Pathway to Japanese Literature

Eastern Hemisphere and Western Hemisphere

It must have been about a week since I joined the company.
At least, all colleagues’ faces looked alike to me then—I couldn’t yet tell who was who.
After leaving work and heading toward the station, I turned off the main street into a side lane.
I thought it might be a shortcut worth exploring.
But such detours usually end up longer.
Just as I concluded that haste truly does make waste, something caught my attention.
Right before me walked one of my colleagues hand-in-hand with a young woman.
It was what people called an “avec” couple.

That was quick work.
There’s no room for negligence or oversight.
Even though he had been working in the same room until just moments ago.

I marveled to myself.
Soldiers prize divine swiftness.
Yet there they were, completely at ease—chatting away as they walked—leaving me in an awkward position.
Overtaking them briskly would seem pointed and graceless.
I had just resolved to turn back when, approaching the corner, my colleague glanced over his shoulder and our eyes met.
Steeling myself for what must come, I attempted to pass by with a curt nod.

“Excuse me, Mr. Miyazaki.”

The colleague called out to stop him.
He had remembered my name.

“Ah.”

“I must apologize for the inconvenience, but please allow me just a moment to explain.”

“What is it?”

“This is my wife.”
“We had arranged to go out for dinner tonight.”
“However, since it would be troublesome to go home and come back out again, I had my wife come here instead.”

“Ahh.”

“Please understand our situation.”
“We both want to see each other as soon as possible, but since there are prying eyes, we can’t just go to meet at the company entrance.”
“So I had her wait in the closest possible and safest area.”

“I see.”

“But it takes a snake to know the snake’s path. We were spotted immediately and ended up hopelessly cornered.”

“No, I certainly didn’t follow you here.”

“Ha ha ha.”
“It’s a joke.”
“However, I must ask for your discretion.”
“They’re all such a nosy bunch, you see.”

“Don’t worry.”
“Well then, I’ll take my leave.”

And I hurriedly brought the conversation to a close.
The other party seemed to want to talk more but I detected a look of discomfort on the wife's face.
It would be a real nuisance if they thought I'd followed them.
Since I didn't even know the name there was no reason for me to have any interest or concern.

“You, you.”

The next day during work, Mr. Shimizu at the neighboring desk whispered.
I had been under this person’s care from the very beginning.

“What is it?”

“I heard you followed Mr. Ootani home yesterday?”

“Following? That’s not what happened. That’s not true!”

“No—given how things stand, I’ve probably been tailed too, so he advised me to stay vigilant.”

“Who said such a thing?”

“It’s Mr. Ootani.”

“Ahh.”
“Mr. Ootani?”
“That person...”
“I heard you caught his tail right there?”

“It was just a coincidence that I caught up with him. However, Mr. Ootani asked me to keep it confidential.”

“But by saying that, he thinks I’ll go spreading it around instead.”
“He’s properly using psychological tactics.”
“Truly a crafty one.”
“He makes people promise silence on one hand, while spreading rumors on the other that his wife’s beauty attracts prying single colleagues who follow her around and cause trouble.”

“That sounds utterly troublesome.”

“Didn’t I introduce you to my wife?”

“Right...”

“Didn’t I tell you to come over?”

“No—I wouldn’t put it like that.”

“In any case, if you were to visit Mr. Ootani’s place before mine, wouldn’t that be putting the cart before the horse? I’ve fully intended to maintain our goodwill from the start, you see.”

“That is naturally the case.”

“I also think I have the right to introduce my wife. Therefore, might I ask you to come visit me sometime?”

“I will come.”

“Wouldn’t it be best to come after work? I’ll coordinate with my wife to set a date, so please do.”

“I will accompany you at your convenience.”

And with that promise, I realized Mr. Ootani wasn't the only self-promoter around.

In the company, there existed what were known as "cafeteria meetings."
It wasn’t a real meeting.
After lunch, they would stay right where they were and engage in deep conversations here and there.
One day, the group near me made the Company President a topic of discussion.
The Company President had appeared in the cafeteria.
As it was a first-class major corporation, the relationship between the Company President and regular employees was akin to that between a minister and subordinate officials, with no direct interaction.
I looked at the Company President’s appearance from afar for the first time and voiced exactly what I felt.

“He’s quite a well-built man, isn’t he?
“He must be about twenty kan.”

“I hear it’s twenty-two kan.”
“Impressive, isn’t he? No matter how you look at him, the Company President is unmistakably the Company President.”
“He naturally possesses the bearing of one.”

Mr. Shimizu promptly replied.
He even sat next to me in the cafeteria to offer guidance.
The Company President was his great pride.
He had said that today would be the day he’d show me the Company President.

“But what a slack face he has.”
“It must be because he has no hair.”
“He looks like a polar bear.”

“Polar bears have fur, you know.”

“He gives off the vibe of a bald seal.”

“It’s disrespectful to compare him to animals.”
“He’s an elderly man, after all.”
“It’s only natural for him to be bald.”

“I see...”

“The Company President is already over seventy.”
“The term kakushaku might have been a phrase concocted by ancient Chinese people for their company presidents.”
“Though his head may be completely bald, his vigor surpasses that of young men.”
“Given that he’s nicknamed Hormon Koji, you can well imagine.”

