that all things contain a precious “reverse” worth cherishing.
Especially for an elusive affliction like mysterious-and-unfathomable neurasthenia—isn’t this reverse precisely the sole method one must try above all else—

To the forest tavern!
That's it!
To the forest tavern!

I grew so excited I was nearly moved to tears, and while noisily grasping Dr. Niji’s hand with fervor, I explained the fresh images that had flickered into my mind.
And then we became so ecstatic—as though we had already conquered the disease—that off we went to that vast, desolate forest tavern!
We marched while singing hymns at the top of our lungs.—From that day forth, day was day and night was night—Dr. Niji became a venerable servant of Bacchus, spending every waking hour wallowing in drunken stupor at the forest tavern, never sobering up before dawn broke.

O beloved forest maiden Clara!

In accordance with this “forest tavern’s” merry custom, Dr. Niji too would fill a great pot with water, add a generous amount of Kümmel to create a mysteriously bluish-white liquid, and—while extolling the youth of Clara the tavern girl—no sooner gulp it down as though devouring his own soul than he would experience a slight spatial disorientation and, without a moment’s hesitation, drench his entire body.
“Ugh, brr-brr-brr…” Moaning, Dr. Niji immediately attempted to expel the liquids that had sloshed across his back and abdomen through his signature method—a handstand—but they had already soaked in so deeply that he couldn’t dislodge them—Gah!
With a shout, he began thrashing about wildly, only to ultimately exhaust his strength and collapse limply where he stood, convulsing violently.
Clara picked up the doctor and kindly wiped his wet face,

“Doctor, you mustn’t drink another drop today—come now, let’s make a promise. You’re not some hopeless drunkard like a third-rate poet or failing student, are you…?”

“I-I’m a hopeless drunkard beyond help, I tell ya!”

Dr. Niji suddenly stood up from Clara’s lap, dashed out, and—clutching an absinthe bottle—abruptly went pop! He was hurriedly trying to pull out the cork.

“Stop that! That’s exactly how you’ll end up paralyzed.”
“Mrs. Niji will scold you!”

“Uuugh, ain’t true!”
“That’s a lie, I tell ya!”

Dr. Niji shrank back in bashful shame, stammering out excuses—then shot me a sidelong glance that emphasized a terrifying hatred, as though he were praying for my very annihilation.
Thus, Dr. Niji began to intensely hate me.

3

In the forest tavern, during that strangely listless and sluggish moment when late night shifted into dawn—though it was a daily occurrence—a climax would arise: a whirlwind-like frenzy that marked the utmost zenith of all joys, all sorrows, all laments, and all sufferings.
When the day’s intoxication—whipped up into a storm by dubious means—drifted through the room’s corners like a hazy mist, and a strange festering of immense expanse began pricking at drunken, addled heads, then, without anyone in particular—suddenly, someone would be the first to stand up.
And then—

“O star of stars, tree of trees, sky of skies, Clara—maiden among maidens! For my soul to be offered at your lovely feet, how purely have I prepared this very day!…”

He reverently finished muttering his nonsensical words, then abruptly thrust his hand into his own heart in an attempt to seize his soul. And then—the soul was gone! He began frantically searching his belly, but as his irritation deepened into utter disarray—pulling at his own ears, sticking out his tongue to pinch it, rifling through pockets, yanking off shoes to shake them—he lost all sense of direction and let out a wail—gasping in dismay—until finally, with a ferocious burst, he began dashing madly about the room, clawing violently at the air to seize his soul from the void.

“M-My soul is gone—ah!”
“S-Search for my soul!”
“Waaah… I’m so sad…”

“H-Here… I’ll lend you my soul, so don’t worry!”

A man who could no longer bear to watch suddenly rose with a wild look in his eyes, thrust his hand into his heart—but found nothing there—he began frantically turning out his pockets and pinching his tongue until—Gah!—
and flew into a rage, leaping at the air.

“M-My soul is gone—ah!”

“Don’t worry!”
“H-Here… I’ll lend you mine!”

“H-Here… I’ll lend you my soul!”

“H-Here… I’ll lend you mine…”

“H-Here… I’ll lend you mine…”

Thus, all the drunkards in the room overturned tables in unison, trampled chairs, stampeded in every direction as they surged up, and raced about chasing the air with eyes gleaming.
The tavern owner, who until then had been staggering about having failed to stop them, also let out a “Gah!”
Realizing this, he immediately tore off his coat—

“D-Don’t worry! H-Here’s my soul!…”
“How strange—old man’s soul…”

“Y-You idiot! Don’t talk nonsense!”

