Pathway to Japanese Literature

I

...Now that they had come this far, there was no longer any fear of being found. They had fled from all things. From all obstacles, from all oppression, from all pain. Thinking this, K gazed intently at their surroundings.

The swiftly flowing valley stream was the first to catch his eye. Though it wasn’t particularly remarkable, here and there were rocks where summer visitors wearing new wide-brimmed straw hats that glistened in the sun were fishing for sweetfish—this was what had been pointed out to him. On the temporary bridge leading from here to the town across, bicycles and vehicles passed now and then. K stared fixedly at a section of the valley stream where the water shattered like glass and flowed white, yet within himself he ceaselessly felt her presence with vivid intensity—the woman he had finally made his own—the woman he had dragged through storm-like turmoil to this place—her heart, her skin, her brows, her lips.

Ahh... Involuntarily muttering this, K let out a heavy sigh. There was nothing more to be done. They had to go as far as they could go. He recalled that again last night, their tears had soaked the bedding. He recalled that even to hold back those tears, the two had to embrace each other. It had come about as if of its own accord. Rather than having shaped it into this form, it was as if it had gradually taken on this form of its own accord. The result of being gradually pressed from both sides was that there had been no other choice but to end up this way. It was as if the two of them had passed through a narrow, narrow path and finally managed to come this far. And what lay beyond? What awaited?

"Death!"

K stared fixedly at it. He stared fixedly at the word. He felt as though he had touched cold ice or a sharp blade. In contrast to those inner visions, the surroundings were peaceful, carefree, and quiet. The water flowed swiftly, producing pleasant music. The mountains, here and there billowing white clouds, stretched continuously from this side to the other. Suddenly, he sensed light footsteps behind him. He sensed the rustling presence of a half-undone obi. He sensed her face—so pale it seemed more blue than white. Next, he sensed the faint breath of the woman drawing near quietly.

II

But they hadn't been tense all the time. Yesterday afternoon, the two of them sat there side by side on chairs, looking outside. It happened to be the Automobile Association's annual celebration or something of the sort, and many, many beautifully decorated cars passed before them. From time to time, somewhere came the sound of fireworks being launched.

“Where could it be? Who’s setting off those fireworks?”

"Well... Must be somewhere out back." "How lively..."

The woman said this, then immediately stood and walked down the long corridor toward its far end. The corridor's end was a window through which the rear area seemed fully visible in one sweeping view. Leaning her slim, graceful figure halfway against it, she stood gazing intently. After some time, she quietly turned back along the lengthy corridor toward this side "Come look—"

With that, she invited K. "There’s nothing really different here, is there?" "But various things have been built—like a stage." "They’ve even built a stage." "They built something like that?" "Apparently over there, the geishas of this town will perform Tokiwazu or Kiyomoto ballads." "They’re bringing in all sorts of things." "Oh." And then just like that, the two walked side by side down the long corridor to its far end. "Oh! So the stage really is completely built now, isn’t it?"

“Isn’t that right? It’s quite grand, don’t you think? Look—that automobile has brought all sorts of things.”

A single automobile that had barely managed to climb the uneven road unloaded there countless chairs, tables, stools, and such. “Are they making spectator seats?” “I guess so.” “They’ll do it tonight, won’t they?” “Seems that way.”

Beside the large tent, three or four geishas, splendidly dressed, stood clustered together.

Just then, a maid passed by, so K stopped her, "What an impressive festival this is, isn't it?" "Oh—" The maid too came to a halt there.

“Are they doing it tonight?” “That is likely the case.” “Shall I go take a look?” “Well, tonight’s event seems to be quite lively. I hear a geisha troupe from K Town will also be coming—” “Are those standing over there the local geishas?” The maid stared fixedly, but

“That is correct.” “That one standing over here is what they call Kimedono—the most celebrated here—”

………… A man in a happi coat was busily driving stakes and such.

No sooner had a sudden, earsplitting sound rent the air than a yellow willow-shaped firework burst open in the sky above. "So they're setting them off over there?" The woman abruptly walked away like this.

“Where?” “There—see? Over there? From where the mountain’s base slopes toward us—look—there’s a stretch following along the grass—don’t you see? That spot here?”

“Ah, I see—” Sure enough, a small tube stood there with five or six people clustered darkly around it. Another earsplitting sound tore through the air. This time the sky crackled like roasting beans, and from it floated out small red balloons—one, then two, then three. K and the woman stared transfixed at these drifting red spheres descending through the air. Yet this lasted only moments. When they walked back side by side along the long corridor toward their room, shadows from their darkened hearts had already filled their chests. The woman resumed her seat facing K as before, but they merely exchanged glances without uttering a word.