“Is he drinking hormones?”

“It’s injections, you know. That’s not something you drink. It’s once a week, I hear. You can tell because the mottling on his head becomes more pronounced the day after the injection.”

“When you say it becomes thicker, does he actually have hair?”
“With that...?”

“It’s not hair.”
“The mottling on the bald head becomes more pronounced.”
“It ends up looking like a map, don’t you think?”

“Well.”
“You can’t see it from here.”

“When you get close and look, it’s a rather unsightly head.”
“I hear the Bald Head Society considers something like an ostrich egg as their ideal, but the Company President’s has a lot of mottling.”
“That looks like a map.”
“In other words, when the hormone takes effect, the map on the globe becomes more distinct.”

“I see.”
“I understand.”

“I sometimes go to the Company President’s side, bow, and come back.”
“I still feel its influence even from just that.”

“Don’t you ever speak with the Company President?”

“Absolutely not!”

Whether this conversation served as a catalyst, discussions about the Company President’s head blossomed among us for some time afterward. Because his head was so large, ready-made hats wouldn’t suffice. The Company President took pride in this. He seemed to believe that a person’s worth was determined by the size of their head. An employee who mistakenly wore the Company President’s hat home was summoned the next day and reportedly received words of praise.

“Whenever I see the Company President’s head, I’m reminded of my hometown’s elementary school principal.”
“He was counted among Japan’s great principals!”
“Since it never lets us forget our teacher’s kindness, that shining head over there remains a profoundly instructive one for me.”

Mr. Ootani voiced his impressions.

“In any case, it’s a truly magnificent head,” said Mr. Shimizu. “Both in substance and in appearance.”

Mr. Shimizu chimed in.
These two always had opinions and were the most talkative.

“It was similar in size too, but just like him, it was bald and had mottling.”
“Because it resembled a map, they had given it the nickname ‘Eastern Hemisphere.’”
“Elementary school students aren’t to be underestimated.”
“Because his surname was Daito, they took advantage of that.”
“And then there was the old janitor who was bald.”
“Since he was also covered in mottling, they nicknamed him ‘Western Hemisphere’ in contrast to the principal’s ‘Eastern Hemisphere.’”

“Did you come up with that?”

he asked.

“No, it’s been around since way before I knew about it.”
“Because I was the top model student in the entire school whenever there were guys calling him ‘Eastern Hemisphere,’ I’d round up every last one of them and drag them off to the teachers’ room.”

“That’s a lie!”

“It’s true.”
“Back then I received too many official appointments—superior grades, school representative, all that—so these days there’s been absolutely no mention of me.”

“What’s that? You’re complaining about the weirdest things.”

“He was an excellent principal with high moral character. Though I suppose his baldness was the one flaw on that head of his.”

“Is that supposed to be a joke? But still...”

“Don’t butt in.”

Mr. Shimizu interjected.

“There was something funny that happened.”
“It was when some ceremony was beginning.”
“The principal gave an order to the janitor from the podium, but the janitor was a bit hard of hearing.”
“When the principal leaned down to speak into his ear, the janitor—trying to be helpful—stretched up from below. In that instant, the Eastern Hemisphere and Western Hemisphere went clunk!”
“Everyone laughed!”
“One female teacher couldn’t hold back and ended up falling over.”

“Ha ha ha!”

I’d been listening halfheartedly, but something about the story felt familiar.
The image of the principal and janitor colliding floated into my mind.
Ah yes—it was during my third year of elementary school.
As my memories gradually returned, I recalled they’d also called it “World Map” besides “Eastern Hemisphere.”
The janitor had been “Japan Map.”
This was amusing.
So Mr. Ootani had attended that school too?

“There’s another unforgettable impression.”
“I talked about this at home last night too.”

Mr. Ootani continued.

“Well now—I thought this was a cafeteria meeting, but are we extending into a family conference?”

“Just listen,”
“One day, a dog came into the auditorium and trotted right up to the podium.”
“Even when the principal chased it, the dog wouldn’t run away.”
“The entire school’s attention focused on that single dog.”
“It was white.”
“Though my wife was only in first grade then, she remembers its color perfectly.”

“This won’t do.”
“It’s already started without us noticing.”

“No, it’s about the dog.”
“The dog suddenly started spinning round and round.”
“It was the auditorium podium!”
“Because it was trying to bite its own tail and thrashing about, it spun like a top.”
“The principal panicked and shouted ‘Hey! Hey! Hey!’ but it wouldn’t stop.”
“Everyone laughed!”
“Ah right—the female teacher couldn’t hold back anymore and ended up collapsing.”

“That teacher sure falls down a lot, huh?”

“I think it’s a different teacher from before, but my wife insists it’s the same one.”
“Whether the dog incident came first or the Eastern Hemisphere/Western Hemisphere one did—I don’t remember that either.”
“My wife isn’t clear on that point either, but she insists she can’t forget because the teacher who fell was her homeroom teacher both times.”
“My wife was a first-grader at the time.”
“I’m five years older, so that would put me in sixth grade.”
“Of course, I didn’t have any thoughts back then about taking her as my bride or anything like that, but since our houses were close, we knew each other.”
“She says she saw me take first place at the sports festival.”
“When I asked if that meant she’d been interested in me since back then, she just laughed and said, ‘Don’t be ridiculous!’”

