Pathway to Japanese Literature

Suddenly, a slightly frightening sound rang out.
Then, just as a clattering of all sorts of noises erupted in quick succession, everything fell completely silent.

The first sound had been Shun'ichi scolding his younger brother.
Something must have irritated him.
Facing his younger brother, Shun'ichi suddenly shouted.
Then, his face momentarily took on a resemblance to a Nio statue, but lacking confidence in this angry visage of his own—driven by the fear that there might be some gaping flaw in its ferocity—he abruptly stood up and with a violent shove slid open the fusuma doors, attempting to retreat to his private room in the inner quarters.
It was as though he were a tragic Japanese delegate withdrawing from some crucial international conference.
As he tried to storm out of the room with a whoosh of wind, the gourd hanging on the wall fell.
Of course, Shun'ichi instantly raised one foot and stomped on the gourd.
When he was agitated, destroying such objects in one go felt satisfying.
But despite Shun'ichi putting all his strength into it, the gourd remained unbroken.
Not only that, but as it slipped out smoothly and tripped Shun'ichi's foot, he staggered and nearly fell over.
Furious beyond measure, he naturally should have—and indeed attempted to—crush the gourd once more with lightning speed, but unfortunately, the gourd lay slightly beyond his reach.
Therefore, he unwittingly hesitated.
For a moment, he twitched spasmodically, torn between extending his foot or withdrawing it.
He suddenly realized how pitifully comical that must have appeared from an outside perspective.
To make matters worse, he had inadvertently glanced at his younger brother, who remained seated without the slightest disturbance.
His younger brother was smirking at him with a malicious glint in his eyes.

Shun'ichi then stomped down the corridor like a tyrant, entered his room, and slammed down at his desk with all his might. At the same moment, he clutched his head with both hands. That disgraceful blunder of his now swirled cleanly through his mind. From time to time, he emitted low, guttural moans. He had already forgotten the original cause of his anger. What mattered more was how clearly he now perceived his own wretchedness and absurdity. It raged through him like a storm flattening grass and trees. He prostrated himself as if before Yama the Great King, bowing frantically, lost in some dark viscous place where mosquito larvae and flea spawn and spiderlings seemed to writhe—flailing limbs wildly through this muck, running blindly in all directions. This might qualify as mental confusion. Yet he had forgotten how the vast quantities of peanuts crammed into his belly the previous night, along with the equally vast quantities of tobacco reduced to smoke, often exerted grave influence on the human mind.

Through the window, a mundane landscape came into view.
There were roof tiles; blue trees grew.
Then tiles, blue trees, tiles, blue trees—and in the distance, an old-fashioned fire watchtower stood.
Today, the clouds hung low, and everything—down to the sparrows—remained silent as if stifled unbearably.
Such a day is ordinary.

Shun'ichi suddenly raised his face after a moment.
And for a while, he stared vacantly at something.
It was as if he were looking at the surfaces of his own eyeballs.
Then, without moving his face, he strained his not overly large eyeballs downward to look at the desk clock.
It had stopped.
And then, this time, he rolled his eyeballs round and round two or three times.
Incidentally, he looked at the Cézanne painting hanging on the wall.
Apparently, he had taken an interest in this motion.
This time, he began rotating them slowly, round and round.
In the trajectory of his gaze were a crack running across the stained wall, a small black insect, a hat rack, a box of imported cigarettes, stockpiled sheets of manuscript paper stacked high, Volume One of Crime and Punishment, German Grammar Lecture, a small model skull, and cold medicine labeled Ikōsan.
When he stopped rotating his eyes, he first relaxed the muscles in his neck, reached out his hand to take a book from the shelf, flipped it open with a light motion, and placed it on the desk.
Then he took out a cigarette, lit it, and put it in his mouth.
Instantly, smoke as copious as that from a locomotive was expelled.
The spider got startled and scampered off.
Then he began reading the book, furrowing his brows.
The title was Maxims of La Rochefoucauld.
No matter how much time passed, the pages were not turned.
He was reading the same passage over and over.

Before long, Shun'ichi suddenly clutched his head again. Another low groan escaped. Then, with a resolute expression, he raised his face and snapped, "Idiot!" A woefully disheveled expression immediately shrouded his features. That truly pitiful countenance persisted for an uncomfortably long duration—making such indescribable faces being this man's peculiar habit. Soon muttering "How absurd" once more, he abruptly shook his head with violent tremors that seemed to physically dislodge the previous expression. Now adopting a pretentious demeanor reminiscent of some philosopher-poet, he furrowed his brows and glared at the book's printed text before him. Yet he promptly snapped it shut and meticulously returned the volume to its original place. Then contorting his face bitterly, he mumbled to himself, "Well, in essence..." It appeared he meant to declare that he hadn't comprehended a single word from the book he'd just perused.