Gah!
He searched his heart, but it too was nowhere to be found—in his panic, rifling through his pants pockets and shaking his shoes, he too lost all sense of direction and—Gah!
and in a frenzy, he leapt into the air.
Finally, the lone bartender left behind—

“Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Wait! Please wait!”
“The house will collapse!”
“It’s terrible! It’s terrible!”
“I-I’ll make a s-soul, s-so w-wait, I-I’m beggin’ ya!…”

While wailing and sobbed, he suddenly plunged his entire body into a cocktail shaker, poured cognac and gin into it, added a tint of Chartreuse, and began spinning round and round.
Clatter-clatter-clatter—arranging glasses, he leapt in with his entire body,

“I-I-It’s done!—”

“Gah!”

The crowd of drunkards stormed forward like a hurricane, gulping down [the concoction] in great draughts before collapsing on the spot in a swoon—utterly motionless.
And around that time, the night was beginning to whiten softly at the treetops of the forest.
Ever since Dr. Niji became a regular here, the speed of this rotation is said to have grown even more dizzying.

However, it was on one such day.

That night, I was the very first to stand up and attempt to offer my soul to Clara.

“O star of stars, tree of trees, sky of skies!”

“Stop it! And someone like you should just disappear into the depths of the forest! I don’t want the soul of some twisted person like you anyway…”

“Wh-why?”

“Aren’t you the one constantly tormenting poor Dr.Niji?!”
“Look!”
“Dr.Niji’s body is covered in wounds!”
“Poor, pitiful Dr.Niji!”
“How he must be suffering!”
“Hey, everyone.”
“That’s all Ango’s fault—”

“Y-you’re lying!”
“That’s because Dr.Niji’s wife is a bit too rough with her fists, I tell you!”
“I-I’ve got nothing to do with that, I tell you!”

“Be quiet! It’s your fault for not protecting the Doctor! Since you’ll likely fail from slacking off, you’re trying to sweet-talk his wife into doctoring your report card grades, aren’t you?”

“Th-that’s a lie!”
“I may not look like it, but I’m the genius among geniuses—”

“Y-you liar!”

Suddenly, wham! A small black mass entangled itself around me, and before I knew it, had grasped my nose and began twisting it viciously.
It was Dr. Niji! After throwing me down with a thud right there, the doctor began stomping and crushing indiscriminately.
“Bravo! Bravo! Get Ango!…”

What a situation.

The group of drunkards suddenly began hating me and stood up—some poured liquor over my head while others curiously pinched my nose or kicked me down.
I thrashed about in desperate fury until finally—heave!—
When I managed to stand up, Dr. Niji was flung violently by the momentum and cracked his skull hard against the wall.
As he staggered and collapsed, Clara came flying over to scoop him up,

“Pull yourself together!”
“Doctor, oh Doctor!”
“There, there, Doctor. You should definitely get your revenge.”
“Flunk Ango already.”
“Hey, hey, hey…”

“That’s right, that’s right, absolutely!”
“Flunk that bastard!”

“D-damn you!”
“I get it now!”
“You’re all utterly contemptible cowards! In other words, since you’re all bullied by your wives daily, you’re unfairly sympathizing with the Doctor and directing your hatred solely at me—no doubt about it!”
“You all mean to vent your vile resentment through me—me, who’s done nothing worth blaming!”
“And through your wretched satisfaction, you’re pushing this poor neurasthenic’s fate into even more hopeless torment!”
“As for that two-bit thug of a girl Clara—her hatred stems from nothing but sentimental hysterics! That mindless conformity of hers—I could loathe it eternally and still not be sated!”

“Shut up shut up shut up—”

**Wham!**
Suddenly, the air tore into shreds as countless liquor bottles came raining down toward me.
Utterly bewildered, I huddled in a corner clutching my head when—with thunderous footsteps—a mob of drunkards surged forward, instantly surrounding me and kicking me so violently I might have been pounded into the wall itself.
By the time they’d finished flattening me like a pressed flower and retreated to their chairs, Dr. Niji finally regained consciousness.
And when he realized his own blissful figure—cradled against Clara’s chest while receiving her tender care—the Doctor was immediately overcome with emotion. In his excitement, he staggered upright as though about to faint again from dizziness, but upon barely steadying himself—

“C-Clara! O-oh, stars among stars—meteors—forest trees—trees—trees—uugh—s-soul—soulsoulsoul—o-oh the pr-prepared—s-soul… I tell you!”