III

Even so, to think we actually came to a mountain hot spring like this! K thought. It was certain that no one would think to come searching all the way out here; moreover, even if they were to use the police’s power and search from place to place, while their reach might extend as far as the areas along that trunk-line railway, it was perfectly clear there was no danger of them coming this far. K went over again how he had come to T Station at the foot of the great mountain along that trunk line and there suddenly changed their plans to head this way. At that time, the train had stopped there for ten minutes.

Suddenly he said to her. "Let’s go to M Onsen!" she responded anxiously. "But do you really know that hot spring? If we go into some strange place, won’t that just cause trouble?" Having said this, she looked at his face. To die—any place would do. Just a day or two of quiet rest was all I wanted. I want... Yet without voicing this thought aloud，K simply boarded the small tram car waiting across from them.

The small tram car clattered along, violently shaking as it advanced—half through mountainous terrain clinging to slopes, half across sprawling open fields. They looked back wistfully at the trunk line they had left behind—the line they had traveled straight along for a full day and night without attracting a single bystander’s gaze. They were assailed by an indescribable loneliness. They surveyed their surroundings. The complete change of passengers in the tram car made them feel utterly desolate. Even if they weren’t exactly recognized as runaways, being scrutinized so intently—as though they were some different breed of people—still stirred a vague unease within them. Both K and the woman had tried to look only at fields and mountains beyond the window—to avoid meeting anyone’s gaze—and K repeated how they had come all the way to this small tram line’s terminal station. But fortunately, at that station’s entrance, a shuttle bus bound for M Onsen stood waiting properly for passengers, synchronized with train schedules.

And so K and the woman passed effortlessly through rural villages at times, across fields backed by great mountains at others, over bridges spanning murmuring ravines now and then—gradually making their way deeper into those mountains. They gazed endlessly at the winding stream to their right until finally reaching that place—that final land. The large bathhouse stood three stories tall, with everyone from the young madam to the managers gathered to courteously welcome them. Unaware they were harboring runaways— Unaware they were sheltering transgressors deserving every scourge— Unaware these two could bring unforeseeable calamity upon them— The maid first guided them to a spacious fifteen-tatami room on the third floor's right side. Yet that chamber proved far too expansive. Far too luminous. The broad corridors flanking both sides felt glaringly exposed.

“Wouldn’t something narrower be better? Wouldn’t a six- or eight-tatami room be better?” When K said this, the maid guided them without a word to the room at the far corner of the third floor where they now were.

After the maid had gone downstairs, the woman let out a deep sigh. "What's wrong?"

“……”

The woman let out another deep sigh without saying anything. In truth, they felt a pressing emotion they could not put into words. A feeling of not knowing what to do. The feeling that this place they had gone to such lengths to reach was nothing but pain and anguish. A feeling of—if it were possible—the two of them embracing each other to cry out loud as they wished. They had already imagined such a situation countless times over and over. "What would become of us if we found ourselves in such circumstances?" they had wondered countless times over and over. But when they had thought such things, vibrant fantasies resembling beautiful poetry would accompany those thoughts—even if sorrowful or bitter, there had always been some solace of beauty present, and they had believed it would fully console them. Yet now that they had actually come here, they felt it was all fantasy; instead of beauty’s solace, a cold blade-like sensation gathered crushingly to block their chests.

K looked around his surroundings. Having entry and exit on only one side was extremely convenient. Here, there would likely be no such suspicion. "Here, we could quietly settle down and face our fate..." he thought. "I'm sorry...to your wife and child"—this phrase had likely passed through the woman's lips countless times before—but never had it made her weep so violently as on that night. Tears and voice fell together. It could well be said that two souls were utterly drenched in tears. "Isn't this fine? Aren't we already bound together? Even I... I'm sorry to your husband... Truly sorry. So we're trying to atone for that sin with our fate. Let's stop thinking about such things now. From now on, let's at least become truly ourselves as two. Let's become just the two of us alone—with no one else around. Just the two of us— You are my O-Toku, I am your K... Right? Isn't this fine... hmm?" With these words, he embraced the woman. The woman sobbed.

The sound of that same valley stream’s current threaded through those tears and sobs.

IV

At dawn, K quietly rose and made his way down to the bathhouse.