“……”

“Talking like this makes me realize we have all these shared memories.”
“Since our houses were close by, even after we began attending middle school, I’d often catch sight of her on my way.”
“There was this one time…”

“……”

“Oh dear, everyone’s left.”
“They’re a terrible bunch.”

Mr. Ootani muttered, then stared intently at me, the only one remaining.
I had actually been waiting for everyone else to leave.
“Mr. Ootani, wasn’t that story about ◎◎ Elementary School in ○○ City?”

I asked immediately.

“That’s right. You know it well, don’t you?”

“I was there too.”

“Ah.”

“I saw both the dog incident and the map confrontation.”
“It was World Map versus Japan Map, wasn’t it?”

“I see.”
“This is rather astonishing.”

“It’s already been fifteen or sixteen years since then.”

“Mr. Daito is doing well, you know. The other day on their honeymoon trip they dropped by briefly and I had the chance to meet him.”

“Ah.”

“He’s still working there.”
“He hasn’t changed a bit since those days.”
“Since he said he had just turned sixty, Mr. Daito was quite young for his age, don’t you think?”

“I’ve been completely out of touch with everyone since then.”

“Have you not gone back there ever since?”

“I was only there for less than two years, and I’m not from ○○ City.”
“I attended third and fourth grades at ◎◎ Elementary School.”
“Because my father was a government official, we moved around quite a bit.”

“If you were in third and fourth grade back then, that would make you two or three years younger than me.”

“Ah.
“I am three years younger.
Since it happened right after I entered the school—my teacher beat and chased away the dog—it left such a strong impression that I remember it clearly.”

“Then that makes me your senior alumnus, doesn’t it?”

“Ah.”

“Please come visit.”
“Let’s reminisce about old times.”

“I would be honored to accept your invitation.”

“If you’re three years younger than me, do you know someone named Kazama?”

“I know.”
“He was the class president.”

“That’s my wife’s older brother.”

“Ah. We were on good terms.”
“Since our houses were close, there were times when I went over to play.”

“Where did you live in ○○?”

“Inarichō.”

“Then that’s close.”
“Both where I lived and where my wife lived are in Shinmachi.”

“The place with the fire watchtower, right?”

“Yeah.”
“It’s still there.”
“This is something we can talk about right?”

“How is Kazama-kun doing these days?”

“He’s doing splendidly.”
“He’s in a completely different league from us.”
“He studied engineering and has joined a company that makes airplanes.”

“I’d like to meet him.”

“He comes occasionally.”
“What if I suddenly bring him over and have you guess who it is?”
“This could be fun.”
“My wife would be delighted too.”
“We could hold a class reunion right at my place.”
“Oh right—at the company, Mr. Dan is our senior alumnus.”

“Ah.”

“Since Mr. Daito was still a teacher back then—he’s a much more senior alumnus.”
“Do you know Mr. Dan?”

“No—”

“I see. He was accompanying the Company President on a business trip to Osaka, wasn’t he?”

Mr. Ootani looked through the group of executives and,

“There he is.”

“Who is that person?”

I straightened up abruptly.
Each and every one of those impressive people—I was learning about them from Mr. Shimizu.

“That’s the person talking to Exec. Mouri.
He’s next to Mr. Fujita.”

“Ah. If it’s that person, I had the honor of meeting him during the selection committee.”

“He’s the chairman of the selection committee, you know.
They hold it every year.”

“I thought he was quite amiable for an examiner.
He was always smiling warmly and never asked any mean-spirited questions.”

“He’s a kind person.
I had him act as my guarantor during my student days.
It’s because of that connection that I applied to this company.
Since then, I’ve been under his care ever since, and he even served as my matchmaker.”

“Ah.”

“I’ll formally introduce him eventually. As my junior from the same school, it would be more appropriate for you to visit my home.”
“I’ll be your guide.”

“I look forward to it.”

“Well,”
“It’s about time.”
“But people’s mouths really do work wonders, don’t they?”
“From discussing the Company President’s head to talking about the Eastern and Western Hemispheres—we made quite a discovery together.”

“I’m three years his junior at the Commerce University too.”

“You’re quite familiar with the Commerce University, aren’t you?”

“I heard it from Mr. Shimizu.”
“Mr. Shimizu teaches me every day about the executives, section chiefs, subsection chiefs, and the career paths of the young star performers.”

“Was I also included among the star performers?”

“Hmm.”

“I’m flattered.”

Mr. Ootani scratched his head, looking satisfied.

Women’s Deceptive Abilities

“This coming Sunday?”
“Don’t you think that’s rather presumptuous?”

Mr. Shimizu made a stern face.
I had reported the circumstances immediately after discovering my connection with Mr. Ootani and told them I would be visiting him the following Sunday.

“Well.
Why do you say that?”

“If you were to visit Mr. Ootani first, it would be a reversal of roles between guest and host—that’s what I took care to emphasize.”
“Because more than Mr. Ootani or anyone else, I’ve been hoping for your goodwill from the very beginning.”

