Pathway to Japanese Literature

It was when Kaneko, having received her year-end bonus, was about to leave the company.
After the male employees in high spirits ran noisily down from the company on the building's fourth floor, Kaneko changed into her coat with two female office worker colleagues and stepped out into the corridor.
Then, the sight of a lone male employee lingering in the corridor struck her as oddly suspicious at that moment.
Moreover, just as Kaneko came within two or three steps of the stairs, the employee dashed before her and suddenly slapped her left cheek.

Ah!
Kaneko staggered to the right while arching backward.
Both her colleagues Akiko and Isoko could only stare wide-eyed at the abrupt incident, their gazes fixed unwaveringly on the scene.
In an instant, the man flipped the hem of his coat before the women and ran down the stairs.

“Wait a moment, Mr. Dojima!”

Akiko remembered the man’s name and shouted down from above.
Driven by indignation at the man’s excessive violence toward a woman and a frantic sense that this incident had to be addressed, Akiko and Isoko briefly glanced toward Kaneko with concern; after confirming she remained standing—rigidly holding her slapped cheek rather than collapsing—they hurriedly chased after Dojima down the stairs.

However, when they saw Dojima had already slid down to the first-floor handrail far below and realized catching him was impossible, they returned to Kaneko while cursing agitatedly, “This is madness! This is madness!”

“Has he left?”
“Fine. When he comes tomorrow, I’ll have the Section Chief witness it too,… Then I certainly won’t forgive him.”

Kaneko, her left cheek slightly reddened and swollen, glistened with tears as her lips twitched resentfully, and she muttered.

“That’s good. You had no reason to suffer like this from Mr. Dojima anyway.”

When Isoko asked this, even Isoko herself must have thought she’d posed an improper question, for both Kaneko and Akiko glared at each other with such discomforting, probing expressions that their eyes gleamed.
Soon, Kaneko glared at Isoko.

“Of course there wasn’t.
But last week, the Section Chief told the male employees not to engage in unnecessary conversation, didn’t he?
That’s why I didn’t respond to that person’s words—that’s all.”

“Oh, I see.
Then you should really give him a good beating.
I’ll back you up too!”

Isoko strained as if to say she would compensate for her poor wording through her future attitude.

“If only the Section Chief were still at the company now… But he’d gone home past noon.”

Akiko now wanted the Section Chief to see Kaneko’s swollen left cheek just once.

“Then let’s leave it for tomorrow and go home today.”
“I’ll take a slight detour, but I’ll ride the same train as you, Ms. Kaneko.”

Since Akiko offered this, Kaneko had her—Akiko, who lived in Aoyama—make a detour via the Azabu area. However, the left side of her face that had been slapped had gone numb for a while, but upon boarding the train, it turned into a migraine, and as tears flowed incessantly from her eye, Kaneko couldn’t lift her face or speak to Akiko either.

The next morning, as Kaneko was eating breakfast, Akiko stopped by.
After briefly examining Kaneko’s face, she comforted, “Well, that’s a relief—it didn’t even leave a mark.”
But Kaneko remained dissatisfied.

"But you know, last night I couldn’t sleep a wink from the vexation and headache."

The two boarded the train.
Kaneko kept turning her face toward the window to distract herself, for whenever she imagined confronting Dojima in the section chief’s office and arguing with him that day, her body would begin to tremble.

Isoko was also waiting at the company for Kaneko to arrive.
She repeatedly went from their workplace, the sorting room, to the main office where the male employees were, to check if Dojima had arrived for work.

“It’s almost ten o’clock, and Dojima still hasn’t shown up.”

Isoko said impatiently to Kaneko, pursing her lips. When Akiko heard this,

“Since the Section Chief is here now, why don’t you talk to him regardless? If he goes out somewhere, it’ll be a problem.”

Akiko cautioned.
Kaneko tried to stay as calm as possible while considering her course of action based on their reports and advice, then resolutely entered the section chief’s office.
There, she was told something unexpected by the Section Chief.
It was that Dojima had sent his resignation notice by express mail during the night.
He also showed her the resignation notice still lying on his desk.