And so his muttering continued.
This soliloquizing was his peculiar habit.
He kept talking to himself, unconsciously savoring his own words like hard candy.

Hmm... Hmm... No—how crass... Crass! Just stop making a fuss—what good would that do anyway?... Ah... Can't help sighing out loud now... Huh?
......Can't help sighing out loud......Classifying sighs? Don't mock me......Everything must be categorized these days......

Having come this far, he suddenly let out an absurd cry.

"Oh! Oh—the flames roar... Kachi-Kachi Mountain? Feels slightly nostalgic... No—not nostalgic at all... Though that reminds me... What was it... I've forgotten... I must look like a complete fool... Well of course I do... What exactly does that mean?... Ahhh, can't help but say... Autumn of decadence... Don't put on airs... 'I simply can't believe such things exist,' eh?... Famous last words... What nonsense am I spouting... Must look at the moon, the moon... We'll soon plunge into winter's frigid darkness... Then winter... Winter's cold—how dreadful... Even foxes hibernate..."

Shun'ichi suddenly stopped his soliloquy.
With a triumphant 'Got it!' expression, he opened the desk drawer.
There was a notebook in the back.
He took it out and spread it open on the desk.
It was a commonplace notebook with 'Variété' written on the cover.
This was his record of impressions.
Some phrases were written every two or three lines in not very skilled handwriting.
All were trivial.
He himself acknowledged it.
But he couldn't bring himself to discard it.
He felt it would somehow be a waste.
Yet to discover a reason for preserving those trivial phrases, he tormented himself day and night searching for some brilliant turn of phrase.
If he couldn't find that, there would be no reason to preserve this notebook like some precious heirloom.
What has no reason to exist is useless.
It must be discarded.
But this notebook could not be discarded.
Contradiction.
Sometimes he thought it was utterly useless, but this notebook couldn't be discarded.
There he desperately strove to come up with clever phrases.
Occasionally he would find phrases that seemed somewhat witty, but after two or three days they would inevitably transform into utterly mundane and trivial expressions.

There he fell into the predicament of having to eternally pursue clever phrases.
It felt rather foolish.
He himself thought he was an idiot.

Now, with a triumphant look of having seized upon something, he opened the notebook. Then he flipped through the pages with a rustling sound, dipped his pen in ink, and wrote: "Cunning and malicious, but lacking a fox's sleekness." No sooner had he written than he blotted the page swiftly with blotting paper, snapped the notebook shut with force, and slid it back into the drawer. And then, he smiled faintly. But soon he began fidgeting restlessly, and within less than a minute—as if unable to endure it any longer—he opened the drawer, pulled out the notebook again, flipped to his newly written page, and stared fixedly at his own handwriting. Then, as if suddenly struck by realization, he muttered to himself: "Wait—this is describing me, isn't it?"

By this point, he really ought to have brightened up a little.
In reality, his mood seemed to be gradually lifting.

To think that was a mistake.
To be sure, the sun had broken through the morning clouds and was glittering brightly, illuminating the surroundings as if everything were evaporating in a hazy glow. Shun'ichi's wretchedly dark face took on a slightly different cast under the reflected light—though in truth, it remained fundamentally unchanged.
And then, clutching his head in both hands, he assumed the so-called posture of one wishing the ground would swallow him up.
If there had been a hole there just then, he likely would have squirmed his way into it without a second thought.

By the way—this being a separate matter—Shun'ichi lived with his younger brother and a maid: three people in total.
Mainly, the older brother was the one who worked.
His workplaces were the newspaper company, the magazine company, and home.
Lately, he was home more often.
He would write things.
And then, he received considerable assistance from his father.
This aspect was more critical.

Well, that was more or less his life.

There was no need to write any more about this.