“I see.”

“Would you mind canceling Sunday?”

“Very well.”
“Since you have the prior appointment, I will decline Mr. Ootani’s invitation.”

“If you understand it that way, I won’t insist either.”
“Let’s do it this way.”
“Let’s set mine for tomorrow.”
“If it’s tomorrow, mine will be a day earlier in the order of things.”

“Understood.”

“This may sound like splitting hairs, but we still need to establish proper justification.”

The next day was Saturday.
Mr. Shimizu would come out a day ahead in the reckoning.
I felt glad they competed so fiercely to invite me.
As a greenhorn, I wanted to keep the seniors' good graces.
After leaving work, I trailed Mr. Shimizu to his newly established home.
His wife had dinner ready and waiting.
Their hospitality lacked nothing.
While Mr. Shimizu surely aimed to display his domestic harmony, there was no question genuine kindness toward his junior also played its part.

“Photon, this is Mr. Miyazaki.”
“Mr. Miyazaki, this is my wife, Photon.”

Mr. Shimizu introduced us by calling each name in turn.

It was a compact house with just the couple and a maid. In the tatami room sat a piano. It occupied nearly a third of the six-tatami room. During the meal, Mr. Shimizu conveyed various pieces of household news.

“It’s the piano that’s beyond our station.”

“Ah, it’s quite large, isn’t it?”

“When her brother returned from Germany, he bought it on his way back.”
“It was quite a struggle to bring it here.”
“Look, the tatami mats are slightly dented here.”
“The floor joists came out.”

“I see.”

I had also heard about this.
The wife had brought a piano and a bed.
These two took up so much space that it was a problem, he said.
Moreover, her family consisted of her father and older brother, both medical doctors who ran a hospital.
This too seemed to be a point of pride for Mr. Shimizu.

“My wife’s family runs a hospital.”

“I see.”

“I believe I mentioned this before, but if I fall ill, I can be hospitalized for free.”

“Ha ha ha.”

“But even if you pay some money, it’s more advantageous not to get hospitalized, so this sort of privilege amounts to nothing.”
“You should obtain it from a more effective source instead.”

“What kind of place would be the most beneficial?”

“How about the owner of a movie theater? You could watch for free every time.”

“But movies are nothing special.”

“What about the theater?”

“Well... That’s not much of a benefit either. If it’s hospitalization, it can continue for one month, two months, even a year. Especially during unemployment, there might be a way to manage without medicine.”

“That’s a brilliant idea you’ve given me. Photon, what do you think? Ha ha ha!”

“Healthy people won’t be admitted. Because medicine is an act of benevolence.”

Mrs. Shimizu (Photon) drew back.

“So you’d drive them away with benevolence? As expected of a doctor’s daughter.”

“I think it would be better if your hometown were a hot spring inn instead.”

“Is it because we could stay for free?”

“Yes.”
“Hakone was expensive, after all.”

“I knew you cut your trip short by a day.”

“I give up. Ha ha ha!”

“Oh ho ho ho.”

“But that was fun. Ha ha ha!”

It seemed to be a memory from their honeymoon.
As thanks for the meal, I listened attentively.
After they had talked for quite some time, I coughed, which finally made them acknowledge my presence.

“I choked on my tea.”

I explained.
Well, I had deliberately coughed to prompt some reflection, though.

Before long, the wife stood up to go give some instructions to the maid.

“So, what do you think?”

“So, what do you think?” whispered Mr. Shimizu.

“That’s enough.”

“No—it’s about that.”

“What is it?”

“That round chignon.”

“Well...”

“It suits her, don’t you think?”

“That’s harsh. Ha ha ha!”

I laughed it off.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what do you mean by that?”

“That’s a wig, you know.”
“Ah.”
“And it’s borrowed.”
“The truth is, since the wig shop will be coming to collect it soon, we hurriedly invited you over tonight.”
“I see.”
“It’s not some grand justification or anything.
“Ha ha ha!”

At that moment, the wife returned and,
“My apologies for stepping away.”

nodded politely and sat down.
I stared fixedly at the round chignon.
It was so elaborately crafted that one might think Mr. Shimizu had lied to trick me.
However, now that I knew it was a wig, the hairline area seemed somehow unnatural.
The wife, of course, did not know that her husband had revealed the secret.
Not only did she not say "Take a look at me" to me, but she turned this way and that.

“Hm-hm-hm.”

And I burst out laughing.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hm-hm-hm. I choked again.”

“That won’t do.”

Mr. Shimizu spoke with his eyes.
The wig story had likely been meant to stay confidential.
I disguised my laughter as a cough, but ever since then, my conviction that women are far more brazen than men became firmly entrenched.
Mr. Shimizu had found it unbearable to deceive his colleague, which was why he had confessed midway through.
Yet the wife remained utterly flippant, devoid of any conscience.

“By the way, what should we do about Mr. Dan?”

And I asked, having remembered after the meal.
On our way here, we had passed by Mr. Dan’s house.
When I mentioned my alumni connection with Mr. Dan, Mr. Shimizu offered to take me along.
In truth, I couldn’t bring myself to mention that I had actually promised to go with Mr. Ootani either, and so left the matter undecided.