“I never took him for that sort of man,”
“Utterly despicable,”
“He even took the bonus before quitting,”
“Moreover, it states his address is currently in transition,”
“An attitude of trying to slip away from everything,”
“Since you won’t feel satisfied just being slapped and left like that, perhaps I should sue him as punishment,”
“If we ask around, we should find his new address right away.”

The Section Chief also leaned forward in surprise.
And then he stared fixedly at Kaneko’s left cheek—now free of swelling and glossy porcelain-white.

“There’s no mark left,” he said.

Kaneko replied, “I’ll give it some thought first,” and withdrew temporarily to the sorting room.
When she told Akiko and Isoko—who had been waiting—that Dojima had resigned from the company,

“How infuriating! What should we do?”

Isoko kicked the floor and pounded the nearby desk with her fist like a man.

“Hmm, so it was planned. He might have held some strange grudge against us or the company and taken it out on you.”

Akiko thrust her scowling face toward Kaneko and stated her opinion.

Contrary to the two’s indignation, Kaneko slumped exhaustedly into her chair and let out a sigh.
The frustration of being unable to easily retaliate now became a pain that pressed against her chest like a solid iron rod.

Even when lunchtime came, Kaneko only drank the tea Akiko had poured for her and didn’t eat the bento she had brought.

“What do you plan to do?” Akiko asked worriedly.

“I’ll go ask the people around Dojima’s desk,” Kaneko said dejectedly as she stood up and left.

In the main office of Takushoku Company, desks were arranged in a seemingly haphazard manner, with numerous complex reports from returned vessels piled high on ledger stands. Warmth from stoves placed in the four corners had led over thirty male employees to uniformly remove their jackets, roll up their shirt sleeves, and busy themselves with year-end document inspections. Kaneko slipped through the gaps between desks to reach the one Dojima had once occupied. To its immediate right sat Yamagishi—a young man who often left work together with Dojima.

Kaneko promptly asked him.

“I hear Mr. Dojima resigned from the company.”

“Ah, I see. That’s why he didn’t come today.”
“He’d been saying for ages he was going to quit.”
“Heard there was a good position at an electric company around Shinagawa.”

Then the other employees overheard and cut in.

“Oh, for real?”
“Slick move.”
“That guy’s sharp—always slicing through things clean.”

“Right. He said places like this—not even proper arms dealers, just outfits that’ll tank once peace hits—ain’t got legs.”

Yamagishi said loudly enough for those around to hear.
He, too, seemed dissatisfied.
“Where did he move to this time?”

Kaneko began trying to subtly ask about Dojima's address.
But Yamagishi looked at Kaneko with a slightly perplexed expression, then immediately started smirking.

“Oh, you want to know Mr. Dojima’s address?”
“Well now, this calls for a treat on you!”

“No, it’s not like that.”
“Aren’t you close friends with him?”

Kaneko first wanted to know the nature of the relationship between the two of them.

“We aren’t close friends, but there was a time when we went drinking together in Ginza and made a ruckus wandering around until late at night.”

“If that’s the case, then you know his new address, right?”

“The new address...”
“This is getting suspicious—what on earth are you up to?”

Kaneko realized that unless she disclosed yesterday’s harm, her intentions wouldn’t be understood straightforwardly.

“Mr. Yamagishi, do you intend to remain on friendly terms with him even after Mr. Dojima has left the company?”
“I can’t say unless I hear that first.”

“You’re awfully insistent on this.”
“We were just drinking buddies who went around together.”
“If he’s left the company, we can’t exactly go out together anymore, can we?”
“Though if we were to meet in Ginza, he’d at least exchange a few words with me, I suppose.”

“I’ll tell you then—the truth is, yesterday when we were leaving, Dojima was waiting in the hallway and slapped my face.”
“He hit me so hard my vision went white.”

Kaneko had stopped saying “Mr. Dojima.”
Miming a slap across her own face with her right hand, she closed her eyes; when they opened again, both were filled with tears.

“Huh, so it was that guy?”

Yamagishi and the surrounding employees surged up from their chairs to encircle Kaneko.
When she explained that she’d been struck merely for remaining silent, the employees—believing their ordinarily docile colleague—erupted in fury.