The root cause of this recent incident lay in the younger brother's misconduct.
It was commonplace misconduct.
Therefore, getting angry over such a common mistake as spending a bit too much money seemed rather childish, Shun'ichi had thought for a while.
But he had already gotten angry.
Since he had gotten angry, he now had to assert his authority.
In an attempt to assert his authority, he stomped on the gourd, only to wobble unsteadily.
The gourd remained intact.
Therefore, it was utterly insufficient.
To make matters worse, when he looked back after bungling it, that damn brother of his had the nerve to laugh.
As he reluctantly kept recalling these things with relentless clarity, caught in waves of self-mockery that left him paralyzed, he roared "Waaah!" and wanted to wildly flail his limbs.
I'll try it.
Raaah!
Then, gathering momentum, he stood up and felt a touch of tragic resolve, but refrained from flailing his limbs.
He had come to realize his own foolishness by himself.

The anger had been steadily intensifying within him until he felt he absolutely had to demonstrate his authority as elder brother to his younger sibling just a bit more.
That damn brother—he's probably laughing at my foolishness right now.
No—perhaps...maybe he's ignoring someone like me entirely.
Calmly, without paying me any mind, he's probably reading some book he likes...Ignored!
When he uttered these words, Shun'ichi could do nothing about the fury that made his head constrict like a closing umbrella—a sensation as though fine powder were scattering from its crown into the air.

At that moment, he suddenly recalled Ogino's confectionery.
The sweets from Ogino, a neighborhood confectionery and café, were truly delicious.
They were released for sale two or three times a week around this time.
Today was the day they went on sale.
Perfect.
He felt he'd scored a major victory.

Though he had thought of the sweets, he hadn’t forgotten his anger. He wasn’t being entirely honest. First—get angry. He violently slid open the fusuma, faced his younger brother, and raged. “What kind of man are you? Do you think that’s acceptable? If you think about it, you’ll understand. Just how old are you now? Your parents... Anyway, I need to lay down the law once and for all. I need to take as long as necessary—over ten minutes—to lay it all out.” Press down firmly, then switch to a slightly gentler tone like this. “I’ll be going out for a bit. Use that time to thoroughly reflect on your actions and identify where you went wrong. Try thinking quietly by yourself in the house. You must clearly identify the points where you went wrong. And if you always maintain the resolve to grapple with it, that would suffice. I feel that up until now, you have somewhat lacked self-reflection. If you think quietly and seriously about it, you’ll soon realize what you’ve been overlooking until now. That’s right, you’ll definitely understand soon... Well then, I’ll be going out for a bit...”

The sliding door snapped shut with a sharp crack.
It couldn't be helped since it was half-broken.
When opened, it made a sharp banging sound; when closed, a heavy creak.
When shut quickly, it emitted a dreadful screech.
Shun'ichi pushed open the door, walked down the corridor while contorting his facial muscles into a stern expression, mentally prepared himself, then forcefully shoved open the tearoom's sliding door.
There was no one there.
He felt somewhat deflated.
The severely composed face gradually relaxed into servile wariness.
Then, each time adopting a stern look, he peered into two or three other rooms.
He even stopped to check before the toilet.
No one was anywhere.
There was no longer any need to maintain that fearsome expression.
The maid had been given the day off.
Shun'ichi couldn't help concluding his brother had gone out.
And then he began getting angry alone.
He nearly let out an emphatic interjection.
"He went out without saying a single word to me."
Outrageous.
Shun'ichi had been furious about his brother ignoring him, but this was disregard of a higher order.
he thought.

Outrageous.
What am I supposed to do if a thief breaks in?
What if a thief sneaks in through the open entrance and steals things like money, desks, kettles, clocks—what then?
I will suffer enormous damage.
If it were in exchange for money, that would be one thing, but to have them taken for free—the things I paid good money for!
He felt his breath catch.
And he thought he had panicked a bit.
Then, suddenly clapping his hands, he dashed to the gate.
The lock was engaged.
He felt his breath truly stifled this time.
Then, grabbing the door’s lattice, he shook it violently two or three times like an orangutan.
He himself didn’t know why.
He felt a despair akin to imagining oneself abandoned alone on a remote island in the desolate sea—a mortal despair, as if his scalp were flying apart and his esophagus were turning inside out.
Then, having cooled down once more, he uttered a pensive “Hmm.”
He must have gone out to get sweets from Ogino.
To think—he locked his older brother inside the house and left…

Shun'ichi wandered into the tearoom and plopped down heavily.
He stared at the crack in the wall.
He occasionally let out a sigh.
He wore a somewhat pathetic expression.
The stern attitude from earlier had vanished completely.
And then he sat in a daze for a while.