“Oh, how wonderful!”
“You have no idea how long I’ve yearned to receive your noble soul!”
“Could there truly have been such a joyous day in my memories, I wonder…”

“St-st-stuttering… s-soul…”

Dr. Niji foamed at the mouth, rolled his eyes wildly, tore off his coat, and frantically searched every inch of his body—even twisting his head into his pocket while flailing his legs about.

“St-st-stuttering… my soul—it’s gone, I tell you!”
“St-st-stuttering… s-soul—I tell you! St-st-stuttering… soul…”

And Dr. Niji, swinging his clenched fists wildly while nodding vigorously in frantic agreement, began somersaulting through the air—but as his speed rapidly intensified, he soon produced a fearsome roar and sent violent gusts whipping through every corner of the room, until he was spinning with such blinding velocity that he became indistinguishable from a propeller.

“Oooh, I’ll lend you my soul!”

So overwhelmed were they by the frenzy that until this moment, the group of drunkards—who had been silently spectating, unable to interject a single word—suddenly surged up all at once. “St-st-stuttering… soul…!” they shrieked in unison, caught up in Dr. Niji’s turbulence until they too began spinning like propellers. Through the transparent whirl of these countless-eyed yet unseen drunkards, Clara and I could glare at each other with perfect clarity—but then a sudden rush of anger and despair blurred my vision. In an instant, I swung up my beer mug and—Wham!
With a spirited shout, I doused Clara’s head with a full mug of water in one vivid motion.
And as Clara, frustratedly thrusting out her fist with a cry of “Coward—”, was about to lunge at me, I instantly kicked down the door and rolled out into the dark outdoors,

Oh—I’ve been heartbroken!

Oh—my sorrow would turn even the sun black and cold!

Oh—I might commit suicide!
Oh—help me!
Please!

As I ran like a bullet through the vast grassland at the forest entrance, screaming at the top of my lungs with sorrowful cries, a portion of the eastern sky far ahead suddenly grew hazy and pale.

4

And then exactly five days had passed.

Those five days found me tossing restlessly while buried in bed, ceaselessly opening and closing only my eyelids without distinction of night or day—when suddenly someone began vigorously twisting my nose upward. Certain beyond doubt that Dr.Niji had come to attack me, I resignedly opened my eyes only to find an unexpected young beauty—pistol thrust forward—glaring sharply at me. In my panic, I abruptly leapt to my feet and—while floundering in disarray—looked frantically left and right, only to find an absurdly clear blue sky blazing above.

“Return my husband!”

“D-Dr. Niji?”
“I-I never seduced him... That is—I mean—it was just a medical doctor who happened to mix poison—”

“If you make excuses, I’ll shoot.”
“Go retrieve the Doctor immediately!”

“However, since I had a fight with the tavern girl, I’m rather reluctant to go back there for some reason.”
“Moreover, it’s utterly pointless in the first place.”
“At present, the Doctor is completely wasted—O starlit Clara…”

“That’s not true!”

“No, that’s exactly right!
“First of all—”

“No, that’s not true!”

“No, that’s exactly right!
“First of all—Mrs., you’re certainly very beautiful—but when it comes to Clara at the tavern, she’s so—Whoa!
“Oh crap!”

As I frantically covered my mouth and leapt up—Wham!—I burst out from the second-floor window.
In a single bound I cleared even the road’s plane trees, landing squarely in the center of the tree-lined avenue before breaking into a desperate sprint.
Bang!
Bang!
A rod of air instantly overtook me and raced straight ahead.

“H-help me!”
“Gasp gasp gasp…”

In an instant, I passed through the town and appeared like a spilled bean in the expansive grassland, then immediately pierced through it from east to west in a single line—even amidst such haste, I fleetingly glimpsed the immense azure sky stretching thin and flickering from the boundless forest to the grassland—

Finally reaching the tavern’s log cabin—Crash!
—I kicked through the door and—

"H-help me!"
"It’s bang bang bang!"
"Booze! Booze! Give me booze!"

From atop the cupboard built into the wall, I frantically grabbed a bottle that was clinging there, then poured all my strength into pulling out the cork and tried to wrench it into my mouth.
And then,

**Wham!**
A black mass suddenly latched onto my collar and viciously twisted my nose upward.
Exhausted and gasping violently, I instantly blocked my throat and—while gurgling—Thud!
—was knocked down and messily crushed.