“He quits this company to join another, and on his way out slaps a woman—what a way to trample our company’s prestige.”
“Even with you here, Mr. Yamagishi, we can’t let this stand.”

This was the unanimous voice of the employees.
Yamagishi flusteredly

“Don’t joke around.”
“I won’t stand for it either.”
“Since that guy often goes to Ginza—if we find him—I’ll step right up and knock him flat!”

He shook his fist demonstratively before them all.
Yet the employees interrupted him mid-gesture.

“That’s too roundabout.”
“Let’s storm Dojima’s house!”

“That’s why I want to know that person’s new address.”
“Because on the resignation notice that the Section Chief showed me, it’s listed as ‘currently in the process of moving.’”

And Kaneko began to consult Yamagishi.

“I see.”
“He did say he’d move to that area when transferring to the company in Shinagawa, but I don’t know the exact location.”
“But don’t worry—once it’s past ten, every bar and café will kick their customers out. If you search around Ginza’s… yeah, the western back alleys for two or three days around that time, you’ll definitely catch that guy.”

At Yamagishi’s confident assurances,

“Oh, in that case, I’ll try going to Ginza now and then.”
“Don’t you go blabbing about this.”

“Hey now, don’t go insulting me like that.”
“If you’re serious about this, then I’m resolved to lend my humble assistance, you know.”

In response to Yamagishi’s proposal, the other employees too egged on Sato Kaneko as if she were a magnificent swordswoman embarking on a vendetta.

“Yeah, we should be careful too when strolling through Ginza.”
“Hang in there, Ms. Sato!”

The December wind blew up a thin layer of dust from under the feet of people coming and going along Ginza-dori, making them reflexively go “Ah!” It was a night that forced hands over eyes and noses.

Kaneko pulled out the scarf wrapped around her neck from inside her coat and kept covering her face to block the dust, but fearing she might pass Dojima unnoticed in that momentary lapse, she immediately removed the scarf and hurriedly scanned front, back, left, and right. Tonight again, she had Akiko come with her, and they walked from the Shimbashi side along Ginza’s main streets before circling into the back alleys.

“After going for ten days straight, you start getting thoroughly sick of it all.”

When Kaneko confessed these deeply felt words with a sigh, Akiko too shared what she’d been holding back.

“My head keeps spinning lately.”
“Having to peer at every single face in these endless crowds as we walk.”
“By the end my mind turns foggy—when I go home to sleep, sometimes the ceiling seems slanted and I feel like vomiting.”

“I’m sorry.”
“No, I think I’ll get used to it in time.”

Kaneko walked silently for a while longer, paying attention to the people passing by, but

“When I was first slapped, I felt so humiliated—but now that feeling’s been fading bit by bit. Tiring myself out night after night walking through Ginza like this… it’s all starting to feel absurd.”
“Especially during wartime…”
“So I try not to look at the people passing by, thinking I should just let those going their way go.”
“Then I start worrying—what if that person was Dojima?—and I can’t help turning around to look.”
“What an impossible ordeal!”

“Oh, you mustn’t let yourself fall into such a dilemma.”

“But perhaps a single slap to the cheek isn’t so significant after all—and this sort of revenge feels unbecoming of a woman.”

“Well, if that’s your true feeling.”

“No, I do think that way at times—among other thoughts.”
“At work they keep asking ‘Any luck yet?’ over and over, you see.”

“Then wouldn’t that make me the greatest fool of all?”

Akiko had scrunched up her face and started to say something to Kaneko when a young man resembling Dojima passed by her side. Flustered, she turned toward him—and the young man stopped.

“What kind of face is that?” he sneered, making Akiko blush crimson as she lowered her face completely.
The young man began following them insistently.
Kaneko and Akiko could no longer concentrate on searching for Dojima.
The two walked briskly south until reaching a side street in Ginza’s seventh district.
Just then, a taxi parked at the far end of a lot started moving.
The passenger’s profile inside inevitably drew their gaze.
It looked unmistakably like Dojima.
They chased the car with arms thrust forward like swimmers, but through the rear window only the passenger’s soft hat remained faintly visible.