Sunlight streamed through the window, humming softly.
It seemed to be uncommonly fine weather for this time of year.
The sunlight and air were perfectly suited, and every living creature seemed utterly content, voicing not a single complaint as they basked silently in the fine weather.
As he gazed at this while in a slight daze, Shun'ichi soon regained his composure.
He stood up and lumbered out to the garden.
He had decided to try something he had been wanting to attempt for some time now.
He went to the edge of the narrow garden, reached out his hand, and grabbed the fence.
He tested it briefly to see if it was sturdy.
And then, carefully putting strength into his legs, he pushed himself up.
He slowly poked only his head over the fence.
The street was empty.
He kept watch for a while, but since no one seemed to be coming, he quietly clambered over the fence.
At that moment, since he thought he sensed someone approaching from the alley across the way, he hurriedly jumped down into the street.
He scraped his leg.
Nobody came.
He had panicked, he realized with a twinge of regret.
Then, feeling somewhat triumphant, he walked toward the main street.
The wind toyed with the hair of this man nearing thirty.

The clouds had been blown away unnoticed, and the weather had become truly fine.
Spring really was nice.
Shun'ichi thought so.
For a while, he thought of nothing else.
It was unusual for this man.
That's how fine the weather was.
How pleasant.
When he emerged onto the grassy path following the railroad tracks, the many trees made the scent of young leaves quite intense.
Everywhere beyond the asphalt grew thick grass.
With the asphalt cracked and crumbling, the road lay buried in vegetation like a country lane.
The sunlight was beautiful.
As it cast dappled patterns through the leaves—expanding and shrinking across the ground and grass clumps—the light grew more radiant still.
The sky seemed both smooth as polished wood and conversely bottomlessly deep.
Yet that blue was magnificent.
The azure and the trees' verdure appeared as twin siblings—perfectly matched.
That such a place with this atmosphere existed in Tokyo seemed scarcely believable.
Others might frequent it, but Shun'ichi rarely let himself steep in such moods here.
And so he grew cheerful and tromped onward.

The road eventually sloped downward and emerged onto the main street. After passing through the Gaado gate, walking past the Tantan-so Apartment, and going by the gate of someone’s estate, he began to feel somewhat worn out. The familiar Ogino was just ahead.

Having thought of Ogino, Shun'ichi ended up recalling his fight with his younger brother. But it passed quite simply. The rough outline passed through his mind, let loose a stream of melancholy and anger, then slipped quietly away. Shun'ichi didn’t pay it much mind. The sunlight that had earlier brightened him had either manifested its beneficence by driving away the hateful shadows, or else had plunged his head into a somewhat demented state. In any case, he walked on without being too troubled by such things.

Before long, there was a crossroads. People were bustling about, and he felt slightly uncomfortable. First of all, the telegraph wires were chaotically slicing through the space in this area, making it all the more disagreeable on such a beautifully clear day. The shops around here were vulgar too. Everything felt vaguely vulgar. This area had an unpleasant vibe. Shun'ichi had made a habit of always avoiding this area, but today for some reason he had ended up coming here. Vulgar? That was a problem, he thought. From the perspective of these people, was someone like me perhaps too refined? First of all, these people weren't even considering such matters of refinement at all. If they weren't thinking about it—did that mean they lacked refinement by another standard? Or did it mean they'd transcended such things entirely?

Because the weather was too splendid, Shun'ichi must have grown slightly dazed.
He stopped thinking, deeming it a hassle.
But only discomfort remained.

Just past the crossroads, for some reason, he came face to face with his younger brother approaching from the opposite direction.
"Ah!" he exclaimed in surprise.
The younger brother also seemed quite startled.
For just a brief moment, the two of them stared at each other with wide eyes.
Then suddenly, the younger brother began moving toward his brother.
No sooner had he done so than he slipped past to the side and tried to head toward the crossroads.
As he slipped past, Shun'ichi reflexively grabbed his younger brother's arm.
The younger brother walked away unconcerned.
Shun'ichi hadn't been gripping particularly hard, so his hand was pulled free and dropped limply.
The younger brother tromped through the crowd and vanished.
Shun'ichi watched vacantly.
In a place like this, you couldn’t even have a proper fight.
He entered Ogino just as he was.