“I’ll accompany you. Mr. Dan absolutely adores young people.”

“Mr. Dan? You mean Mr. Dan?”

“He’s the Matchmaker Extraordinaire. We also had Mr. Dan act as our matchmaker.”

“Ah. Mr. Ootani mentioned the same thing.”

“Since this year, it’s been Mr. Sugano and me, and then Mr. Ootani. Lately, Mr. Tatsuno has been becoming a regular case.”

“He’s been quite active with that, hasn’t he?”

“After all, being the top among top companies where brilliant minds gather in droves like clouds, parents with daughters inevitably set their sights here. Wanting to find promising sons-in-law for them is only human nature, don’t you think?”

“I see.”

“In Mr. Dan’s *tokonoma* alcove, photos are always piled up from one to two *shaku* high—sometimes even three *shaku* depending on the time.”

“Are they of brides?”

“Of course.”
“Sometimes there are two brides, sometimes three.”

“That must be quite something.”

“Let’s go see him.”

“I’ve only just joined the company and don’t have any such intentions yet, but...”

“You’ll inevitably need his assistance anyway.”
“After all, he’s served as chairman of the selection committee every year—he’s thoroughly investigated all employees’ backgrounds.”
“He even knew things about me better than I did myself.”

“No way.”

“Ha ha ha! However, just because they’re company employees doesn’t mean he’ll necessarily arrange their marriages. He keeps a notebook of promising candidates and selects from among them. He’ll find you just the right match.”

“I see.”

“In my case, it was a medical doctor; Mr. Ootani’s was provincial gentry; Mr. Sugano’s was a downtown merchant family; and Mr. Tatsuno’s is a company shareholder. Last year, there was a viscount’s daughter.”

“It’s just like a lottery.”

“He’s both the Matchmaking Authority and Funeral Director.
When it comes to marriages—being matters of fate—you might manage without troubling Mr. Dan every time.
But for funerals, as long as you work at this company, you’ll inevitably require his services.
Whenever there’s a bereavement, the company dispatches him as chief funeral organizer.”

“Does such an official position actually exist?”

“No—it’s simply become customary.”

“So he isn’t a section chief?”

“He holds no formal rank, yet represents the company at external banquets and memorial services.
He arranges year-end parties and manages business card exchange events.
In essence, he’s our Master of Ceremonial Rites.
Without Mr. Dan present, no occasion can properly commence.”

"He’s quite an invaluable person, isn’t he?"

"Everyone comes to rely on him eventually.
Having served longer than any section chief and being regarded as the president’s trusted confidant—even as a regular employee—he occupies a uniquely special position."

And Mr. Shimizu explained Mr. Dan’s position.

As I was urged, that evening I was taken by Mr. Shimizu to visit Mr. Dan.
It was very close by.
From brides to rented houses, he had been assisted by Mr. and Mrs. Dan.

After the introductions were over,
“Strangely enough, it seems Miyazaki-kun attended the same elementary school as you.”
And Mr. Shimizu provided the conversation starter.
“Ah.”
“So your hometown is ○○ City?”
“No—it’s just that due to my father’s postings, I only lived there briefly during my childhood.”
“Where is it?”
“And your hometown?”
“I recently registered my residence in Tokyo.”
“My father is from Kagoshima, but I was born in Tokyo.”

“I see.”
“You commute from your family home, I presume?”

“Yes.”

“Your parents are alive, and you’re a commercial university graduate.
“That’s correct, isn’t it?”

And Mr. Dan had remembered it all in his capacity as chairman of the selection committee.

“Yes.”

“Speaking of ◎◎ Elementary School, you know Mr. Ootani, don’t you?”

“We actually ran into each other in the cafeteria just yesterday.”
“Though I’m his junior.”
“I was classmates with Mr. Ootani’s wife’s older brother.”

“With Kazama-kun?”

“Yes.”

“What poor timing.”
“He just left moments ago.”

“Mr. Dan, isn’t this about a marriage arrangement?”

Mr. Shimizu cut in.

“Now now, people come to my place for more than just matchmaking,”

he denied, but Mr. Dan’s eyes drifted unconsciously toward the alcove.
An honest man through and through.
On the ceremonial tray lay stacked photographs.
No towering columns of two or three-foot piles—no rows of prospective brides and grooms.
He’d been mentally measuring them—five sun at most, fifteen or sixteen sheets—when his estimation was interrupted by,

“Miyazaki-kun, you’re still unmarried, of course?”

he pressed on.

“Yes.”

Caught off guard, I let out a strange noise.
It felt as though I’d been hit with a battle cry.

“Shall I arrange something for you?”

“Well...”

“If you were classmates with Mr. Kazama, you must still be quite young.”
“It would be better to endure for two or three—or perhaps four or five—years.”

“Yes.”

“If you rush, things inevitably become strained, and you end up having to rely solely on a maid provided by your wife’s family.”
“That becomes truly miserable.”
“You won’t be able to hold your head up at home.”

“Mr. Dan, that’s harsh.”

And Mr. Shimizu owned up.