After that, the two of them walked through Ginza's year-end nights once more, clinging to their dwindling hope of finding Dojima as they threaded through the streets.
The austere wartime December intensified people's desperate urgency to eliminate waste and maximize efficiency—a mood that saturated the city, lending even Ginza's strolling crowds and alley-drinking youths a brittle tension.
Pushing through these crowds in their search for Dojima, Kaneko and Akiko felt an added exhaustion, as though their very bodies absorbed some resistant force from their surroundings.

“At least during these hectic year-end nights, you could stay home and help out.”

Kaneko’s mother and Akiko’s mother both seethed with grumbling.

Kaneko and Akiko now belatedly realized they still hadn’t confided in their mothers about the incident.
But if they were to mention going out to Ginza to search for Dojima for revenge, they would surely be grounded immediately—Kaneko and Akiko did not voice this.
Instead, “Even if we say it’s within the year, there are only four days left—let’s just endure staying home during that time.”
The two of them resigned themselves to the inevitable and busied themselves with preparations to welcome the New Year at home.
The coming New Year would bring finding Dojima and exacting as much revenge as possible—this resolve, now an added layer, kept her nerves taut in a way they hadn’t been in recent days.

At last when New Year arrived, Kaneko waited for Akiko to visit.
Even when evening came on the third day, Akiko did not appear.
Kaneko realized for the first time that since this was her own affair, she should have been the one to take the initiative and go extend the invitation herself, and smiled a bitter smile alone.
Until now, Kaneko had always worn her gray office clothes with a matching navy coat over them when searching through Ginza’s crowds with Akiko to catch Dojima—reasoning that a kimono would only get in their way—but with it being New Year’s and her visiting Akiko’s house where she had only been two or three times before, she took meticulous care with her makeup and put on a hem-patterned kimono she had scarcely touched in the two years since graduating from girls’ school, fastening a gold-patterned obi high at her chest.
The unfamiliar formal kimono attire and her anticipation of adventure after this lull in resolve left her strangely excited and breathless.
When she put on her woolen coat, she left her house in Azabu.
Outside, it was a faintly warm evening—unusual for January.

When Kaneko arrived at Akiko’s house in Aoyama，Akiko also hurriedly changed into formal kimono attire and boarded the bus bound for Ginza．

“I thought it might be improper to start pressuring you right at the beginning of the New Year，so I held back．”
“And I thought that during the New Year’s holiday period，Ginza closes early and people out drinking wouldn’t be around much anyway．”

Akiko made an excuse.

“I feel the same way. I thought it was wrong to drag you into this right after the New Year began. But you know, since it’s New Year’s, I thought maybe just once I’d like to stroll through Ginza without being consumed by those feelings—that’s why I came in my hem-patterned kimono. Today I’ll walk with a relaxed mood and have a thick beefsteak or something at Suehiro or Olympic.”

Kaneko’s mindset had shifted somewhat from when she left home.

“Well now, that’s fine too—though a hem-patterned kimono doesn’t quite suit beefsteak.”

“Hehehe.”

The two of them laughed brightly.

Ginza Street already had shops that were closing.
The foot traffic was relatively sparse, making it easy to walk.
Moreover, with no night stalls set up, they could see all the way to the pedestrians on the other side.
Kaneko and the others first set out walking from Owari-cho, but before they knew it, they reached the bridge at Ginza 7-chome.
They felt a sense of anticlimax.

“What should we do? Should we cross over to the other side toward Kyōbashi and go into Olympic? Or—though it’s not like we’re searching for Dojima or anything—should we just walk briskly through these west-side back alleys toward Suehiro?”

Kaneko consulted with Akiko.

“Well, somehow walking the west-side alleys feels more natural now that we’ve developed the habit, don’t you think?”

Before Akiko had even finished speaking, they had already turned west and begun moving forward.

“There! Over there—where that man who looked like Dojima got into the taxi at dusk.”
“Where that man who looked like Dojima got into the taxi at dusk.”