“You again—dare show up?!”
“You wretched lout!”

Dr. Niji kicked me again and again, rolling me around until he finally bundled me into a ball in the corner of the room. Grinning smugly with satisfaction, he began heading back toward Clara—when suddenly

PAH!

No sooner had a single sharp scream been left behind than the Doctor’s figure—already tracing a distant parabola far across the grassland—pierced straight through the window and bathed in flickering, radiant light before being seen darting headlong away.
Everyone jolted and turned around to find a strikingly beautiful young woman standing slenderly at the entrance, glaring sternly inward—but no sooner had she fired a booming shot at the ceiling than she too darted off across the grassland in pursuit of the Doctor.

For a long time, they all stood with arms crossed, earnestly feigning contemplation of something—but when I stealthily stuck my head out the window to look, there on the vastly distant grassland appearing no larger than a bean, Dr.Niji—held fast by Mrs.Mimi—was being kicked, punched, and flung against the bare earth.

"Oh, what a dreadful state of affairs!"

That's right—if I don't save Dr. Niji here, my honor as a man will be ruined; more than honor—above all else—I'll lose face before Clara.
And if I could rescue Dr. Niji, Clara would surely respect me immensely—exclaiming, "My, what a chivalrous and agreeable young man you are!"—and without fail pin a crimson rose to my chest!
Thinking this, I suddenly grew dizzy with rage,

"Oh, my beloved poor Doctor!"

After shouting this while stumbling repeatedly, when I finally managed to reach the scene I'd been aiming for, Dr.Niji was still being hurled about like a spinning top and pummeled.
And this tense spectacle—unfolding upon a seemingly endless grassland bathed in soft,dazzling light—came to appear,the longer I watched,increasingly like a game brimming with joyous revelry.
I grew amused and delighted,clapping my hands while roaring with laughter as I watched—when—

That’s right—this might be my only chance to settle old scores—when suddenly my thoughts shifted, so I promptly joined forces with Mrs. Mimi, lunging at the Doctor to berate him, kick him, and throttle his neck vigorously.
Dr. Niji, thoroughly beaten down by the two of us, had lost even the will to scream; yet after barely shaking free from our grasp, he scrambled on all fours—curling up like a man possessed—and dashed headlong into the forest.

“Wait!”

Mrs. Mimi shouted sternly like that, but in truth it seemed merely for appearances—having vented all her inner frustrations—and she made no move to pursue him, instead staring fixedly at his retreating figure—when she suddenly noticed me and promptly drew a pistol from her obi and—Bang!

“Whoa! H-help me!”

I too left a white, sharp trail behind me and leapt headlong into the forest.

Having managed to stagger to the top of a small hill deep within the forest, I let out a huge sigh of relief and felt as though I had forgotten everything—whereupon the vast blue sky appeared indescribably quiet.
At that moment, after I let out a long yawn and abruptly noticed, right beneath my eyes at the base of a large pine tree, there was Dr.Niji—having vigorously shoved his head into the tree’s hollow and curled himself into a perfectly round, tiny ball—trembling violently.
When I saw that, I suddenly felt sad—struck by the thought that people tormented by love, and those burdened with incomprehensible suffering, lamentation, fear, and longing, were truly pitiable creatures—until somehow my eyelids grew fiercely wet, hot, and heavy beyond bearing,

“Professor!”
“You’re safe now!”
“Mrs. has already left.”
“And Professor, please forgive what happened earlier.”
“In the end, I just got caught up and made a commotion, but it’s not like I truly hated you—”

Dr.Niji suddenly raised his head and turned around, immediately assuming a boxing stance brimming with fighting spirit—Wham!
The moment he sliced through the air with a sharp vacuum line, he swiftly grabbed my collar and—gathering all his strength—viciously twisted my nose upward—Yah!
He wrestled me down onto the mountaintop, messily crushed me underfoot, kicked me over, and flattened me like scrap paper.
Then cheerfully gazing up at the blue sky, he gave my remains a disgusted kick as if they were filth—
And with a satisfying punt sent them flying,

“You’re a disgusting wretch!”—

Leaving behind a bitter mutter, Dr. Niji adjusted his attire once more, then triumphantly descended through the soundless midday forest—aiming for the foot of the hill, toward that log-cabin forest tavern.