Since it was my first visit, I made sure to leave early, but the next day, led by Mr. Ootani, I once again found myself in Mr. Dan’s parlor.
It was Mr. Ootani who had insisted on showing me the way.
It was appreciated that they competed to show me around, but the other party was Dr. Matchmaker.
Since I had appeared two days in a row to make earnest requests, both Mr. Dan and his wife must have concluded I was a man desperately eager to take a wife.

The Life of an Honest Man

In the three years since then, Mr. Shimizu and Mr. Ootani became my close friends.
In a way, the two of them bonded through me.
I came to show special favor to Mr. Dan and his wife as well, stemming from the relationship between those two.
They were truly kind people.
If I neglected to visit for even a short while, Mr. Dan would catch me in the cafeteria and instruct me to come talk that evening.

“You must be busy?”

“Oh, it’s no trouble.”
“Tonight my wife has also kept the evening open.”

“In that case, I’ll take you up on your offer.”

Mr. Dan single-handedly handled all ceremonial occasions (weddings, funerals, etc.) for the company.
He arranged about ten matches a year, but there were months when several misfortunes overlapped.
Even if the employees themselves worked diligently in good health, their families often had accidents.
Mr. Dan was not merely a nominal funeral committee chairman.
Because he had lost his son and daughter, he deeply sympathized with the misfortunes of children.

“You have my deepest sympathies.
It’s the way of the world.”

As he said this and clasped his hands together, the bereaved family members burst into tears.
Mr. Dan also wept.
In such situations, there could be no greater solace.

There had been a time early on when I looked down on Mr. Dan. Here he was at his age, still not even a section chief, scurrying about everywhere bowing obsequiously.
Thinking that way, I couldn’t bring myself to respect him.

“If our senior’s like that, it’s unsettling.
A person needs something more solid about them.”

And I told Mr. Ootani exactly what I felt.

“No—Mr. Dan seems that way precisely because he’s attained complete enlightenment.”
“You’ll come to see it.”

“Since you had Mr. Dan arrange a match for you, you’re biased.”
“The truth is, he falls into the category of a high-class jester.”

“Why...?”
“He’s got backbone.”

Mr. Ootani asserted forcefully.

I soon came to see Mr. Dan in a new light.
It was at the year-end party.
On that occasion, following auspicious custom, Exec. Mouri and Director Hatta performed an entertainment.
Exec. Mouri performed gidayū-bushi, and Director Hatta performed Noh chants.
Everyone found it bothersome, but since they were corporate executives, they went along with those in power and listened respectfully.

“Shall I subject your esteemed ears to one [performance]?”

Exec. Mouri gauged the moment and scanned the room.
Since it was declared an informal gathering, I was seated next to Mr. Mouri.

"If you intend to perform gidayū, you should present a fee."

Mr. Dan said.
"Even for executives, I must say I'm rather startled you'd use such familiar terms."

"A fee?
"You don't mind accepting one?"
"If we hired a professional performer, thirty yen would be customary."
"As a special concession, I'll reduce it to twenty yen."

“You actually intend to take it? You’re the one—”

“Of course.”

“I see your heart’s made of tanned leather. However, as long as I’m the one organizing this, I won’t let them perform gidayū or Noh chants for free anymore.”

“Hey—what do you mean by ‘growl’?”

Director Hatta raised his head like a poised serpent. He had already been singing in a low voice.

“Whatever you call it—just pay up fifty yen in compensation. Complaints have been coming from the young employees about your hidden talents.”

“Hmm?”

“That’s one hundred yen for both of you.”
“If that amount gets put into the fund, it’ll make things easier for the younger staff.”

“But that’s steep—fifty yen per person?”

“Given that we’re making this many people endure such unpolished performances, it’s practically a bargain.”
“I won’t let them growl for free.”
“It’s a prohibition tax.”

And Mr. Dan was putting on a terrific bluster.
Everyone clapped their hands and cheered.
Exec. Mouri and Director Hatta reluctantly handed over fifty yen each as monetary gifts and growled.
This became established practice, and from then on, they contributed fifty yen each at every year-end party.
Not only that, but since Mr. Dan would deliver scathing critiques, they didn’t drag it out too long.
Seeing how the corporate executives struggled with it made clear that Mr. Dan truly had backbone.

Now, the young people who frequented Mr. Dan’s house would inevitably take brides within two or three months at the earliest, or no later than half a year.
They had originally come for marriage proposals.

However，though I paid my respects for three years，nothing ever came of it．

“What’s the matter？ You？”

Mr. Ootani wondered.

“Nothing’s wrong.”
“My motives are different from yours.”
“It’s just that I’m showing respect as a senior colleague.”

“But he would recommend someone, wouldn’t he?”
“Since there are options like this, why not just take one?”

“No, not at all.”

“Then he’s given up on you.”

“That might be the case.”

“But this is suspicious. If the company’s performance were lacking, that would be one thing—”

Mr. Shimizu apparently went and asked Mr. Dan directly.

One day, [he] confronted me with a stern look.

“Mr. Miyazaki, you slandered my wife, didn’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Hmm.”
“You went to Mr. Dan’s place and used my wife as an example of women’s deceitfulness, didn’t you?”