Even after entering inside, he remained dazed.
He seemed on the verge of losing all sense of what was happening.
That is to say—it wasn't such a serious matter.
Somehow thinking had become a bother.
When I left home I'd been furious.
Then while walking something shifted slightly.
It felt like part of my mind had been carried off.
Or perhaps I'd turned into an utter fool.
Had I lost the ability to connect all these incidents?
If that were true things would get strange.
A man instantly forgets fighting someone then talks normally.
The other must think 'This one's gone mad.'
Am I going crazy?
No—that wasn't it.
Just got too much sun—that momentary lift.
But I must properly discipline that brother.
He did something awful to his elder brother.
(Or maybe not.
Not like he planned anything malicious.
Probably half joking.)

(He's not that bad...) No—it's utterly outrageous anyway.
I have to give him a proper scolding.
When I get home...

However, when we bumped into each other earlier, he must have noticed that I had climbed over the fence.
Because of that, he might look down on me.
He’s probably thinking something like, 'That Brother who put on such a grave act of being a “proper person”…' or some such.
But no—
There are plenty of excuses.
For example, I could say I went out searching because I was worried when you suddenly disappeared.
But that bastard went out to leisurely eat sweets... Damn him!
I must be losing my grip.
...No matter what, I’ve gotta give that bastard another proper thrashing.

Shun'ichi stopped thinking altogether.
He became completely fed up.
But he resolved not to forget to discipline his younger brother without fail.

He ordered sweets and drinks, then looked around the interior.
It wasn't a very clean room.
There were three old frames.
Two landscape paintings and a portrait.
About half of the approximately fifteen tables were occupied.
As he looked around at all those people, his eyes met those of a man who had similarly been surveying his surroundings.
This was his friend Sakatani Akira.

Both said "Hey," then Sakatani stood up and came over.
He worked at a small magazine company
and was generally doing the same kind of work as Shun'ichi.
He had been on a trip for four or five days prior.

“You look depressed,” said Sakatani.

“Yeah.”

“You’ve got no energy.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you always this quiet?”

“Yeah.”

“Say something already.”

Shun'ichi suddenly began speaking in a strange tone.

“This Ogino Confectionery has stood since ancient times. In this room, the paintings have aged with the walls. The tables bear a quiet luster, within which the tumults of human existence through centuries have been captured without notice. Behold! Open your eyes wide! Gaze upon that luster! Sense the anguished cries of humanity’s history through the ages! That which comes sudden—leaving us in boundless desolation—ah...! The galaxy of lamentations! The blazing galaxy! Endless...”

“And then?”

“And then… what.”

“How should I know about that?”

“Haven’t you done something about it?”

“Who has?”

“I have.”

“Maybe you are.”
“From how you look right now.”

“I’m a bit off today.”

“You lack adaptability to the climate, you see.”
“When the weather changes, you get weird.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.”
“……You’ve been on a trip, haven’t you?”
“How was it?”

“Nothing particular to say.”
“I’m a bit tired.”

“Is that all?”

“That’s all.”

“It’s nice weather today, isn’t it.”

“Didn’t you notice? I’ve been aware of it all along. The wind came and swept those unpleasant clouds clean away. Look—that gentle yet mighty wind god must have been riding it for sure. Then the blue sky spread out completely—so breathtakingly beautiful I couldn’t help but stare in awe. The sun blazed at its center with a glint... no, wait—a gleam? No, that’s not quite right... a glitter... a glare... a gleam... a goggle... damn it, I can’t find the right word... anyway, it shone so fiercely you’d go blind. Well... back then I kept thinking what splendid weather this was. Right then it struck me—someone like you only just noticed now, huh?”

“What are you talking about? That’s absurd.”
“That luster of the table you were ranting about is far more ridiculous.”

“I’m going off the rails here.”
“You’re perfectly normal.”
“Let’s drop this charade.”

“At any rate, you ought to travel once in a while.”

“Traveling sounds nice.”

“You weigh life down with too much complicated reasoning.”

“Don’t get angry.”

“I’m not angry.”

“Is that so.”

“What is it?”
“What?”
“The way you say things.”

“Is that so.”
He was feeling slightly dazed.

“It’s because you keep thinking about life philosophies.”

“I’m not thinking about anything in particular.”

“You’re trying to think.”

“Hmm.”
“Complicated stuff.”
“What?”

“All sorts of things.”

“This isn’t getting us anywhere.”

“What a strange conversation this is.”

“Yeah.”

“At any rate, you should go traveling. It’s fascinating to compare heaven and earth from Yarigatake’s summit.”

“That must be frightening.”
“A bit frightening.”

“Why?”