The sound of the valley stream pierced sharply through the air, while the pale dawn light peered quietly through the window descending toward the second floor. The hallway's electric lamp glowed dimly. He felt that yielding to their fate might not prove so difficult after all. This whitish dawn air—this hushed atmosphere reminiscent of the afterlife—seemed to beckon him forward, making surrender appear not terribly sorrowful. That tear-drenched bed from last night, their desperately entwined bodies, the anguish of never truly merging into one—even this very sorrow made them feel they might effortlessly acquiesce to destiny's pull.

He quietly descended the stairs and, like a shadow, entered the bathtub that seemed deeply sunken into its base. There was no one there. It was as if he had come to the afterlife—there was no one.

Crystalline, pearl-like water was overflowing in abundance from the marble bath.

He sank motionlessly and deeply into it.

V The public bathhouse run in town was located across that bridge on the other side, then a short walk from town toward the mountains, but unlike what one typically saw at hot spring resorts, it was an exceedingly fashionably modern and new-style establishment. It appeared to have taken inspiration from bathhouses such as those in Germany’s Baden-Baden. K found himself and the woman there. It was around eleven o’clock in the morning on the day after they arrived there. They had come after asking the inn’s maid. He paid the set fee to the maid at the entrance to reserve exclusive use of the wet bath chamber, then spent the time until it was ready in the dry bath chamber on the second floor. There was a large ceramic cylinder from which dry radium emanation was released to be breathed directly into one’s hand. The two of them sat facing each other in chairs and remained utterly silent for some time. On the table was a potted Canna plant, its garish red color unpleasantly irritating their eyes.

In contrast to the woman’s stillness, K paced restlessly up and down as though his mind couldn’t settle. When he went to the window, he leaned against it as if contemplating a fatal fall, peering intently downward.

At that moment, the entrance maid came up and announced that the wet bath chamber was ready for exclusive use.

VI

In the faintly white air of that morning, K had felt that dying would not be difficult, but here he could immerse himself even more deeply in such sentiments. He felt a strange sensation. Was this the joy of this world? Was this the ordinary joy that people living in this world were constantly immersed in? He could not perceive it that way. It was precisely by facing their fate, by holding that sorrow, by being immersed in those tears, that they could savor such mysterious joy—a psychological state that could never arise under ordinary circumstances. Even so, what manner of existence was this? And what manner of embrace was this? The woman, as if truly embarrassed and struck by an unforeseen reality, did not respond to K’s suggestion to walk through town. Instead, she said, “Then I shall return ahead of you…,” opened her pale blue parasol, and hurried out along the narrow path toward the riverbank.

K, too, had no desire to walk through town alone; he started to go but stopped, and simply followed after the woman, heading out toward the river.

The midday July sunlight, nearing noon, glittered fiercely over everything—the river’s flow, the rocks, the houses, the shadows of passersby, the mountains visible in the distance—all appearing to glow with the intense brilliance of a pointillist painting. But when K saw the woman’s retreating figure walking across the bridge about eighteen meters ahead, he could not help feeling an attachment stronger than any he had ever known. That the woman had shown such attachment for his sake was something K found utterly inexpressible. He truly felt as though he had seen two souls become one and soar into the sky.

He carefully kept a measured distance so the woman wouldn’t notice him following behind. K walked slowly, his gaze fixed on her small white bare feet moving with surprising swiftness through the glittering light, the hem of her yukata tangling as she went.

K came to the middle of the bridge and abruptly halted. He faintly felt the vertigo that came with fatigue.

VII

That afternoon, K and his companions lay napping as though utterly exhausted. They were not lying side by side, but when the maid entered to retrieve the soiled tea utensils, she saw the woman in one corner and the man by the open window on the opposite side—both sound asleep, oblivious to everything, unaware that the western sun was drawing near. The woman lay sleeping with her pale face turned to the right, breathing peacefully, while the man slept with his mouth slackly open, oily sweat beading on his forehead, snoring as though utterly exhausted.

(How soundly they're sleeping—)

With this thought, the maid simply left the room.

After that, at least one or two hours passed. The western sun was already streaming in quite deeply. The sound of water could be heard, quietly and ceaselessly gurgling.

The other plump maid, as usual, came up there with light footsteps and lowered the sunshade with a clatter to block the western sun. As a result, the room grew somewhat dimmer, and the figures of the two sleepers became distinctly visible within it, casting shadows. When the plump maid came down, the other maid seized that moment,

“Were the third guests still sleeping?”

“Yes.” “Even when you went in, they didn’t notice?” “Huh?”