“Well, what’s this about?”
“I don’t get why you’re springing this on me out of nowhere, but rest assured—”
“Because I hate your wife.”

“That’s exactly it.”
“How rude!”

“What’s this?”
“What on earth?”

“The first time I invited you to my place, my wife was wearing a marumage wig.”
“You told Mrs. Dan about that incident as an unbelievable real-life example of female deceitfulness, didn’t you?”

“Well, I did mention it.”
“As casual conversation.”

“What kind of casual conversation is that?”

“Women deceive any guest with a wig, no matter who they are.”
“If they dislike the prospective groom, they might use any means to deceive him.”
“That’s why I said, ‘I hate arranged meetings,’ like this.”

“Insult.”
“My wife is furious!”
“Do put in a good word for me.”
“Because she’s heavily pregnant, she’s holding back—but otherwise, she says she’d march right into your house and have it out with your mother.”
“What?!”
“I didn’t hear the details, but I suppose it’s because she gave birth to a son who insults women.”

One day, Mr. Dan came all the way to my desk and delivered a formal dinner invitation.
Mr. Ootani and Mr. Shimizu were right there nearby, but I alone received the invitation.
“Miyazaki-kun, it’s about to begin.”

Saying that, Mr. Shimizu waited expectantly.
Lately, this man had grown stubbornly determined and was making every effort to get me married by any means necessary.
Though I talked a big game, deep down I was already feeling lonely and wanted someone to help me sort things out.
Initially, it was Mr. Dan who had said he would help me.

I had often been invited to Mr. Dan’s place before, but Mr. Ootani or Mr. Shimizu had always been with me.
However, since I was alone that evening, I thought perhaps the talk would finally begin.

“Mr. Miyazaki, we’ve been indebted to you for so long, but my husband has decided to retire.”

Mrs. Dan said wistfully as she served.

“Huh?!”

“I’m retiring.”
“You.”

And Mr. Dan nodded.

"But isn't it still too soon?"

"No—retiring while still being missed makes for the finest exit."
"Doctor of Ceremonial Occasions isn't too fragrant a position."

"…………"

"Everyone calls me 'Sensei'."
"Some even call me 'Doctor' behind my back."

"……"

"Miyazaki-kun, you're the only one who doesn't call me Sensei."
"Among the younger staff, you alone understand how I feel, don't you?"

"……"

“Well now, let’s finish our meal first and talk at a leisurely pace.”

The company had a mandatory retirement system.
Mr. Dan apparently had about a year and a little more left.
However, if he became a section chief, his tenure would be extended by another five years.
I didn’t want to let Mr. Dan go.
He was the Mr. Dan who had looked after us all.
He had far more prestige than the section chiefs.
If we all discussed it together, couldn’t we find some way?
He was undoubtedly a regular employee, but he was no ordinary one.

“It’s about what we were just discussing.
If I may ask, are you truly going to retire?”

And I immediately brought up the issue after the meal.

“It’s already settled.
I submitted my resignation.”

“But surely they won’t accept it at the company?”

“No—I’ve discussed it with the president.
Only he truly understands how I feel.
‘Mr.Dan,’ he told me,‘I have no excuse to offer you.’
With those words alone,I find peace.”

“What exactly do you mean?”

“Suzu.
Bring that thing here.”

“What might that be?”

“The president’s written apology.”

Mrs. Dan brought an envelope. Mr. Dan took out a check from it and handed it to me.
The amount was 88,000 yen, crossed, with the Company President’s own signature.

“That’s quite something.”

“The Company President gave this to me as an individual, saying, ‘This is my written apology.’”
“With this, I am satisfied.”
“It’s not for the money itself.”
“This check serves as proof that I wasn’t incompetent in my role as Doctor of Ceremonial Occasions.”

“…………”

“A person’s life works in mysterious ways.”
“It may sound like grumbling now, but fate has turns where good becomes ill fortune and ill fortune becomes good.”
“Under normal circumstances, I should have been made an executive long ago.”
“After all, Mr. Hatta and Mr. Yuasa joined the company alongside me.”

“I see.”

“Among us three recruits from back then—me being the Imperial University graduate—I was most favored by the Company President.”
“Both Mr. Hatta and Mr. Yuasa came from private universities.”
“The Company President served as managing director then.”
“Being promoted to secretary should’ve been a stepping stone to advancement—but in my case, that very advantage proved my undoing.”
“Looking back now, I studied too diligently.”
“Even when accompanying the Company President on business trips, I’d sleep fully dressed so I’d never be caught unprepared.”
“If he rang his bell at night, I could rise immediately and attend to his needs just as I was.”

“I see.”

“It’s only natural he took a liking to me.
“He honored me by saying ‘Dan-dan,’ and if it weren’t for me, night would never dawn nor day ever end.
“During that time, the Company President’s mother passed away.
“I handled the funeral arrangements.
“Since this proceeded in an orderly manner without a single misstep, it came to be decided that funerals were best left to Dan.
“Other corporate executives also requested me when there was a family misfortune.
“Naturally, I became thoroughly versed in Shinto, Buddhist, and Christian ceremonies, so people come to consult me.”

“I see.”