Akiko recalled and pointed.
Their previously composed faces instantly turned stern.
Then they began retracing their steps along the vertical back alley toward Owari-cho, but before they knew it, their eyes were vigilantly scanning left and right, and their footsteps had taken on a forceful tread.

When they came to the corner intersecting with Shiseido’s alley, a group of five drunken men emerged from a nearby café with their shoulders linked in a row.
Then, making a half-turn in a sweeping motion, they swayed past Kaneko and the others, walking away while rubbing shoulders against one another.

“Hey! That’s not Dojima—the second one from the right there.”

When Akiko grabbed Kaneko’s arm with a hoarse whisper of caution, Kaneko—already coiled like a predator closing in—dragged Akiko along as she pursued the men. *If only this wall of shoulders would crumble and leave Dojima isolated—* The thought burned through her mind with frantic urgency.

She needed to know whether he had spotted them yet.

Studying his retreating figure, she found his conspicuously lowered forehead unnervingly telling.

They edged forward half a block, nerves fraying with each step.

Then Dojima whirled around.

“Mr. Dojima! I need to talk to you. Please wait.”

Kaneko instantly gripped the back of Dojima's coat and pulled him backward.
Akiko also seized the coat from above and planted her feet firmly.
Dojima, flustered, tried to recover his composure, but the two women's combined strength pinned him in place, rendering escape impossible.
The line of five men bent into a V-shape with Dojima at its vertex.

"Well now, this is prime! Our Dojima here's quite the lady-killer, eh?"

The remaining four colleagues—apparently his coworkers—had broken their linked-arm formation and now encircled Kaneko's group with expressions of astonishment and morbid curiosity.

“No—it’s nothing.”
“I’ll step away for a moment.”

With that, Dojima—still gripped by Kaneko and the others at the back of his coat—broke away from his companions and turned into the western alley.
When they came to a deserted spot beside a small building that appeared to be a printing shop, Dojima stopped.
Kaneko, who had followed while keeping a firm grip lest he break free and escape, felt her old resentment surge up so fiercely that she now poured desperate strength into her hands—her heart turning savage.

“Why did you hit me? Just because I didn’t speak—does that give you any right to strike someone? And to do it when you were leaving the company—isn’t that cowardly?”

Kaneko’s tears flowed so violently she could no longer see Dojima’s face. The revenge that had strained taut within her was already beginning to dissolve, her wretched days since that incident surfacing through the flood of tears.

“It’s true—we can’t just take such lawless treatment lying down.”
“The section chief also said we should sue you.”
“Mr. Yamagishi also said he wouldn’t forgive you.”
“Well, what are you going to do?”

Dojima remained standing with a strangely solemn air.
Akiko kept pushing Kaneko’s shoulder, urging her to strike back.
But for Kaneko, who even during her girls’ school days had quarreled with friends but never once resorted to physical violence, the act of raising her hand with force at the crucial moment to slap a man’s face was no easy task.

“Isn’t this too much? Isn’t this too much?”

By repeating those resentful words over and over, Kaneko stirred up her emotions and—

“Because you hit me, I’ll hit you back.”
“If I don’t do this, I just won’t feel right!”

Kaneko finally slapped the man’s cheek.
She was already worrying whether his face had contorted from the blow or if his nose had started bleeding.
Feeling the faint cling of his greasy sweat on her striking palm, Kaneko stepped back.

“Hit him harder. Much harder.”
“There’s such a thing as interest, you know.”

Akiko egged Kaneko on from the side, but Kaneko didn’t have the courage to strike again.

“Hey hey—dragging him into a corner like this?”

The earlier group of four came from behind to check on the situation.
Kaneko briskly broke away alone and headed off toward Sukiyabashi Bridge as if running.
Akiko caught up from behind—

“You should’ve given him a proper thrashing.”

Akiko lamented with lingering dissatisfaction—wishing Kaneko had struck back for all their shared daily hardships too—as if mourning a missed opportunity.

“But I won’t take any extra.”
“I don’t want messy leftovers.”
“That slap cleared my heart.”
“Now I truly thank you for standing with me.”