“What sound sleepers these guests are! Aren’t they both sleeping as if they were dead? It’s already four o’clock, you know. They must have been utterly exhausted, don’t you think?” “Oh, how awful—” The plump maid laughed strangely. “But isn’t that how it is? It’s unusual for them to be sleeping so soundly like that… Even if I went in, they wouldn’t even wake up… Ah, it’s so hot.” “That’s because you’re thinking about such things.” “During the day, they sleep like that, and then when night comes, they’re wide awake. Last night too, didn’t you say voices were clearly audible from over there?”

The plump maid said in a low voice, “They’re not married, are they?” “Do you think so?” “That’s exactly it… But if they were geishas, that’d be too plain—there’s definitely something else going on.”

“Do you think so?” “You must be careful with that sort of talk.” “Do you think so—”

It was another hour later that the two on the third floor awoke one after another from their deep slumber. K was the first to rise, as though he had been bewitched by a dream. Then the woman opened her eyes wide as though startled. In the quiet evening air, their sighs stood out distinctly.

VIII

“You shouldn’t say such things anymore. You shouldn’t think about it either.” “…………” In most cases, the woman remained silent. Instead, tears streamed from her eyes. K feared those tears. He feared those tears that seemed to voice every demand, that even seemed to bring death ever closer. They could no longer do anything. They silently leaned against the chairs in the corridor. They silently went to a corner of the room and sat down. Again, silently keeping a distance of a few yards, they strolled along the river’s edge.

They had already reached a point where, even if they wanted to part, they could no longer do so no matter how hard they tried. Even so, they could no longer put their deepest feelings into words to each other. Gradually, they could no longer bear remaining silent like this. They could no longer bear merely looking at each other’s faces. The man could no longer bear seeing the woman’s tear-streaked face, nor could the woman bear peering at the man’s sorrowful expression. They could no longer bear probing the dark depths of each other’s hearts. K stared vacantly at the distant mountains.

To distract themselves from the agony of their silence—the torment of two hearts that should have been one—they would find some pretext to cross that rickety bridge and go to the public bathhouse on the other side of the river. And there they paid the plump woman the fee to have the wet bath prepared. Gradually, her eyes too came to gaze intently in their direction. At times, they found there were even two or three other groups besides themselves requesting the preparation of that bathhouse. Such people would all go up to the second floor, where they would lean against chairs or cushions and wait for the preparations to be completed. There was indeed among them a beautiful woman of about twenty-five or six who appeared to be a geisha.

“You won’t find facilities like these in other hot springs.” “That’s true…” “They say this hot spring suddenly gained popularity because it has this.” “That must be it. And they say installing these facilities here cost quite a bit of money—” “So, does this radium actually work?”

From beside them, a young gentleman-like man said in Kansai dialect. “It works wonders, I tell you—” The woman in her thirties across the way said with a faint smile, half in jest. What carefree minds they had. What carefree chatter this was. There were those who lived like this. Those who lived for idle amusement. And what of them? What of them, who must die regardless? What of them, who could do nothing but obey such fate and wander thus?

What about them, who always come here thinking, “Today, today—”?

Earlier, before coming here, K had seen the woman take the razor out from her cloth bag. When he made a face that seemed to say, "What are you doing taking that along?" she explained it away by saying, "But my face has gotten dirty, you know," and he recalled how she had then put it into her cosmetic case. "That's right! There it is."

"Today—today—" K found himself in this intensely tense state of mind.

“It’s taking quite some time, isn’t it?” “Well, it’s a full house today, you know. There are three groups after all—”

The plump man said this and laughed heartily in a manner meant to show camaraderie to everyone. “That’s right… It might take a bit of time.”

The tall man in the back said. The woman from earlier also laughed.

There, a maid from the public bathhouse came to inform them that preparations were complete. The corridor—a long corridor reminiscent of courthouse corridors—came into view, extending lengthwise with doors on one side labeled Room 1, Room 2, and so forth. The bathhouse maid used a large key to unlock each room’s door and had the groups enter one by one. “This is first-rate—” Somewhere, such a voice could be heard. The maid’s laughter could also be heard.

The room that K and the others entered was once again their usual one. There was nothing different about it. In the space where one removed clothes stood a small clothes rack with a new hand towel hanging from it. On this low platform sat a mirror stand, beneath which lay a small box containing a comb and scissors. Thin lines of afternoon light streamed faintly through the high window.

Roar, roar, roar, roar—the sounds soon began thundering fiercely. The hot water had begun cascading down every inch of the plastered walls. Steam would soon fill that space entirely. White mist would envelop everything around them.

The sound of hot water cascading down that wall evoked, like music from another world, the wonder dwelling in their hearts. K and the others immersed themselves in that faintly white radium steam. They felt their fate drawing ever closer to them with crystalline clarity.