“It’s because I’m too small. Or maybe nature’s just too vast.”
“It keeps getting scarier.”
“Probably because I’m too filthy.”
“Makes you want to run away from that place.”

“Did you run away?”

“I ran away.”

“But… that’s rather ordinary, isn’t it.”
“The part about being too filthy.”

“It’s ordinary, isn’t it.”
“I lack the capacity to perceive anything extraordinary.”
“When it comes to matters concerning myself, I can’t tell whether they’re ordinary or extraordinary... Let’s stop this talk.”

“Yeah.”

“Wait, I just remembered something I need to do.”
“I’ll come by your place soon.”

Sakatani stood up, grabbed both his own bill and Shun'ichi's, and dashed out.
Shun'ichi followed along.

At the exit, Sakatani said, “You’ll treat me next time,” and dashed off like the wind.

Shun'ichi felt he had become slightly more cheerful.
Muttering "That guy never changes," he felt inclined to thank Sakatani.
But at his core, he remained unchanged.
Because he deliberately tried not to look miserable, he ended up appearing all the more wretched.
It's just unbearable, he thought.
Maybe I should try going up to Yari's summit and lying down.
Indeed, it must feel wonderful.
The air and sunlight are first-rate.
Life's no great shakes either.
Still, this is something to address after I've given that brother of mine another proper scolding...

The wind had been blowing since earlier.
Having left the town and entered a residential area, he began descending a gentle slope lined with large mansions on both sides.
The row of trees was cherry, and following them led one into a small park.
He didn’t know what the park was called.
After passing through it, he soon came upon a bridge.
Beyond that lay another middle-class residential area.
Continuing further brought him to a railroad crossing where a private electric railway ran.
The area near this crossing had rather pleasant scenery.
A fairly clean river flowed gurgling by.
The locals here seemed to uphold public morals well—nothing unsightly had been discarded along the riverbank, making it agreeable to behold.
Then came a shrine.
Though small, its precincts were spacious.
Part of the grounds behind the main hall had grown wild, giving way to a low cliff dotted with houses below.
The area overlooking this cliff held trees growing in scattered clusters, with grass flourishing in untamed yet harmonious patches.
"If there were no trains passing nearby, this would make a fine spot for lovers," Shun'ichi mused upon arriving.
God would surely forgive…

At that moment, a voice suddenly called out, “Oh, Shun’ichi!”
Shun'ichi was astonished.
When he looked, it was cousin Yoshiko.
He shuddered.
Without a word, he took Yoshiko’s hand and yanked her toward the shrine.
Because he had thought it was a good spot for a lovers’ meeting, he found himself unconsciously panicking and hurriedly trying to escape the place.
When he reached the front of the shrine hall, Shun'ichi let out a sigh of relief.
At the same time, he realized his own foolish actions.
Yoshiko stood dumbfounded, unable to comprehend what was happening.
And said, “You’re such a strange person.”
Shun'ichi was utterly cornered.
He could find no plausible excuse to offer.
Finally, in desperation, he said:
“Lately, I’ve been a bit off…”
“I think I might be suffering from neurasthenia.”
Yoshiko said in a tone that suggested she had to say something, “It’s because you study too much.”
Then, as if she had immediately forgotten such matters, she became cheerful.
By nature, this woman was of a cheerful disposition.

“I’m on my way to run an errand right now. You’re out for a walk, I suppose.”

Just as he was about to say, “I’m taking a walk,” Yoshiko had beaten him to it, so Shun’ichi reluctantly replied, “Yeah.”

“I just stopped by to rest a little.”
“Let’s go out to the street.”
“We’ll be late.”
“Are you tired?”
“If that’s how it is, I don’t mind though.”

“No—I’ve rested enough.”
“You liar.”
“Huh?”
“But you’ve only just arrived, haven’t you?”

“Ah, right.”

“You’re such a strange one.…I suppose you’ll be retiring now.”

“No—I’m quite recovered.”

“But—”

“Really, I’m fine.”

“You’ve been acting peculiar all day.”

“Is that so?”

“That’s precisely so.”

“You’re utterly without equal.”

“In what regard am I without equal?”

“My word, without equal… No—that is to say, in matters of conversational artistry, you stand unrivaled.”

“That’s not it. It’s because you’re acting a bit strange today.”

Shun'ichi made a face that seemed to say he was thoroughly ashamed.
Then, having regained some composure, he said.

“Anyway, let’s walk.”
“It’s a waste of time.”
“I didn’t come here to rest, so I don’t mind at all.”