“The Company President is blessed with many children. Seven in total—four boys and three girls. First, I handled the wedding of his eldest son. After all, with nearly a thousand guests attending, it was quite an ordeal. This also proceeded in an orderly manner without a single misstep, which earned me such acclaim that I was entrusted with his eldest daughter’s wedding. This time, it was the bride’s family. The corporate executives also began asking me to handle their sons’ and daughters’ weddings. Since I handled everything from the bride’s family to the groom’s family, I became thoroughly versed in the old customs regarding betrothal gifts and auspicious dates for ceremonies—so now people come to consult me about these matters too. It’s a strange thing, you know. Since I developed a genuine interest and began researching them myself, I believe my understanding runs deeper than that of half-baked fortune-tellers. I ought to have become a doctor.”

“Ha ha ha,”

“I’ve always been meddlesome by nature.”
“Around that time, I started regularly arranging marriages too.”
“Then when a close colleague died and I took charge of their funeral, that became the trigger—now whenever an employee’s family has a misfortune, they come to consult me.”
“Since they come asking, I’ve no choice.”
“It’s quicker to go handle things directly than explain them, so ever since then I’ve been the funeral committee chairman.”

“It’s truly a strange twist of fate.”

“During that time, Mr. Hatta and Mr. Yuasa became section chiefs.”
“This is because they were solely focused on company work, so their promotions were only natural.”
“I only became skilled at handling funerals and weddings, utterly useless at anything else.”

“That might not be entirely true.”

“Even so, I’m an Imperial University graduate and a top student.”
“A minister has emerged from my graduating class.”
“It seems the Company President took those circumstances into consideration.”
“About five years ago, he started apologizing to me.”
“‘Now, now, let it pass.”
“‘When a company grows this large, we naturally need a Ceremonial Occasions Expert.’”
“‘Someone has to do it.’”
“‘Just think you drew the short straw and resign yourself to it,’ he would often say.”

Mr. Dan spoke at length about how he came to be known as the Ceremonial Occasions Expert and the over 220 couples for whom he had acted as matchmaker up to that point, then—

“Now then, Miyazaki-kun—it’s your turn next—but I’ve no objections. You should find yourself a suitable match on your own.” He brushed it off.

“There’s actually something I wanted to ask you...”

“Well—I don’t know what it is about me—when it comes to your affairs, my nerves fray.”
“Because I’ve thought from the start you were destined for special success… I don’t want the Ceremonial Occasions Expert’s influence tainting you.”
“I’m not a lucky person.”
“I lost both my son and daughter after they’d grown up.”

“……”

“Mr. Miyazaki, if my husband retires from the company, you probably won’t come visit anymore, will you?” said Mrs. Shimizu.

“Not at all,” I replied. “I’ll make sure to visit from now on.”

“Is that truly the case?”

“Well… I’ll ask you to keep an eye out for a bride. Because your husband told me to wait two or three years—that’s why I waited.”

“No—it’s no good.”
“I too had my share of self-conceit in this.”
“I still thought things might somehow work out, but when I realized they wouldn’t, I’ve lost any right to serve as matchmaker for promising young people.”

Mr. Dan was uncharacteristically emotional.
It was the company he had worked at for nearly thirty years.
When it came to resigning, even if voluntary, he must have felt disheartened all the same.

I didn’t know what to say to comfort this couple.
Not only Mr. Dan, but his wife too was severely lacking in energy.
When I took my leave, she shed tears at the entrance.
She whispered something into Mr. Dan’s ear,

“You fool!”

he rebuked her.

“I’ll visit again.”

I said with resolve to build up strength.

Mr. Dan soon retired from the company.
A grand farewell party was held.
As committee members, Mr. Ootani, Mr. Shimizu, and I joined the volunteers.

A few days later.

Mr. Ootani and Mr. Shimizu had arranged things in advance and came to my house at night wearing haori and hakama.
I wondered what the sudden formality was about—it turned out Mr. and Mrs. Dan were earnestly requesting to adopt me.

“That’s strange.
But Mr. Dan said he wouldn’t even act as a matchmaker because he didn’t want the Ceremonial Occasions Expert’s influence tainting things, yet...”

“That’s human contradiction for you.”

explained Mr. Ootani, the chief envoy.

“I refuse to be adopted.”

“Mr. Dan asserted he was certain you would say that.
However, his wife won’t give up.”

“This seems fishy,” I said. “Just the other day, my father asked me, ‘Do you want to be adopted?’ They might have pulled some strings.”

“Hard to say—they’re being unusually thorough about Mr. Dan’s affairs,” replied Mr. Ootani.

“What exactly do they see in me?”

“First, your essential character. Second, you’re the spitting image of their late son.”

“Hmm?”

“They’re a pitiful pair. Do think it over,” urged Mr. Shimizu.

“Even if I were adopted, wouldn’t there be some spoiled daughter tied to the household?”
“Mr. Dan promises he’ll secure whatever beauty you desire.”
“Please give it proper consideration.”

said Deputy Envoy Mr. Shimizu.
The two urged in unison, pressing insistently.
I am Miyazaki Shinpachi—not the eighth son, but the eighth child.
Since I had the freedom to be adopted, I decided to at least give it some thought.

(August 1937, Kōdan Club)