When Kaneko bowed her head in a formal tone, Akiko gradually relaxed and said, "Congratulations." At those words, Kaneko—

“Oh right—we were supposed to eat beefsteak.”
“Let’s raise a celebratory toast.”
“Today’s my treat.”

The two of them headed to Suehiro.

From January 6th, the company began operations.

When word of Kaneko’s successful revenge was relayed from Akiko to Isoko and then from Isoko to the male employees, the staff—still stirred by lingering New Year’s excitement—rushed toward the sorting room while shouting “Thrilling! Thrilling!” over and over.

“Hey hey, what’s everyone doing?”

The section chief, who had arrived late to work, scowled at the scene and reprimanded everyone, but upon hearing the circumstances, began laughing cheerfully, pushed through the employees to approach Kaneko’s desk, and declared, “Well done on seeing it through—you’ve achieved your vengeance!”

Kaneko was effusively praised by everyone, but the refreshed feeling she had forced herself to muster in that single moment of striking back at Dojima had long since vanished, and she now found it unpleasant—as if being reviled as an unladylike creature—to have everyone clamoring at her.

When the company closed and she returned home, she spent the evening in a daze.
She had neither the aim nor the inclination to go out to Ginza.
Of course, Akiko no longer came to invite her.

Outdoors remained strangely warm, and instead of snow, a dreary drizzle continued to fall. Kaneko sat in the corner of the tearoom, gazing through the rain pouring onto the sasanqua tree in the front courtyard while wondering what the latter halves of lives were like for those who had carried out vendettas long ago. And there were even times when she thought she must have been a fool to compare herself to those who had carried out vendettas with her own trivial retaliation.

On January 10th, a letter addressed to Kaneko had arrived at the company.
When Kaneko arrived at work, the office attendant brought it to her.
The front of the letter bore only the words "From a Certain Man," and when Kaneko suspiciously opened it, she found to her surprise that it was from Dojima.

I am writing this letter as a response to all that has transpired thus far.
I think this much is clear—though it may sound strange coming from me.
My course of action was determined by Takushoku Company's indecisive state and our current company's exclusive focus on military supplies.
However, there remained one unresolved matter when leaving that company.
That was my feelings toward you.
Were I to resign from the company, I would scarcely be able to see you again.
Before that moment came, I grew desperate to confess my feelings and gain your sympathy.
Yet when facing young ladies of refinement, I find myself constitutionally incapable of voicing emotional matters.
This is why matters progressed until that final day when I received my bonus and attempted resignation.
Was I truly incapable of even speaking?
What would become of me if I mustered courage to confess only to be rejected?
I would withdraw with my feelings still churning within me, while you would simply forget someone like me ever existed.
What if I provoked a quarrel instead?
Perhaps through hatred, you might remember me longer.
I too might divert these feelings through what felt like decisive severance.
When cornered, only these self-serving thoughts surfaced.
Torn between impulses, I finally became so consumed that I struck you that day.

However, my humanism could not permit that I had violently struck a woman—a beautiful woman I had once admired.
It had always seeped through my chest like bitter poison.
I thought of sending a letter as quickly as possible to apologize for that disgrace, but since that too would amount to egoism that only absolved myself, I abandoned the idea.
The other day in Ginza, when you struck me back—believing this would surely clear your resentment—I finally meant to offer my excuses and apologies there and hesitated awkwardly, but my companion intervened, and I couldn’t fulfill it.
Therefore, through this letter, I now proceed to explain.
Please forgive me.

Dojima Kiyoshi

(Signed) Dojima Kiyoshi.
Kaneko wondered whether such pressing male emotions truly existed; she felt as though Dojima’s fierce passion might assail her body at any moment.

Kaneko divided the time into two moments—the Dojima with whom they had struck each other in a frenzy, his hand and hers—and felt it somewhat heartless to part ways like this.
If only they could meet once and speak frankly…

Kaneko did not show Dojima’s letter to Akiko and the others.
When she returned home, that evening she went out alone to Ginza.
The next night, and the night after that, she walked through Ginza from main streets to back alleys until past ten o’clock, circling twice each time.
But Dojima never appeared, and on the streets, January’s true cold wind finally began blowing with full force.