“Yes.”

As they walked, Shun'ichi gradually calmed down. When suddenly confronted with such situations, he would end up completely flustered. He stole a sidelong glance at Yoshiko's face. She's cute, he thought. She was twenty that year. There was a considerable age difference between them. Yet they were quite close. There was no romantic relationship.

“You had a fight with Hiroshi today, didn’t you?”
Her tone held a slightly mischievous edge.

“...I did.”

“I met him earlier.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Somehow this conversation feels rather flat, doesn’t it?”

“I agree.”

“Oh dear, it still hasn’t healed.”
“What should we do?”

“What do you mean?
“Me?”
“Are you saying I’m playing dumb?”

“Yes.”

“Then there’s nothing to worry about.
“It’ll heal soon.
“It won’t keep going on like this forever.
“I’ll be fine.”

“Oh my.”

Because Shun'ichi had spoken in a serious, conviction-filled tone, Yoshiko was utterly dumbfounded.
Shun'ichi too noticed this and grew flustered about how to respond.
Yoshiko continued in a tone verging on interrogation,

“Overstudying is poison, isn’t it,” she said.

“No—my current condition is merely temporary.”
“Of course, if it weren’t temporary, I couldn’t keep going on like this though.”

“That doesn’t prove overstudying isn’t poison.”

“It’s not just overstudying, you know.”

“Was it because you had a fight, I suppose?”

“Well... sort of.
“Wait... how do you know about that?”

“Didn’t you say so earlier?... What’s really wrong with you?”

“I’ve become too forgetful—it’s no good.”
“Anyway, that fellow told you, didn’t he?”

“Yes.”
“He said, ‘I’m fighting with you now.’”

“Tch... Meddling where you’re not wanted...”

“My my—it rather seems you’re the one at fault here.”

“No—the fault lies entirely with my brother.”

“Why did you get angry at Hiroshi?”

“There were proper reasons.”
“This isn’t a matter for women to concern themselves with.”

“How cruel.”

“Not cruel in the slightest.”
“There’s no need for outsiders to meddle in a quarrel between me and my brother.”

“I am involved.”
“Why?”
“Hiroshi’s already told me everything.”

“Completely?”

“I did spend too much money,” she relayed, “but nowhere near what you think, Brother.”

“That’s a lie.”

“So then—if I’d actually spent as much as you believe, Brother, your anger would make sense. But I didn’t use nearly that much. You’re misunderstanding...”

“W-wait…”

“Oh do wait. Then... once Brother gets angry, he loses his rationality—no, he’s got too much rationality but loses control of it... he said such convoluted things... Anyway, all sense of proportion vanishes. No matter how much truth we tell him, he doesn’t grasp a word. So we let him rage while pretending not to notice. Then we seize that exact moment to talk.”

“Then he understands.”

“Strangely enough—when we explain things then, he comprehends perfectly.”

“But holding onto that ‘exact moment’ is difficult—it requires real skill.”

“He said.”

“Hmm.”
“Hmm.”
“Perhaps that’s true.”

“You sound rather impressed.”

“I am impressed.”

“My... Did Hiroshi truly spend as much money as you believe he did?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“But you’re angry about that, aren’t you?”

“That’s right.”

“Is that so?”

“That’s right.”
“So that would mean I might have been wrong.”

“My, you’ve become awfully quiet all of a sudden.”

“You mustn’t laugh.”
“Actually, when I hear the story through you, it all sounds perfectly reasonable.”
“To me.”

“So then—is what Hiroshi said true?”

“It must be true.”

“In that case, there’s no need for you to get angry and fly into such violent rages.”

“Who would?”
“You would.”
“That would mean I don’t particularly need to get angry, I suppose.”
“Then perhaps it would be all right for you to forgive Hiroshi now.”

“How strange,” he said. “I really ought to scold that brother of mine a bit more, I was thinking.”

“But didn’t you just acknowledge there’s no cause for anger now?”

“I did acknowledge it.”

“Then it’s settled, isn’t it.”

(A Page Missing — Author)

“Because it’s all better now.”

“You haven’t changed a bit, have you.”

“It’s gotten better.”
“Strange.”
“Earlier... when I saw your tears.”

Shun'ichi started at his own words.
Yoshiko said nothing.
A faint emotion briefly appeared on her face—particularly around her lips—then vanished.
Then in silence, the two walked to the edge of the park.

Shun'ichi startled at his own words.
Yoshiko said nothing.
A delicate emotion flickered briefly across her face, particularly her lips, and vanished instantly.
Then, in silence, the two of them walked to the edge of the park.

“Really, I’m going home.”

“Yes, I’ll be going home too.”
“It does look like we’re in for a proper downpour soon.”

“It’s going to rain.”
“Maybe today was too fine a day.”
“Well then… goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”
“Please give my regards to Hiroshi.”
“Yes.”

Shun'ichi was finally alone.
He grew sick of thinking about anything and simply trudged along.
Sure enough, the air began to stir with an unsettling unease.
The sun still stubbornly persisted in the sky.
Shun'ichi continued trudging along and reached the house gate.
That brother of mine… he felt the anger rising again.
In any case, he would go inside.
Was the door locked? he wondered.
With a semblance of resolve, Shun'ichi placed his hand on the door handle.
It glided open.
Then he slid open the lattice door at the entrance and went inside.

The younger brother was there.
He was reading the newspaper.
When he saw Shun'ichi, he looked up and said, “Welcome back.”
Shun'ichi silently sat down.
Strangely, at first, a feeling of tiredness came over him.
Like a sumo wrestler measuring his breath on the dohyō, he seemed to be calculating something.
And then he said, “Hey, Hiroshi.”
The younger brother looked up.
He had thought he would be yelled at from the outset and was somewhat taken aback.

“You did something terrible, Hiroshi.
“Locking the door and going out alone like that.”

“I was wrong. I apologize.”

“I won’t get angry anymore. Actually, I met Yoshiko. That person said she met you.”

“Yes, I met her.”

“And I’ve heard everything you told that person.”

“She’s an honest person, after all.”

“So it seems there was some talk about me misunderstanding you.”

“Yes, Brother is misunderstanding me.”

Shun'ichi didn’t understand why he could speak so calmly. The notion that there was no particular need to get angry existed strangely within him—this notion was not something to be denied but rather, it seemed to Shun'ichi, something that ought to be affirmed. This was unusual for Shun'ichi.

“If I’m misunderstanding, then that’s fine. I’ll correct it. However, I won’t bother thinking about where or why this misunderstanding occurred—it’s too much trouble. I’m actually exhausted today. And yet, I didn’t feel particularly uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because I met Sakatani and Yoshiko.”

“That’s unusual for you, Brother.”

“Yeah. Unusual, isn’t it.”

“Did Yoshiko mention anything else?”

“No…”

Shun’ichi seemed deep in thought.
The silence continued.
Meanwhile, clouds gradually encroached upon the azure sky, advancing toward the sun.
The sun seemed to have nowhere to flee and wandered restlessly.
At last, it was captured within black, bulbous tentacles.

“It’s gotten dark.”

The two looked up at the sky.
Then Shun'ichi said, “Shall I start preparing the meal?” and rose to his feet.
He had given the maid the day off today.

“I’ll go buy the groceries.”
Despite being somewhat tired, Shun'ichi decided to go out to buy groceries.
This was becoming even more unusual.

When he was about to leave the tearoom, he suddenly stopped and looked toward his younger brother.
Then he turned back and sat down beside his younger brother.

“Do you like Yoshiko?”

The younger brother nodded.
He became slightly flustered.
Then he made a resigned expression, as if to say there was no helping it.

“It’s nothing.”
As if talking to himself, Shun'ichi stood up and went outside.
The first raindrop struck the opened umbrella with a solitary plink.

"I'll leave him alone for a while."
"It can't be helped."

Before long, a fierce rain came.
Shun'ichi walked on undeterred, using his umbrella as a shield.

Today had been an unusual day.
Shun'ichi himself had thought so too.
But as for tomorrow—who could tell what might happen?
He might reclaim that former stubborn, selfish, underhanded, cowardly way of living—the very existence he himself harbored endless loathing for.
Probably, that was how it would be. But today alone—just this single day—had been different.

His figure walking through the rain now.
Strangely, only today did his figure appear different.

The rain was fierce.
It was like summer rain.
It poured.
Mud and debris splashed up only to fall back with the rain.
Shun'ichi desperately gripped his umbrella and walked on alone.
Through the downpour, even nearby things became invisible.
Look—that figure had already turned phantom-like.
Then in an instant, it vanished into the watery veil.
Behind it, rainwater cascaded like a waterfall with a roaring rush.
Everything became water.

(End)